I am a mess. have been shaking all evening, more or less.Can't get any food down.
WH is gone, and this time I think for good.

As you see from my sig line things started to get better with H and I.
Until the end of June, and from early July he stopped coming over and calling me. Lost the interest in our sons too. I suspected there was someone on the scene. Either OW#1 or someone new.
During June I had found evidence of him going out on dinner dates. I confronted and he lied about it, in the end he had to admit. Told him since he wasn't into committment, I couldn't keep sleeping with him. I started to feel used.
This week MIL confirmed there's an OW, they had met her while helping H move. She had just turned up. This happened 3 weeks ago, so it's about 5-6wks OW's been in the picture.
This was too much for me, I had to get the D going and since we have been separated nearly 2 years now, it will be sorted soon. The M didn't exist anymore. H wouldn't lift his finger to do it. I knew I had had enough. Still it doesn't help the enourmous pain I'm feeling.I know D has to happen, but then.. I know I still love H, I didn't want this. I wanted to make it work, I really did.

H, finally, came to pick up the boys for the weekend. He has hardly seen them in the last couple of months. OW#2 hasn't seen them yet. We talked a bit, and H says this is it, he's very interested to make it right with this OW. Taking it slowly, being honest!!!! Told me OW knows I still love him etc. etc. load of crap. I tried to find out when it started and did he once again overlap it with me. No, no, not at all.(At least there was about 2 weeks in between!!ARGGHHH) And she's not the "other woman" as it was over with us!!! This makes me mad.OW's just something special (So was OW#1!!!) She's been separated for 4 years, her H wants her back, two kids. Few years older than I, according to MIL looks like has had a hard life.
H told me he's not coming back, sorry he didn't have the feelings for me. Tells me I am still a good woman. OW rings his mobile , and he talks so softly and nicely to her. I lost it, after his call I yelled at him , swapped into my native language, but sure H understood enough!!
I calmed down very quickly. H kept talking and mentioned OW#1 had been harassing him last week. Said it was over with her 6months ago, but I know there was text message contact still in April. OW#1 had gone on psycho mode and calling in the middle of the night, begging H to come back etc.
Can you believe this guy has 3 women around wanting him. I just tried to save my M and have father for my precious boys.
I don't want to be part of this show anymore.told H he can then go back and forth those 2 OWs!! We'll see, H is a happy man(looks like wreck!??), got his D and a shoulder to cry on. I am alone, I feel good I was able to make a decision to D without having anyone else on the wings. BUT the pain...I know that will fade.
H doesn't care less about being divorced 3rd time, looked a little suprised how quickly it will happen now, but otherwise he's so happy about this new OW. What a mess, I know he'll crash one day, he says he's learned so much during the last 2 years. He surely hasn't learned how be happy just by himself, not always filling the emptiness by an other person.He's been like this for the 29 years, I don't think he would ever be able to change. My advice is, if you are looking for long term relationship, avoid people like H, too many Ds and too much baggage.

I really don't know why I still love this man?? Help ...anyone..

I feel your pain. Keep your head up and your spirits high. You are among friends here.

Hi BIF

This story sure sounds like my delima.
I. 1. STOP ALL RELATIONSHIP TALKS IMMEDIATELY
2. DON'T BEG OR PLEAD OR SEEM NEEDY 3.HAVE YOU PURCHASE SURVIVING THE AFFAIR,DIVORCE REMEDY OR DIVORCE BUSTING

This may be hard, but what did you do to attract him back in your life? continue to do whatever it was to get him.

He's looking for the women he fell in love with.
Not saying this mess is all your fault but you have to look at your part you played.

Don't make a decision when you are emotional
start going out get with friends don't be available.

If he calls look on the caller ID don't be in a hurry to talk to him, if he calls one day, wait to give him a call don't show him you are desparate that doesn't look attractive.

See these women in the begining seem to have it all together until the relationship get old and they become needy this seems to turn WS off.

Please hold off on the D this will be devastating to your children please read ,read and read those book you will see some results.

Don't let him see you sweat.Once you start getting results, you have to continue being a new you. THIS IS A FOREVER CHANGE AND THAT IS THE HARD PART. Remember no relationship talks no I love you even if he talks about relationship use your judgement but try to change the subject.

Thanks g,

I appreciate your support. posting here helps a lot.

Thanks MALC,

You have very good advice. In my case I think it is all too late, it won't work with H anymore.
I'll still be going into plan B mode for my own sake, he was suggesting talks over coffee. Have to say no thanks, I can't be his friend. He would just end up getting the attention and support of 2 women. He's friends with his 2nd wife, I am often being compared to her.
How I should just take it so easy. well 2nd wife , behind it all, has cried for the loss of her M for years, just done it quietly. After 10 years, still gets triggered about the loss. The scars of D will certainly be everlasting. H wants the friendship, that way it lessens his quilt.
I have done all those things you mentioned. Plan B, 180s, I saw his A#1 collapse. I just don't have the energy anymore to go through up to 2 more years of this. I know the A is going to end, and then what quarantees there will be..OW#3 and goes on.
I know D is not right, but there's not much else I can do. Two affairs is too much for me.
The kids ..breaks my heart to think what they have lost.

Thanks

BiF,

I can certianly relate to what you are going through (see my sig line)

I'll still be going into plan B mode for my own sake,

I know D is not right, but there's not much else I can do. Two affairs is too much for me.

Good for you.

God Bless,

D.