I found out about my WW A June 2nd and we started Plan A June 18th. Everything was going along fine with no evidence of contact until last week. She called OM 8/4 and I found out and confronted her and she admitted it. Today I found out that she called him again on 8/7. I have not yet confronted her about it. How do I get her to stop contacting him? We have gone through the ENQ and had good productive discussion about it. This is ripping me apart. I can't understand what she is getting from this guy. He is a total loser living with his parents at the age of 35. Do I give her an ultimatum? I love her so much and our relationship is great in so many ways. But I don't want to share her.

Gold -

I will share some advise Elad gave me a long time ago...

Time & Patience...that is what you need and the strength to see your way through this.

First, if you are plan A---you realize that is for you...work on yourself. Exercise, spend time with friends and family, hobbies, read etc etc etc.

Now I for sure don't have all the answers. If I did I'd fix my situation and share all the answers with my MB friends.

You need to realize that you have no control on WS. The only thing you control is yourself...and how you react to the situation you find yourself in.

You can't make your WS do anything and you sure can't "push" WS anywhere. That's why time and patience are so critical... I know how you feel. You want to solve this and you want to solve it YESTERDAY...but it won't work that way....

Work on yourself and realize that you have great value...that you are important.

Breathe in, Breathe out...Put one foot in front of the other...Take one day at a time

Time and Patience...

You will make it...

You are among friends her who can help.

Post...read...contribute.

It will all help and you will be OK--really.

Good luck

PS - Check out some of Lostva's old posts - she was a "die hard" plan A'er. My hero!!

When I confronted her about the latest call she denied the contact even though there will be written proof when the phone bill arrives.

How do I handle a lie like this in an affectionate manner without LB'ing?

I finally also got her to give me a little more information about the emotional needs that I am not meeting that the OM does so well.

It seems that it is recreational needs that I am not meeting. The only thing is that there is no way for the OM to meet them either. Apparently, it is enough to know that he can and will meet them.

Specifically, WW would like more outdoors time. Fishing, hunting, hiking, horseback riding etc. This revelation came the day after we enjoyed a 7 mile day hike to a beautiful waterfalls nearby.

The reason that it is difficult or impossible for either of us to meet these needs is that her home based business consumes most if not all of her time.

I have told her that I am willing to go and do these things that she wants to do if she will free up the time. What else can I do?

Thanks for reading this.