Hello Everyone,

It has been awhile since I last posted. I just thought that I would let you all know what I was up too.

My WW is up to her old tricks again. I will use one example. She was scheduled to get the kids at 8:30 am. She calls me at 8:15 and was just getting out of bed. I have had to add 30 minutes into my schedule when she gets the kids. She is still aways late. I didn't even hang aroud when she got here. She took the kids and I was off to the office. She called about an hour later and left a message stating that she was going to keep the kids overnight. She just thinks that she can control everything. I called her in the afternoon and told her that she couldn't keep them overnight. My family and I have plans that were made two weeks ago, and that she didn't ask me when she called on Wed to see about getting them. She then tried to bring up the past and for the first time I didn't fall into the trap. She said that I always put my family before hers and that her family was just as important as mine. I just deflected the issue and said that it wasn't true and I wasn't going to get into that. She then stated that she wanted and needed to meet with me to tell me something. I told her that I didn't think that was a good idea, but I would think about it. She told me that I would have to tell the kids why they can't spend the night with her, because she is done telling them that she can't. I said that is fine may I talk to my son. She hung up the phone. I thought that was funny and that she knows know that those tricks won't work on me. Of course the night wouldn't have been complete if she wasn't 20 mins late bringing them back. She had taken the kids shopping and was almost begging to help get the kids things for school. I told her that I have everthing under control and that she has helped enough. I also told her that she could kept the kids overnight on Thurs.

She is now going as far as to send letters to my lawyer asking for me to divorce her. I have not and will not divorce her. She started this mess almost two years ago and know she wants me to finish it. I don't think so. If she wants it so bad then she could get it herself. What do you guys think?

Indy

<small>[ August 11, 2002, 11:59 AM: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</small>

Hi Indy,

Good to hear from you.

Yep sounds like she is playing the same old games. Perhaps it’s time to get a visitation schedule in place so that you can count on the time you will have with the children. What she is doing is disruptive to their lives.

Sounds like you handled it well. You have obviously gotten much stronger.

As for who should file for divorce…. If you are not ready to file then don’t. But it’s also unrealistic to expect her to file just because she started this mess… remember that she is in a fog and is not acting in a logical manner. She certainly does not have your best interests in mind.

If I were you I’d look into military divorce issues. You’re your current attorney have much experience in this area? You may want to read the book Divorce and the Military II. There are some real issues you need to consider to protect yourself and your children legally. I’m not telling you to get a divorce, only to really know where you stand.

You don’t have any sort of court ordered time-sharing schedule in place do you? If not, at this point she has as much legal rights to the children as you do. She could show up one day and simply take them or not bring them back and you would not have a legal leg to stand on.

I’m very sorry it’s come to this. But I do think that it’s time to consider taking whatever actions make sense to protect yourself and your children. Hang who started it. The courts sure as h3ll are not going to care who started what.

Indy

Indy,

Just stoppin by to say hi. U know how I feel about you getting the visitation on a set schedule. It will be better for the children and yourself.

Will chat later, K?

take care,
L.

Hello everyone,

I just thought that I would drop a line. My WS is still trying so hard to control this situation. She was suppose to get the kids last weekend and didn't show up. She then called me later and for some reason blamed me. I guess that I should just expect that. She stopped by the next day and I allowed her to take the kids to dinner. Now, I have to ask this. Am I enabling (sp) this issue by allowing her to see the kids when she misses her pick up time?

Indy

Indy,

Good to see you posting!!! U really want my answer? Ok, I saw you nod, way out here on the west coast!! LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You should formalize the visitation and it should be enforced. She is a cakeperson...... why should she change?!?!?

L.

Hello Everyone,

I wanted to drop a line to my MB friends to let you know that the kids and I are still alive. Believe it or not I am trying to set aside time at night to get back here, but the kids and the house sometimes just destroy any extra time that I have. Well, I have made it through my second wedding anniversery, and I find myself wondering what I am waiting for. I am continully being bambarded from family and friends about the divorce and why after almost two years of waiting that I haven't gotten this over yet. Am I past the point of no return? I don't know. I still have a hard time talking to her. I don't know what it is. You would think that after 18 months of seperation that I would be able to by now.

It has really been a hard road for both the kids and I and I find myself so retrospective thing about the type of man that I am. I look back at myself before I got married and look at my I realize that my children are modeling themselves after me that will effect the adults that they are to become and I find myself lacking. Is this normal? I just hope that I am not killing myself over nothing. Any advise would be great.

Indy

<small>[ September 19, 2002, 10:10 AM: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</small>

I'm assuming you are from the Indy area by your name?? Email me at mb_going_crazy@hotmail.com

Going,

Yes, I am in the Indy area.

You have mail. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Indy

<small>[ September 19, 2002, 04:29 PM: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</small>

Hi Indy,

Reaching a point of settlement. You are getting there. Look back from last year til now. Do you still see yourself still stressed out as much as you were then? I don't.

So you have progressed. You need to acknowledge it and keep on that steady path. You are the one that is the stable rock for you and your children. Your children see that also. This is a good thing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

take care,
L.

Indy,

Every time we hear from you, you are get stronger. I'm so proud of you. Yes we all look at ourselves sometimes and see only what is lacking. We are our own worst critics. Give yourself a break. Look what you have done. You've been able to give your children a stable home no matter what their mom has done.

You are a good father. Keep at it.

Orchid and Silverlining,

Thanks for the kind words. I still feel like I have a long way to go. I don't know if it is strength that is coming out or if it because I hide the pain and torment better. I do know that I look past the hurt that I have as a Husband when it comes to the kids.

That is funny. I just used the word Husband. Can I honestly use that word to describe myself? I mean I haven't really be a husband in over 18 months. Just on paper. Days just seem to mend together into one.

Indy

Hello everyone,

I had a very vivid dream involving my WS last night. I won't go into details, but I was the first time that it was in the first person. I don't understand why after 2 years that my dreams would turn back to what they were in Jan 01. I felt textures and smells. It has really freaked me out and I can't get it out of my mind. It felt like I was back before this happened. Is this normal or am I just going crazy?

Indy

Hello Everyone,

I talked to my lawyer concerning a couple if issuses that I was having with the WS. My lawyer keeps reminding me that I am in the drivers seat with this and that I could pretty much control the situation if I wanted to go ahead witht the D. Of course that isn't to diffrent from what he has already told me, but he did say this at the end of our conversation. He told me that on the personal side of this situation that I have given her enough time to come back and that I really need to start to get this thing over with. She has made up her mind about not coming back that a final aggreement with the court will give me no doubt protection from her trying to pull anything and that we could move on with our lives.

I have been thinking about this conversation and I have been wondering if everyone is right or not. Even I still don't want to go back on my stand from the beginning of this process. Should I just tell him to do it? If my WS wants to come back she would even if were are not married anymore right?

Indy

INDY_357,

My dear freind, Indy ... I know you love your WS so much ... me too. However you have to look at the situation and access your options. We all try to save our M but if that is not possible at this point you should take care what is left of you. I have 2 D that I love dearly and inorder to make their life stable, I have to make mine stable. I have been soo strong and keep them stabilized (FCS's & their teacher's word) but going forward I need to take care of myself. Hope you see the point. You have to realize that you have done your best ... you need to end this to move forward with your life & your kids for you and your kids's sake... w/ or w/o your WS. IMVHO, you should proceed with it and protect yourself mentally & financially. Greive as much time as you need but you need to start somewhere to accept this. I know you don't want to hear this right now but with time you will find someone that will cerish and protect your love plus will be better role model to your kids than WS. Be that WS out of the fog or someone else .... For me, I want to start fresh ... I told SH that I left the door open and she closed it by filing and I locked it up and throw away the key forever. That key is DV (finalized) and I am even pushing it right now. SH disagree on throwing the key forever but I told him that I don't want WS anymore ... I know the amends that requires to rebuild is impossible for her to fullfill it.

Yes, there are some couple that remarriage and find happiness. -RH-

Indy,
what does your heart say?

I think it is sometimes too easy for lawyers to tell their client to get it over with and divorce, remember this is your marriage, and your decision to proceed with the divorce, not the lawyers.

Redhat,

It is good to hear from you and see that you are doing well.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by going_crazy:
<strong>Indy,
what does your heart say?

I think it is sometimes too easy for lawyers to tell their client to get it over with and divorce, remember this is your marriage, and your decision to proceed with the divorce, not the lawyers.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My heart wants me to never give up, but my mind tells me that she is never coming back. She likes this new life that she has.

My lawyer has allowed me to run this at my discretion. He has told me that I could go as far as I need to and that he wouldn't push one way or the other. He is a very good lawyer. I have had a preliminary agreement with her for over 1 year know. We even had to request an extenson through the court to keep that agreement effective. Here in our state they give you a year from the date of the last agreement if the D process isn't finish then you have to start all over again.

Indy

<small>[ September 25, 2002, 10:07 AM: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</small>

yep, know all about the 1 year stuff, WH had filed in March 2001, never gave me papers, (it was listed in the newspapers).

No actions were ever taken. The only papers that I rec'd from the courts were one that said me and WH were in counseling and seeking reconciliation (huh??) and then another letter saying the case had dropped out due to no actions.

Indy, have you counseled with the Harleys??

GC,

My WS filed on me the day that I buried my great grand mother. We had just seen her a couple of weeks before. By the way that was valentines day of 2001. She pushed for the D and we got together to discuss it a couple of times. But, 3 months later she calls me and tells me that she needed to talk to me. I agreed and that was when she gave me the kids. I went to my lawyer's ofice later in that week to get a support order together. That was the key to where I am today. That order was agreed upon in June 2001, because she lied to her lawyer and got caught. She signed the papers and didn't say a word about the D again until July and August this year. She is know begging my lawyer and I to finish that process that she started.

I thought about talking to Steve, but can't afford too. So, I have talked to people her and a councelor at church. I haven't talked to the councelor in months.

My WS had the kids lastnight and she had my son call me to tell me that he needed a lunch for school today. I told him that his mother could get him a lunch and that I couldn't leave work. He said ok. I told him that I loved him and I would see him tonight. I just love it that she can't get a lunch together knowing that he needs a lunch two days a week.

Indy

<small>[ September 26, 2002, 08:15 AM: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</small>

Everyone,

Well, I have made it through another September. I hope that the second DD anniversery comes and goes as well as this one has. I am still wrestling with the D and I am not sure what direction I am going to go. I feel that if I give up and push the D that I am making all of the things that I have said and done over the last 18 months moot. I don't know. I guess someday this will come to and end someway or another.

Indy

<small>[ September 30, 2002, 06:43 AM: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</small>

Hi Indy,

Checking in to see how you and the children are doing. I am sorry you are suffering through another anniversary. I hope one day you will find a day to celebrate.

I didn't get a chance to 'bug' you this weekend, but I will later, ok?!?!? LOL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You know that I think you need to get out and stretch those long legs of yours a bit more. Take up a sport - jogging, roller blading with your kids, cycling, even walking a dog!!! Now don't go out there looking too good or you will have a trail of girls a mile long and then Faith1, Zorweb and I will have to come out there and shooo them away!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

take care,
L.