I have been asking God since the beginning of my m. what it was I was supposed to be accomplishing. When everything started falling apart I kept on praying about why, I knew that eventually I would know an answer, but I never knew that it would be in the way it has been.

My YS got married last July and her whole marriage has been a reflection of mine. They argue and fight a lot and things have been difficult. She supports him (as I did) and yesterday she called me up crying, telling me that her h. was cheating on her. It was kind of weird because at that exact moment, I understood why I had suddenly been so frustrated at his past a., things that shouldn't matter anymore.

I was able to give her understanding and support her in any decision that she made, perhaps this was the reason. I would like to be able to give her more advice, so to those out there who have had WS's whom got involved over the internet please leave me some advice.

RAINE,

You know that my STBX EA was kind of an internet thing when it started but he knew her previously. It's hard you know that. Think back as to what you might have wanted in ways of support when you were going thru the whole thing last summer and try to do those things for sister.

Bring her here to MB, show her the concepts, is she wanting to work on the marriage or just get out?

Let her talk, let cry, let her laugh, let her make the snide comments that we must all make at some time. Then give her a hug and let her know that it's ok to do any of those things!!!

Pray for the Lord to change her so that the WH can see the changes, pray for the Lord to work in the WH's heart. The book a Praying wife is pretty good. Remember when you pray that it's always God's will that we are asking for, it may not meet the need that we have at the time, but it is His plan for our lives. Read Matt 14:22-33 Walking on water, we are to be like Peter and have faith but when Peter doubts he has problems. Pastors sermon was on this yesterday and was very good and really touched me in many ways. Thought that I would share!!!

You have been thru this you know the hurt that will come, you cannot stop the hurt from happening, but you can love and support your sister thru the hurt and pain.

Yes, perhaps you have went thru the things that you have so that you would be able to help someone else, but I do not think that that is why the things happened to you!!! God loves us to much to put that much pain in our lives, that is satan and his friends at work when we are weak, that is why it is so important to stay strong.

Have good Tuesday tomorrow!! Keep us posted as to how lil sis is doing!!!
Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Dawn,

You are always so right. She's doing ok, I'm going to visit her this weekend. Sometimes I wonder how much I can do. I'm trying to help her, help my other friend, but I guess last night I just cracked. My xh came down, telling me how he was ending it all, telling me how I hurt him and I finally just broke down and let him know how I had felt the whole marriage. He said that he hoped I hadn't really had any feelings for this OM because he had said that "my body had a lot of miles on it" whatever the hell that was supposed to mean. He said he never even liked OW, he went into it with the intentions of using her to hurt me. Finally after he realized how upset I was he just said, "what do you want? me to be a good father and leave you alone?" I feel like he tries to make me feel terrible about the way I look by bringing up what other people have said about me.

RAINE,

I guess it is a good thing there is a whole state between me and STBX, I don't h ave him in my face all the time, but then he gets no time with the kids either, bummer there!!!

From this statement you made me wonder is he trying to reconcile and doesn't know how to go about asking for that, or fear of him being rejected?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Finally after he realized how upset I was he just said, "what do you want? me to be a good father and leave you alone?" </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I feel like he tries to make me feel terrible about the way I look by bringing up what other people have said about me. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Think about this he sort of was asking to get back together and you turned him down and so now he has to get the last hurt in there before he leaves. Whatever it is these people are saying really isn't fair or truthful as I believe that you are a beautiful person, and I have never seen you!!! I know this by the way you write and your thoughts, the feelings you share and by the compassion that you have for others.

So know that he was taking a parting shot and that was all, probably is a person that has to have the last word!!! He knew he could hurt with that one!!!

Dawn

<small>[ August 13, 2002, 09:47 AM: Message edited by: daybreak ]</small>

Dawn,

You are so right. You always make me feel better. It's probably a parting shot. He wants to reconcile and if we do than: he'll be a good father, finish school, all those things. My question: Why is him doing these things dependant on me?

My sister says she's doing ok. I'm going to call her again tonight when she's alone and hopefully be able to really chat with her. Apparently she used his email account (the password had been changed) and there were a bunch of emails from a girl. Her reply: I'm still young, I don't need to put up with this. I told her she may change her mind, but either way I was there and would support her. She's feeling especially bad because she's having health problems (at 21!) and has gained about 25 lbs since they got married and is sick all of the time. It makes her feel even worse.