Welcome to my bizarre world.

I just got off the phone with his w. Here's what happened.

W-hello
ME- hello w, this is KS do you know who I am?
W-yes (annoyed)
Me- I am calling you to express my concern about MM. After a year of NC he dropped by here on Saturday talking about how he wants us to be friends...I told her the entire story

She listened and said: You know Katie I don't know what you want me to tell you. Whatever happened between you and MM is your business. You sent me this letter a while back and now he's bugging you. I don't know what you want me to do. (boy was she pissed). If he's bothering you that's your problem, not mine.

Me- I just thought you should know
W-thank you for calling (complete sarcasm)
me-bye bye
w-hung up

Ok, so I did my part.

The onis is off your shoulders and on theirs. Does it feel like it?

L.

It just seems to me like everything that he said about her is true.

Either way i'm leaving him alone.

Lord help me!

Doesn't that sound like she may not know or care? Like maybe she dumped him?

Apparently she cares some. He just called me.

He said : KS, this is MM
I said: I can't talk to you

I hung up. He called again, so I turned off the phone.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

KS - good for you! Now stick to your guns - you sound pretty tough, so I don't think that'll be a problem for you. He's got the problem, now. He's in no-man's land. His wife is ticked big time, you want nothing to do with him - can't be too comfortable! Now why do I find some kind of perverse pleasure in that ??

Some guys have to learn the hard way, unfortunately. They keep sticking their hand in the fire until, one day, they finally realize that, "Hey! This doesn't feel good!"

As Orchid said, it's their headache to deal with now, not yours.

Hope this phase passes quickly for you.

This is an amazing yet terrifying feeling. I have never denied him ANYTHING. Ok, maybe for a minute I have, but not long term.

He'd whine. I'd make him jump though a selected hoop and then give in. I've never cut him off at the knees like that. I've NEVER hung up on him. I've cussed him out. I've called him every name in the book and then taken it back.

This way is kind of cool yet SOOOOOO scary! He's so used to having me as a safety net. That net is now gone. I'm quite sure his head is spinning just like mine was on Saturday.

I was doing fine. Then out of the blue he drops in and I felt lost, confused, and turned upside down. Now that i'm right sided again there's a part of me that feels bad for turning somebody else's world upside down. But you know what they say "you order sh*t, you'll get served sh*t." By coming to my house on Saturday and by putting his kid on the phone with me Sunday he ordered a giant pile of sh*t!

Hi KS,

Sounds to me as if his W was simply wondering what game you were playing. She had no way of knowing that you are walking the straight and narrow with her. At least that's the first thing that would cross my mind if the OW called. I'd be wanting to know if she was trying to cause problems between us.

Anyway, I want to applaud you for doing the right thing - you've just proven that your BF deserves you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Congrats for doing the right thing! Definitely you're going to feel different this time - because your behavior is so committed to being functional and hanging with functional people.

A man who would use his son to hook an extra-marital relationship back into his clutches is low. Low. Low. And for that reason alone, no matter what his wife thinks of you or your motives, she needs to know.

Katie,

You did the right thing. Even tho she acts like she doesn't care, I suspect that was her pride talking and that she really DOES care.

It's very surreal for me to know that he's this pissed at me. There's a part of me that wonders when/where/if he'll pop up again. I honestly hope that this is the end of this chapter in my life.

A girlfriend just said to me "are you afraid he'll hurt you?" That is a concern of mine, but not such a big one. His history is to hurt himself. I hope he doesn't do either, but i'd rather have him hurt himself than hurt me.

He went on and on about what an honest person he was (on Saturday). I guess if he were really being honest this would not have been a big deal.

I wish that BF were home tonight. He's got a show tonight and a rehersal tomorrow.

Light a candle for me guys. I'm afraid. I'm happy and I feel astonishingly free.

A sliver of guilt is hanging in there too.

<small>[ August 14, 2002, 08:26 PM: Message edited by: Katie Scarlett ]</small>

KS; does BF know all of this has been happening...?

Congrats! You did what needed to be done. What she does with the information is up to her. Try not to take her b*tchiness too personally, I think she was under the impression she'd never have to hear from you again. Anyway, you did your part. Well done 'NYC girl'!! What is they say about New York...if you can make it there you can make it anywhere.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Ya see, there are some perks to nobility!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

You did good Katie

I’m proud of you. I know how you agonized over the it when you wrote her and how hard that was. Now look at how far you have come. You did it with class. Have no doubt that she needed to know this.

As for her cool… I might be the same way if an OW called me. There is a concern about what the game is. About if the story is true and so on. She may also be burned out to the max. It is their problem not yours. By telling him not to call and then letting her know you are putting the responsibility where it belongs on him.

RE: It's very surreal for me to know that he's this pissed at me. There's a part of me that wonders when/where/if he'll pop up again. I honestly hope that this is the end of this chapter in my life.

How do you know how pissed he is? From you story he got only a couple of words in before you hung up. I worry about this statement of yours because it sounds charged with some sort of energy.. that excitement thing that used to keep you going. Please watch out for that. And watch out for him… he may not like being turned down like this. You say that he has given up his drug. Well your relationship was another drug for him. He is in a bad place right now, perhaps needing some sort of fix. Your friend might have a point. If he shows up at your door please don’t answer it. Call the police if he will not leave.

{{{HUGS}}}

Well at least you know how to turn off the phone! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

And nah, you didn't turn his world upside down, only he can do that to himself. His pain is completely self-inflicted. He could change his attitude toward his wife, if he wanted to. It's all about one's individual perspective. He could work on his marriage, work on filling his wife's emotional needs, educate himself on being a better husband, but NO, he decides to go outside of his marriage looking for thrills.

Are you sure you were a "safety net" or just a sure thing??? You never really know what to believe when dealing with someone like him--regardless of the length of the affair or how well you think you know a person. If things were that bad where he LIVES, he knows where the door is.

Try not to feel bad for his hurt feelings. It's a soul tie that needs to be broken. Be strong, you can see this through to the end. He's persistent and he probably will never give up. That just shows you how utterly arrogant this person is. yuck.

<small>[ August 15, 2002, 03:33 AM: Message edited by: BINthereDUNthat ]</small>

My gut feeling is that he will keep after you and try to break you down. Obviously he is simply not used to you saying no and meaning it. But to ignore your words and treat you like you don't mean what you said or you didn't know what you really wanted is the ultimate disrespect a man could show to a woman.

On one hand, it's nice to be chased, but when no really means no, it's aggravating, annoying and makes the person look like a stupid fool. I hope you don't start finding his persistence attractive in the least. To me, it's a sickness. Be ready to take it to the next level--as in restraining order. Everyone has the right to say no and be treated with respect with their boundaries honored.

Thanks you guys. This situation has been soooo loaded for me. I appreciate the support that i've received on and off the web.

What's interesting is that MANY people in my life feel like it wasn't a good idea to call her. Thank God I don't feel obligated to please others.

Z-
I have known this man for 11 years now. I have been his second W. (no offense to BS's) but that's the truth. From the way he said my name and from the fact that he called twice I know that he was LIVID!

He is the KING of psychological manipulation so I refuse to hear his side. The spin he'll put on this entire mess will infuriate me and I refuse to engage. Plus I just don't want his words rattling around in my head.

He's had far too much access to me and my life for far too long.

There is no question that I have been his drug of choice. Just as he was mine. A friend of mine said to me the other day, "he needs to understand that it's 'let go and let god', not 'let go and let Katie.'"

My continued support of him in trying times has stalled his bottom for for too long. I need to get out of the way of his bottoming out in this relationship. Truely, whatever happens with them is NOT my business and I won't be dragged into the middle of it.

I CANNOT begin to imagine what went down in that house tonight. I know the havoc he's wrecked over here over and over and over. All while he slept comfortably in his bed. I know this sounds b*tchy but until my phone range a few minutes ago, I was sleeping well.

I've never known him to be this angry with me and that's scary. Not charged and high just scary. The unknown. I have to replace my fear with faith though.

Anyway it's early in the AM (just got off the phone with my best friend in LA). I MUST sleep.

BTDT,

It's late even on the left coast! Go to bed!

You must have posted while I was posting.

No I DON'T find his persistence attractive. In fact it makes me sick. I have left word with my doormen to not even ring me if he comes by. I don't even want to know that he's been here. He's disgusting to me!

BF has been so wonderful through this entire mess. I'm not trying to go backwards. I have a very long history of sustained growth.

Scarlett,

I figured that was the case in why you said he is angry. Well you know him well so pay heed to your gut feelings. Be careful.