Hi guys was just wondering how long your or your spouses affair lasted & if it crashed & burned how long did it take.

1.Did you if you were the wandering W or H make contact with your BS when it was over

2.if so what were your reasons for contacting your spouse

3. What made the A end

4. Was it the WW the H or the OP that ended it
And anyother info you think would help us all here.

I hate to answer this one becaue I don't want to hurt any BS's here. I have known MM for 11 years. We had an on again off again A for 10.

I am a FOW. Here are my answers:

1. I'm not sure I understand this question. My MM never left his W. She left and came back many times.

2. n/a

3. In time we agreed that it should be over. He said that it was just too intense, that he needed to focus on his sobriety, his marriage and his job.

4. It was mutual agreement. I have long said though, that MM always come back. Maybe sometimes they don't but that has long been my experience.

<small>[ August 14, 2002, 09:24 PM: Message edited by: Katie Scarlett ]</small>

wrungout,
My FWH ended his A of 9 mo. after I found out who she was (girl from work). She stopped speaking to him after I found out and confronted her, so I guess she felt like he wasn't worth the trouble anymore. This made him realize that she never really loved him and that he was risking the real thing for what he called a "cheap imitation". Even after she made several attempts to resume contact, he never responded and is now making trouble for him at work out of bitterness. He came to me and told me it was over between them and that he wanted to work on the M.

Thanx for your replies! Katie Scarlett your answer to question 4 about MM always coming back did you mean coming back to the OW or the W??

In my case, WH started EA/PA in about February 2001. D-day was 1/25/02 and the A continued off and on until about 5/25/02. WH was trying to end it but was addicted/cake-eater. OW ended it for good in May and is now dating single guy.

WH told me it was over in April 02, but it really wasn't. Did not know for sure it was over until July 02.

OW and WH still work together/impeding recovery. WH has not said he wants to recommit to our marriage, but also says cannot live without me.

Sorry I meant they always come back to the OW. Espically if they feel like they can. If the OW leaves that door open it's not uncommon for the MM to knock when things get rough at home.

You might want to post this is Recovery. There are FWS who post there along with BS. Every situation is unique so for someone to make a statement about something always happening is doesn't mean the same thing will happen in your situation.

Oh KS...Your reply made me so sad.

Does that mean that you belive an alcoholic will always go back to drinking as long as there are liquor stores? Sorry...not called for.

I know your MM came knocking and I commend you on closing that door. You did a great job. Stay strong.

I know. If you recall I said at the beginning of my original post that I was hesitant to answer these qustions because I didn't want to hurt BS's.

As a recovering alcoholic I DON'T think that all drunks go back to booze as long as there are bars/liquor stores. At the same time I know from first hand experience that when getting sober I had to do 2 things. #1-put down the drink #2-change everything about my life.

I believe that strong recovery is possible. But i don't think it's a quick fix. Like any other recovery it's a very long road. My MM and I went back and forth for 10 years. We agreed. We ended it and he still came back. THis most recent episode was ugly. But the one thing I know for certain is that he'll be back. I just bought myself some time.

I don't think he'll be back because he HAS to. Hell be back until he's ready to change everything about the way he runs his life.

Having lived the extreme high that an EMA can be I know that everyday it's a choice not to pick up. And it's about maintaining my spiritual condition so that I don't find myself suceptable to picking up (MM).

As long as there are MM i'm sure i'll find myself interested on some level. The only question is what am I going to do about that craving.