Little history:
Me bs 34
WS 33 - A (1#yr-?)was with longtime "friend"
0 children

Just curious if I am the only one who has absolutly no one other than ws? No relatives whatsoever, no friends, no one. Am I alone with this? If there is anyone that can relate? How do you cope with recovery? We/I plan to start ic/mc as soon as insurance takes effect.

To complicate things futher, I joined ws here (NY) where the ow is located and the pa took place. So I don't even have an aquantance in this part of the country. My only living relative(technically), a sister, betrayed me with my ex-ws (was m 11yrs)I haven't spoke to her in 10yrs, would be more negative to resume a relationship with her, as she has never apologized and their a was just 1 of many times she betrayed me

Sorry to ramble. It is just extremely difficult at times to reach inside myself for strenght to get through the day

Bless and Thanks to all.

Hello short1smile -- You are not alone, you have all of us here at MB. I know it's not the same, but really this has been my family/friend throughout my ordeal. I could not tell my parents -- they have failing health and would never get over the A and my WH. My sister that lives near me has her own significant problems that I am helping her with/could not burden her.

It's too hard to talk about with anyone but people here. Friends are well meaning, but unless you have been through this/are going through this it's tough for them to completely understand.

Where are you in NY? In the city? Upstate? When did you move there?

We're here for you. Hang in there and post.

Hi Short1smile,
First let me say I am so sorry you find yourself in this situation. It is horrible to go through. Unsureheart is right...there are a lot of people here for you. Post whenever you feel down or need an ear or even when you feel good! Please know that your friends at MB will be here for to support you and guide you through this difficult time in your life. You are in my thoughts and prayers and hope things will get better for you soon.
BH

Hi, short1smile,

I have my whole family and a few friends, but I still feel so alone. My WH has consummed me since we met 5 years ago so I do feel as though he's the only one I have.

I'm also in NY - where are you located?

I'm sorry you need to be here, but I'll also say this is a great forum with many caring and friendly people to help you through this.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Unsureheart, Brokenhearted and Free2BMe,
A sincere thank you for the warm responses and outreach. I can honestly say it takes the edge off of some of the isolation I feel.

Its truly tragic that we all have been brought together under these circumstances. But how lucky we all are to have found this board and the support of those on it.

I am normally a very private person, so reaching out is extremely difficult for me. Not that I do not enjoy the company of others, just past situations in my life has made me somewhat "guarded", which is why I only have aquaintances.

I moved here (NY-Poughkeepsie area) in 07/03 from NC/Charlotte, was there a relatively short period of time from WA/Seattle. There is no one that I really communicate with on a regular basis. My ws is my real only family/friend, so his betrayal completely shattered my world, trust and any shred of self confidence I had.

ad's have helped me balance somewhat, still having a hard time sleeping. Recovery has been progressing satisfactory, just having a hard, very difficult time with trust. Resolving to not isolate and to attempt taking down walls and extending the perimeters of my "world" to include more than just ws.

Sounds like a realistic plan?... just afraid I don't have the courage to follow through.

Thank you again
Bless to all

"The walls we build around us to keep out the sadness also keep out the joy." ~Jim Rohn

s1s,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"Love is giving a person the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to."</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think that is very powerful and is how I felt about my H just 4 years ago!

I'm a bit north of you near Saratoga. Since my H is out of town for a few weeks I've tried to reconnect with old friends to keep myself busy. I would like to find an activity also where I can meet new people. I'm very shy and somewhat of a social phobic so not sure how that will go. My H is a social butterfly so I loved that I could spread my wings with him and I always thought he'd be my security net.

Please keep posting and venting - it really does help ease your thoughts and pain. Let us know how your plan is going! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

short1smile,
I am so sorry to hear about your isolation. i was there about 10 years ago after a breakup with ex boyfriend. Have you looked around for local support groups or have you thought about looking for a group that enjoys doing things you like to do.
I am the same, I have a lot of walls and very few friends. Everyone here I consider a friend and I agree about how much help this board is. it is nice to have people going through the same as you.
Maybe there are some other MB-ers you could get in touch with in NY. Also there are people posting here 24/7 so you can almost always get a fast response when you need to talk.
Let us know if there is any way we can be of help.
What do you like to do in spare time? Maybe it will give someone some ideas.
Keep your chin up,
Hugs,
Layli

Reaching out to others is an excellent idea! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Not only will you have more support but, you'll also have people to help take your mind off things when you need a break from the situation with your H. I can say from experience that reaching out to others was one of the best things I did after d-day!

You haven't mentioned if you and H are in MC. If not, I highly recommend it. It's good to have a professional, objective, 'seen it all before' kind of person when things like this happen.

<small>[ August 15, 2002, 11:27 PM: Message edited by: mgm ]</small>

Short1Smile:
I can relate to your situation completely. My WS is the only family that I have. I, too, am a guarded person and am a homebody that tends to keep to myself.

My WS is well aware of my situation and used that as leverage in his affair. Afterall, since he is all that I have there would be no way I would leave him. Right?!? I think the manipulation of my situation is what hurt me the most about his betrayal.

Anyway, it is rough when you are alone without anyone close. However, you can find the strength to get through this mess. It just takes a long time.

I do wish you the best and realize that you are NOT alone <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I didn't feel alone when H and I were having problems...because I had the OM and I had great friends! Well, then H and I became seperated...I cut off contact with the OM and my friends were tired of the whole mess and stayed away. THEN I was very alone. I have a little family in WI, but both parents are gone and I have no siblings. I definatly felt isolated.

This is definatly a community here, and there are others like it out there. Many other people who have been in your shoes and understand what you're going through. Even FWS's!! So you don't have to feel alone...we're here whenever you need us!

Short1Smile,

I can relate probably like no one else. I too have no family left. All of my family passed away, within a year of one another, ( I am an only child and although I have some cousins somewhere I have not seen them in years. I do have friends, but they have their own lives and problems, and since I am trying to recovery my M , I really do not want to share this with them. Therapy did help some, but when I am at my lowest point in this, I always wonder, if I am staying out of fear of being alone more than anything else. I am a 50 year old man, who has developed a strong relationship with my In Laws.
In the same year my family passed, I lost my job and developed a serious chronic medical condition. How do I cope ?
Sometime I don't know what keeps me going, but I do know this. Even if my WW is conning me into believing in recovery, I am learning more about how to love through this experience than I have ver dreamed possible. Plan A has forced me to look deeply into my soul and confront the fact that I needed to change some things about myself. That realization and the effort I have made has had an effect on me. I am a better person and I know that I will be alright.
Not to be hokey, but as the Beatles once said ... In the end the love you give is equal to the love you get. I hold on to that idea to get me through the tough times. I know , deep in my heart The love I am capable of giving will someday be returned to me. It may not be by my WW, ( I sure hope it is), but it will be. I hope it helps to know someone else knows firsthand what your going through. I check in here at least a couple of times during weekdays, so if you need someone to help, just ask. You will be alright, just trust in yourself or your God.

S1S...

You know, you can have family and friends close by and still be all alone...

I am a very private person---especially when it comes to my personal life and have not shared much of my sitaution with friends or family (18 months past d-day, my W is the WS)...they all have their problems to deal with and, well like I said I am a very private person.

So in some regards, as you have noticed in the replies to your post, all of us feel a little isolated. While this is normal I think, it still is difficult to deal with.

Many have suggested here to reach out...even if you are a "guarded" person you can do that without spilling your personal life to others and still feel some measure of friendship and support.

Look for opportunities in your area to volunteer, take a class or whatever, but try to get out and meet/socialize even if that is on a limited basis. We all need that human contact. Who knows you may meet someone who will be a friend...

In the meantime, continue to post and read here...it's amazing how many friendships have developed out f what is obviously an ugly cirumstance for us all.

Good luck

E

I just can't express enough the gratitude I have for all of you. I am so touched by your words and support. It has brought relief to some of the pain to know I am not alone.

I know my reclusive nature narrows my world, and hopefully I will find the courage to follow through with my resolve to change that. As soon as my insurance takes effect ic/mc will begin, thats a huge step for me, to open up and start knocking down the walls.

ws is the social one, he has great many relatives in the area and they are a "close" family. I have a hard time trusting/embracing them, as they knew about the a (they knew the ow) and aided ws in keeping it hidden. I guess I partially understand their actions, after all their bond is with him,not me - I am the outsider.

The one thing I find so ironic is that ws has a somewhat large, closeknit family. He is one of 4, the only son and the "baby", obviously loved, overly spoiled (still is)so much so that he still has problems taking responsibility for his actions. He has many close friends that he keeps in frequent contact with. He is social and makes friends easily. He has me(anti-social recluse), my love, support. Although he admits that most of the sacrifice in our relationship was made by me, it was not enough to prevent his a. My lb was/is my independance. The irony? His en's has always seemed to be the focus of our relationship, so much so my en's have more than been neglected. Out of the two of us, I should have been the one to have an a. It never entered my mind. Belief, trust and hope for us kept me strong. Now that it has been shattered, some days I'm not sure about anything.

I will attempt to continue to post openly. Once a again, to you all, a warm heartfelt thank you from me. Your kindness brought tears to my eyes.

Bless to you all.

"Patience makes lighter what sorrow may not heal." ~Horace

<small>[ August 17, 2002, 12:41 AM: Message edited by: Short1Smile ]</small>