Okay, this poll is a follow-up to my last poll for WS's... Between the 2 of them, there's a lot of questions and so we can really benefit from all your responses... THANK YOU!

In cases where you could vote for multiple answers but you only can choose one, pick the closest / best.

Sorry, Q#11 was intended to be multi-select - pick the most applicable.

Here's a link to the original poll: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=019213

I would expect this to take 20-30 minutes to vote... We all appreciate it very much!

<small>[ August 08, 2002, 10:55 PM: Message edited by: J.R. ]</small>

JR a suggestion; why don't you rename the thread "WS and FWS, we have questions - PART 2"... might attract some more folks.

Also, a link to the poll in "Recovery" and "Plan A/Plan B" will probably help garner more votes.

The link to the types of affairs in question #37 didn't work, so I chose N/A. I would be really interested in reading about the different types of affairs though. If possible, what's the correct link?

I'm looking forward to seeing the results of this survey too (once more people have responded).

Jen

Jen, the problem with the link is that the trailing ")" character gets included in the URL... you can either click on the link and edit the URL to remove the last character, or type the link directly into an instance of your browser's URL line... Sorry about that - not sure why it decided to do that!

Great poll, JR!

That was a lot of work, and we're thankful for it. Hope we can get dozens of respondents!

Because I've already voted in the poll, I can't get back in to see the URL about the types of affairs - can you include it in a post for me?

Thanks,

Jen

Here is the link in the poll: Types of Affairs: Questions (For those who are married)

I hope you find it helpful.

Thanks, that was an interesting website. It very clearly indicates that I was having a "conflict avoidance affair".

I just wish it would explain how on earth having an affair avoids conflict!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> (But of course they want us to buy the book(s)!)

Jen

Interesting. Near as I can tell from the questionnaire at the web site, my W is having a "Split Self Affair"

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Split Self Affair</strong>
The Split Selves have tried to do marriage right. Both spouses have sacrificed their own feelings and needs to take care of others, and the deprivation has caught up with one of them. <strong>The affair is serious, long-term and passionate.</strong> The spouse who is having the affair focuses on deciding between the marriage and the affair partner and avoids looking at the inner split. Most often this is a man's affair, but that may be changing.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Up, Up, Up!

Hey JR,

Thanks for the polls! What a wonderful gift you've given me.

I asked my FWH if he would do them and he agreed to. We sat down together and ....well what insights! Things that I thought I'd understood clearly, I didn't. Questions I never thought to ask came to light.

It was amazing how differently he and I saw things. For him, 2+2="4" while for me 2+2="four". Do you know what I mean? We can be talking about the same concept, using the same words and have what we think is the same understanding when in fact the final conclusion looks very different to both of us and we didn't even know it.

Before he did the poll, I honestly thought I could have filled it in for him because I had a strong understanding of the A, his withdrawal, etc. Nope. There were several questions that he surprised me on. Things that we had very different perceptions on.

One example was I didn't realize how much they fought. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> My probing questions centered around things like where/when/how they were intimate, what made her so special, etc. I never thought to ask about negative things. It really took the mystic, fantasy, perfectness out of my understanding of their R.

Some of his answers in your poll also helped me understand why a 40+ yr old, very attractive, divoriced woman who can't support herself would choose to be a "mistress" (their words) for 4 yrs. to a man who is worse than financially bankrupt and makes it clear to her that his W and child will always come first. Spent many hours trying to figure that one out. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Especially when English is not her first or even second language (and the only one he knows) so no real indepth verbal (emotional) communication was occuring for either side. Four years is a long time for a woman with that profile to give sex freely to a man who is offering her nothing tangible in return, you know what I mean?

I also couldn't understand how someone could put their M on the line for an A that had NO withdrawal for him. He said the description of 'fog' was very, very accurate and that is exactly what he was in while it was occuring. But I guess the hurricane I created on D-day blew that fog clear out to sea pretty fast. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Anyway, I understand things so much more clearly now. You have provided a very strong tool for recovery for H and I.

Thank you.

E_C,

Awesome! So glad to hear that this could be used in such a way! I just assumed it would be WS who visit the forum who'd do it, but having the BS and WS sit down and do it - wow! Great idea. Hope others can follow suit.

I looked at this and my last WS poll as both an opportunity to learn, and a chance to validate - validate my understanding of the WS phyche, by having to construct questions that match what they do and feel. I think I did okay - not too many "Other" answers!

Come on WS out there - get in your votes! (Part 1 has over 30 votes already!) Thanks!

FYI - looks like the polls are "broken" again... I'll get someone on it...

The polls appear to be "back in order"... so please WS's and FWS's... This one's a popular one we're all interested in <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Bump

Bump

Interesting poll.. thanks..

Bump... can we get 40 votes???

Bump

Bump - any more WS, FWS????