After more than a years worth of plan A attempts, I think I am finally "getting it". Minimizing LB's, being more patient, no expectations, etc.

There is one thing getting in my way. I have a huge buildup of emotional "stuff" that I need to share with H. I know that in a healthy marriage we should be able to share our thoughts, feelings, worries with each other and feel safe doing that. Share stuff that we share with no one else, rebuild a trusting relationship.

He has been out of state for many months and we are drifting further and further apart as time goes on. Kind of an unfortunate circumstantial Plan B because of business and illness. There is a wall of unresolved issues, feelings, resentments, misunderstandings, etc. between us.

I dont know how else to stay connected with him but to offer and ask for emotional support.

It just seems clingy, needy, weak to let him know how I am doing emotionally. To not let him know seems deceiving and dishonest.

I have no clue what his behaviors are at present as far as OW or any new ones. OW is close by, who knows what they are or are not doing/saying.

I have to operate blind on this so I might as well let it all hang out, just be myself as long as I treat him with respect and show him genuine love.

So how do I reconnect with him without driving him away? He seems open to listening to me, but very reluctant to offer much feedback, very shut down emotionally, distant.

How much of my "radically honest self" do I share in Plan A?

Replaced

I don't know if this will help but here it goes.

I had a terrible altercation with my WH last Friday. I caught him and OW in his work office eating lunch together. After the obvious screaming match, him leaving for the night, my children begging to give him another chance and myself just caving, I decided to lay every <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> thing on the line to suprising acceptance.

I told him that our marriage was dead and any hope of any relationship at all would have to be a clean slate. I told him everything. What I found, how a snooped, how it made me feel, what needs WH did not meet for me, my part of the A, what my questions were, etc. He was surpisingly open without giving me much info that I craved however, somehow it did not matter.

After I was done, I was at peace. I felt nothing. No love, no resentment. I don't ever want to talk about it again. I think he respected the fact that I soul searched and really layed it on the line. We still live together so my situation is different but I feel so relieved. I can actually sleep again and the A does not even consume my whole day anymore! What a blessing. I find myself only thinking about future things.

In other word this freed me. It is all about me now. It is about my future. He has been better about expressing some of his feeling to. I guess a little trust.

Getting it off my chest was the best thing I did but it took my 6 months. Good Luck. I hope it helps. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />