I know that for me it's too early in her A and the time will likely never come...but..what if?
What if one day while you're plan B'ing they come to you,more likely before the A has ended,or after and ask you:Do you want me back?Do you want to get back together?
How do you think it should work?
What do you answer them?
Do you give them a sheet with what went wrong,the "SAA" book and a link to MB ?Do you reiterate what you went through,the slepless nights,eatless days and depression moments?
What do you TELL them ?

When my husband asked me to stop the divorce and take him back, I asked him: "What are you going to do to rebuild my trust and prove to me that you are serious? What is your plan to rebuild our marriage?"

When his plan matched my needs, and his actions matched his words, then I let him come home.

If your WW says "counseling" as part of her plan, then you say: Steve Harley would be fantastic! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Netvisage,

I don't know where you and you WS are right know, but I will tell you that there isn't any magic words that you WS will say. If your WS comes to you and says that they want to come home I think that you should take some time and see if that is possible for you first. You must be able to give your all on your recovery.

I think that after time thinking about how far you are willing to go. You must come to the choice on your own with the help of a MC. I will say that the first step should be that the WS has left the other person. If this hasn't happened then your recovery will be over before it ever begins. That is the first hurdle of your recovery. If the WS isn't willing to do this then true recovery is impossible. So, the other questions really need to be put on the back burner for a time.

Indy

Well,I'm on day 21 since D-day,so it's not gonna happen too soon.I'm still on the rollercoaster,one week up,2 days down....then back at it.Right now I'm down.
It doesn't matter really.I was wondering if introducing them to MB in the future,when their A is done(if ever)would help anything.I know that this forum is of great help to me..but..how will they see it.Is it wise to show them all the letters we wronte to ourselves describing what we're going through right now?How do we now that they're honest about coming back to us and they're not looking for a familiar shopulder that they know awaits them ?How do we treat them ?

NV;
When that time comes, you will know exactly what to say and do.
For now, it sounds like you need to implement a solid Plan A, and build from there.
It is early in this game, and we're sorry you are here with this problem, but you will find a lot of information, support and encouragement here.

It is probably best to try NOT to educate you WS regarding MB or most anything else right now. It will be viewed as controlling..when the time is right, the A is over or near over, the WS is no longer in the fog, you can put it on the table as a option. I bought my W SAA and Divorce Busters, just left them out for her and said, Hey, I am done reading them and found them very interesting, if you want to borrow them, help yourself... she did.. Hang in there...Do the very best Plan A that you can... it can really make a difference down the road.
Take care,
Dave

Thanks for enouragement,unfortunately it is too late for plan A since I don't leave there.I got suckered into "move out because we need some space to rediscover our love" line,and I did,it was a rental apt. anyway.I didn't know about MB at the time.Right now I'm 1 day into plan B.Not sure how good it will make since the OM lives threre.I did swear to myself that I won't be dragged into any fight,nor step there untill he's gone(if ever).Right now I'm more in the mood of shutting that part of my life and leave it behind me.I juut can't do it...yet.
Not trying too hard mind you to close that door.
I guess it would be way easy if I just could..but then again I wouldn't be here if I could just forget and move on.
But anyway,I do have the SAA book,and when the time will be right I will give it to her,just wondering if AFTER the A is over introducing her to MB is a good thing.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Netvisage:
<strong>Thanks for enouragement,unfortunately it is too late for plan A since I don't leave there.I got suckered into "move out because we need some space to rediscover our love" line,and I did,it was a rental apt. anyway.I didn't know about MB at the time.Right now I'm 1 day into plan B.Not sure how good it will make since the OM lives threre.I did swear to myself that I won't be dragged into any fight,nor step there untill he's gone(if ever).Right now I'm more in the mood of shutting that part of my life and leave it behind me.I juut can't do it...yet.
Not trying too hard mind you to close that door.
I guess it would be way easy if I just could..but then again I wouldn't be here if I could just forget and move on.
But anyway,I do have the SAA book,and when the time will be right I will give it to her,just wondering if AFTER the A is over introducing her to MB is a good thing.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How have you implemented Plan B? Did you write a letter and tell him no contact? To be honest, I think full Plan B may be a little early in your situation. Even though you are not living together, you can try to implement as much Plan A as possible, allowing yourself to grow strong and learn about yourself. Before you go to Plan B, the WS needs to have seen a consistent change in you and your behavior. They need to see you as a strong, desirable spouse. then, when you go to Plan B, they will then know what they are missing. I just wanted to make sure that communications weren't just hastily cut off. If they were, that is the last snapshot your WS saw of you, you want to leave them with the best possible.

Hi
Yes,I did wrote her a letter,telling no contact except for kids related problems and emergencies.
I didn't hastily cut off contact.It was pretty much the typical plan B letter .Unfortunately I
just can't do plan A.Not with OM living with her.
It may bite in the end,but ... that's life.I went to plan B ,I wil stick with it for a long while to let things settle ,and we'll see.I will try to detach myself as much as possible.It's not in my hands anymore.
I know that whatever the outcome I am now a better person then I was and I will be even better further down this road,never to repeat the mistakes of the past.