I emailed the plan B letter yesterday and today he gives me a response.

That he likes my plan, I assume he is talking about not communicating. That I know he is broke financially (guilt because I said I would not help him financially). OW is not his priority, and she has nothing to do with our problems. We (me and girls) are his priority. (Of course that is why he left and is planning for OW to come visit him from Sweden. Oh, okay) We live in Chicago.lol And that getting a job and his life together was also a priority. And by the way he misses me and girls. And this is the kicker. We should correspond through the email. Did I not say I would not be having contact with him. Boy, that is all fog talk. Oh and finally, Luvyou WS.

I have a tiny problem. We have a closing scheduled for our refinance next Tuesday. He needs to be there. I emailed the information to him and he responded that he has no money to come here so he did not know. This would help me out with a lower mortgage payment since I am the one who pays all the bills in our family. Should I send him money for gas or what. I also suggested that this would be a good time for him to get more of his things since I will be at work before and after the closing. Just trying to walk the path. Tiny step at a time.lol Thanks for replys. wu

I forgot to mention he is now living about 90 miles away in Milwaukee, WI. Thanks all. wu

Hey All: Plan B ain't easy. Last night just wanted to call him and tell him I love him and that we can work throught this. I instead went to my knees and prayed. Doing better today. I am going to go to work and get out of this house and chat with some of my girl friends. Whew. Hope today will be easier. Bye all. wu

Hey All: Plan B ain't easy. Last night just wanted to call him and tell him I love him and that we can work throught this. I instead went to my knees and prayed. Doing better today. I am going to go to work and get out of this house and chat with some of my girl friends. Whew. Hope today will be easier. Bye all. wu

wucus,

As far as the closing, contact your real estate lawyer if you have one and find out if the closing can be done by proxy or if he can sign over power of attorney to you for this. I wouldn't send him the money. That's meeting a need and you shouldn't be in plan B.

sad dad

Protect yourself financially- check into what sad dad said but if it won't work send him the gas money (if you think he will really use it to come and not steal it) or if necessary go pick him up in Milwaukee, take him to Chicago but let him make his own way home.
Your first priority is to protect your home for your kids.

Wucus...

Fist if you are in Plan B don't give your WS any money. This is part of Plan B for them to get a taste of reality. This is the part that you need to stop some of their cake eating. IF you give him money then he is going to be getting his cake fed to him by you.
Regarding the refinancing or financing I am in the same boat with my wife(WS). I have been trying to refinance our house to lower my mortgage payment. I am paying all the bills since my wife moved out. I contacted my wife and told her she has to sign some papers. At first she said ok and then she blew me off. She said oh I can't, I have no money, etc.. When we spoke my wife was yelling about things and I was very nice about things. My only advice is try to tell him how important this it for you to lower your payment. I told my wife this and after she blew me off she sent me an email apologizing for her actions. Keep trying and don't give him any money. Does he give you the "love" you want from him?

Dear wucus,
I'm away for a few days and this happens!
I saw this and just wanted to give you a hug (((wucus))) and say how sorry i am - you have really been through the meat grinder here this year. I hope things get better for you soon. You need to have some feeling of control over your life.

Will be thinking of you.
LIR

Thank you all so much: Guess what?! I can do the refinance with a power of attorney. I just need to reschedule so he can get the papers back to me.

Hey LIR: Missed you. I feel damned strong. My sister is helping me with my kids until school starts and I am just moving on. Working on me. If finally feels good. I hate that this refinancing thing came up now because I really have no other need to contact him. And the need to contact him now makes it look like what I wrote him was all Bulls--t. Hate it, hate it. Well anyway I will spring the power of attorney on him and see if he bites. Bye all. wu

Good for you wu -
You sound good - how are your kids taking all this?

Does this mean you are through with him? Or do you feel you would be willing to take him back if he decided he wanted to come home?

In other words, earlier, you said how lonely you sometimes feel - do you have a plan as to how you would handle it if he decided things weren't working out with OW and this time he REALLY wanted to come home?

What do you think you would do? Are you through with him, or do you not know yet? He has flip-flopped a few times now, pretty radically as I recall -

Just a thought.

Things seem to be improving for me - I feel like there is hope - signs of improvement in communication - H is relaxed and seems happy. Hope we can get MC soon (within the next few weeks) - he doesn't seem to be opposed to it anymore like he was - seems to be feeling more positive about the idea. Has been very respectful and considerate - the man I used to love and admire.

Take care,
LIR

Good for you wu -
You sound good - how are your kids taking all this?

Does this mean you are through with him? Or do you feel you would be willing to take him back if he decided he wanted to come home?

In other words, earlier, you said how lonely you sometimes feel - do you have a plan as to how you would handle it if he decided things weren't working out with OW and this time he REALLY wanted to come home?

What do you think you would do? Are you through with him, or do you not know yet? He has flip-flopped a few times now, pretty radically as I recall -

Just a thought.

Things seem to be improving for me - I feel like there is hope - signs of improvement in communication - H is relaxed and seems happy. Hope we can get MC soon (within the next few weeks) - he doesn't seem to be opposed to it anymore like he was - seems to be feeling more positive about the idea. Has been very respectful and considerate - the man I used to love and admire.

Take care,
LIR

Hi LIR: Now you know I am in no condition to make such decisions. I am so angry that if I did talk to him I would curse him like a truck driver. Guess that would be a luv buster huh?lol Anyway, I went to work out tonight and I could not walk far or fast enough on that treadmill.lol It helped to relieve some anger and stress, which was great. Now I am ready to move on to another day. I am a patient woman and I still love my husband very much. He could only come back after he was done with the A and was willing to work as hard as I am on our marriage. Who knows, he is in such a fog I am half expecting him to come and ask for a divorce. I am prepared for that too. Until either happens I will keep on walking, talking here and taking care of my babies. F..k him. F..k him girl. Just a funny joke I heard earlier today. That is my new chant. F..k him girl.lol Bye.wu

Dear wucus,

I got to the end of the thread and was glad to read that you can do the closing without H via power of attorney. You'll do great. ANd you're right of course, he is in a fog. Only someone on the outside can see them stumbling around. You're gonna be fine!

Hi Belle!!!

It is so nice to hear from you. It is nice to hear from old friends. Yes I know now here on day 5 that I will be okay. I just think it is such a shame. He keeps emailing me. He actually expects me to accept this (I guess). He must live with the consequences of his actions. I have forgiven him so many times my head is spinning and one day I just got tired of getting kicked in my [censored]. (Excuse the language) but that is how a friend of mine's old aunt put it. She said one day you will just get tired of getting.... I laughed like crazy. That was years ago but it is so fitting to my situation.

The kids and I had a good morning. I went to get my hair done and we had lunch at one of my favorite places. I felt good. Really good. And like you say Belle and you too LIR I will be fine however this pans out.

I feel like I have finally heard what God has been trying to tell me. Or my mom or both. I have always found the timing of this thing so profound. D-day was exactly one week after my mom's death. It was almost as if she was saying to me not to mourn her but to look at what is going on in your life. And so I went to work at what was happening to me. And although I kept trying to ignore the pain and hope it would go away, just when I was feeling okay about things something would happen and there I was again with my mom by my side saying, "I don't want you to have the life I had. You deserve better." My mom lived with my father's infidelity for over 50 years. After her death he did just what she warned us he would do - he moved his woman into her home. This woman was my father's OW for 50 years and my mother at first fought it but at last gave up and accepted it. We urged her to divorce but she felt powerless with six children and no money of her own. I never thought that the lessons I learned from my father and mother when growing up, while they were so painful, would come to mean so much to me now. Thank you mommy. I do deserve better and so do my girls. Thank you all for letting me tell my story and sticking with me through all this. I have finally come to a place where I feel strong enough to just let go. Bye wu

bump

((( WUCUS)))

I LIKE your style!

You will survive and thrive and be such a powerful role model to your kids! (Not to mention those powerful, muscular legs after all that treadmill therapy ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )

Keep your chin up!

Pepper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />