This is a story of someone who just got emotionally slap and is left confused and blamed.

My wife and I met 15 years ago on August 21, 1987. I was 19 and she was 18. The first time we slept together I got her pregnant and since we were young and hardly knew each other, she decided it was best that she got an abortion. Plus early on her childhood, she was raped and which got her pregnant and ended up giving up her baby up to adoption. She was dramatized for life.

We dated quite a while. Then we separated for a few months, when we both had affairs with other people. Then we sort of got back together. But before we hooked up again, I was already planning to leave the country to South America for six months. Therefore, I never took us very seriously.

Prior of me leaving, I was staying at a co-workers house, in order to save some money for my big trip. She was my formal boss. One late night when my girlfriend was out of town, I came home and found my new housemate intoxicated. I soon joined her with a few drinks, which followed with some un-protective sex. I didn’t tell my girlfriend at the time, since I felt it would only break her heart, and she was deeply in love with me.

A couple months later, I received a letter from my formal boss/housemate informing me that she has deep feeling for me and that she was pregnant with my child. I felt extremely guilty and confuse and felt it was time to stop my recklessness and do the right thing for once in my life.

I knew that I wasn’t worthy for my current girlfriend devotion, so I painfully wrote her a letter to break off our off-and-on again relationship. I waited til I return to tell her the truth. She was surprisingly supportive and knew the pain I was going through.

The next six months, after the baby was born, was the most difficult time of my life. My formal boss wanted to be with me and I wanted to be back with my formal girlfriend. I had to take my boss to court to try to get custody of my daughter and since she was wealthy and hired an expensive lawyer, and I was unemployed, she won the overall battle.

My girlfriend and I hooked up and started living together. Life was good, but not excellent. My love for my girlfriend grew strong, so strong I asked her to marry me, which we did on Aug 31, 1997. The day Princess Diana died. We were cursed!

The next few years, we struggled financially and emotionally. Our fights were always about money and having a family. Our careers never took off running and we never had any kind of long-term goals. We started having separate lives, she got into bodybuilding and I was trying to keep up with our bills.

Then she started a relationship with a trainer that promised to take her to her dreams in being a fitness competitor. She started going to bodybuilder shows and special fitness events with this guy. I met him a couple of times and received weird vibes. When I confronted my wife about his attentions, she just accused him as being anti-social and there was nothing to worry.

After months went by, there were signs of dishonesty. I told her that I didn’t feel comfortable with their relationship and felt it was necessary to break off their friendship, in order to keep our marriage alive. She agreed and she admitted that she was starting to have attractions toward him. She kept on seeing him behind my back but I always knew what she was up to, but choose to ignored it.

Then one weekend I decided that it was time to bring up the ongoing discussion of us having a family and to decide what we want to do with our relationship. She made it clear that she did not want to have a family and that it was up to me to decided the outcome of our future.

A couple days later while I was at work, I received a strange message on my cell phone. It sounded like someone accidentally redial my number and wasn’t aware of it. My curiosity forced me to listen on. I first heard a radio playing in the background, then a few minutes later I heard a woman moaning. The voice sounded very familiar, so I continued listening. After a few minutes later, they finished and they started chatting away, I finally realized that the female voice sounded like my wife. I was first shocked and in complete denial.

I dropped everything and took off to meet my wife at her job. She wasn’t there so I waited. When she finally arrived I confronted her by playing back her message on speakerphone. She was calmed and showed no guilt until she realized that the message was of her. She cried and told me to stop and then admitted that it was she and her trainer having sex.

My heart just dropped. I immediately went home, pack my things and checked into a hotel. Its been almost a month and I still can’t believe this happen to me. She has called me several times, begging for my forgiveness, and pleading me to return back home.

She told me that she forgave me with my affair with my old boss and that I owe her the same courteously. She claims she deserves a second chance and she would do anything to gain my trust again. She even told me that she is willing to bare children for me. All I can think about is the other guy and that stupid message.

My ego has been crushed and now feeling so lost and alone with a huge uncertainty of what I should do next. I’m trying to focus most of my time at work and just recently join a gym. Anything to keep my mind occupied.

Was this really my fault? Did I drive her into his huge arms? She told me that we weren’t sexually compatible and it was a big deal for her. When did she stop finding me attractive? Did I not pay enough attention to her? Does it this all matter? She told me it meant nothing, but why does it feel like it means everything? Don’t answer!

Part of me is glad that this happen, I thing subconsciously I wanted to get out of this relationship. We never had the same dream and in many ways weren’t compatible as husband and wife. We more like brother and sister. Friends.

Anyway that’s my story.