I have not seen OM in 10 days, have not been in contact for a week. I am committed to ending the A and rebuilding my marriage. My question is - is it normal to have dreams nightly about the OM. Even though during the day I am strong, at night I have very realistic dreams about him and when I wake up I'm depressed and hurting. Then I can't get back to sleep because I'm reliving the good feelings that the A used to hold for me. (But no longer.) Is this a way of working through the withdrawal or is it unusual. This is so hard...

Neverthought,

Mornings are very tough for me too. I spend my entire conscious day successfully dealing with my situation only to seem that it is unraveled by my unconsious thoughts and dreams. I wake up feeling depressed and unsure of my plans and feelings I had so carefully cemented the during the day. I give it a few cups of coffee or so, and these feelings begin to deminish a little.

Give it time. It is still early. This will not be easy, especially be yourself. Many of the WW have their husbands to help and be encouraging (on second thought that probably is not too helpful anyway.) Your strength is admireable. It is extremely important that you not contact him in any shape or form. This will help you enormously in getting over the OM.

I remember a paper I did in colledge a long time ago regarding dreams. I do believe that dreams help the mind deal with some of the subconsious thoughts and feeling that you may have during the day. Have you ever had a nightmare after a scary movie, even though you did not feel scared at the time. I feel it is similiar to this. The repressed feelings are easily released is sleep. It allows you to address and deal with these feelings instead of holding them at bay for ever.

BTW, what was it that made you decide you wanted to work on saving your marriage. My WW follows your story (unfortunately she has not posted) and she is attempting NC now for reasons other then to save our marriage. Unfortunately, OM is a prominant figure at work and business contact is required at least twice a week by phone. She has no desire to work on us and is resigned to the fact that her actions will lead to eventual divorce. It has been one month since their "break up", and she has had a just a few personal phone conversations since then. I have agreed to let her just "exist" for a couple of months and we will see at the end of this time how she feels and if the EA has stopped. She admits that their is no hope that the OM and they will "work". Too complicated, as she puts it.

I appreciate your posts. It helps me gather some insite and learn to understand my WW and helps me not to be judgemental. It must be very tough for you.

NT,

I'm glad that you've chosen your marriage over... Just know that it is a long and hard road. Each of us heals at a different speed, but be aware that it may take MONTHS for you to be over OM. Don't give up. Continue to be strong!

Good luck <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
K

Chameleon and kevco- thank you so much for your responses. It is good to know that I'm not crazy, because sometimes I feel that I must be!

The reason I decided to give up the A is because I began to realize that it was changing, for one thing. I felt more and more feelings and he seemed to be holding me at a distance. I decided why should I continue to do this when it hurts? Also, I began coming to the realization of how hurtful this A was, to my H, family, etc. If my friends found out, they would be shocked and disgusted. And for what? Just because he made me feel special and loved and desirable??? My H can do that too, if I'd let him.

I've come to the conclusion that the reason I strayed is because I let the M get boring. It seems now that all we do is talking about the kids, yell at the kids, take the kids to sporting practice, and somewhere in there, the "us" has been lost. So we are starting to go out alone together more and I'm hoping to renew all those feelings that I once had for my H. Everything the OM did for me, I'm sure my H can do too, if I let him.

I'm trying so hard, but these dreams are killing me. They aren't sexual or anything, just very realistic and I wake at first happy that we've gotten back together, then depressed when I realize it is a dream and not what I'm striving for at all.

The scariest part of all is that school starts in about two weeks and I will have to see him everyday. I'm trying to build up my M and feelings so that just seeing him won't tear down my resolve. It is going to be so hard, but I'm determined...

Thank you so much for your advice, insight, and support. Chameleon, I've been keeping up with your posts and am so sorry for your troubles right now. Obviously I'm in no position to lend advice, but I feel for you.

Neverthought,

Your threads gives me strength and insite. You give more advice then you can possibly imagine without even saying anything specific to me.

Have you "broken it off" with OM or did you just let it fade after school was out?

Lets see about your dreams here for one second. Were are your thoughts during the day? Do you think about OM occassionally? If so, you will continue to have these dreams. I know it is difficult, but were your thoughts are your heart will follow. If you can't stop thinking about OM, maybe you can replace some of those happy thoughts about OM with some of the negative ones.

Good I am glad you have two more solid weeks to let the withdrawal occur. School starts here this coming Monday. I was worrying a bit. No more contact. Period. Is it possible to ignore him completely at work even though you see him?