Well, the song actuallly goes something like "Do lang, do lang, do lang, ooo ooo ooo" but I had to use "2s" in there, after all!

Couldn't think of a good subject line anyway.

I've got only a few minutes to post before heading off to work, but wanted to give an update.

Not much to report. WW is working on this report of hers. Complaining about it all weekend. All about how she's having to do all the finalization with little help. Their company had laid off a lot of their support staff, so not much editorial help there, to be sure. But the complaining sounds more than it needs to be. Other thing, W said last week that Rat Meat had sent his report on CD and she'd gotten it. Well, 2 days later it was "sent the report without figs via email, and CD hasn't showed up yet". GROAN. Well, maybe he snailmailed it instead of fedexing it, like she'd requested. Jerk!

I'm being patient, though, which isn't necessarily a good sign. I am being patient because I CAN be patient. This is just so ridiculous, it's gone on so long, that I can't get upset about it anymore.

I DON'T like it that my W has contemplated not doing this teaching job that starts tomorrow. It's not a full faculty position yet, but it sure could become one. If it did, she'd get a decent salary and would have her summers off to work on her research property. Her current job will NEVER give her any consistent opportunities like that.

In other news, there's a non-zero chance that we may end up with a settlement on our house above the insured amount, because of damage that occured to the house due to it being inadequately protected from the weather by the insurance contractor after the fire. So, though she doesn't show any signs of thinking this way, we possibly COULD go our separate ways with enough split between us to get a good start on our own. *I* certainly have thought about it.

Well, sorry for the long, but short (!) post. Got to run off 2work!

Hi 2Long

Your signature line says

7-15-02: D-DAY #3 EA continues unabated via private email.

which isn't that long ago....
my experience in these things say: unless clearly proven otherwise, the A is still going on. So I would strongly suspect your WW to be still in contact with OM. Maybe I'm getting paranoid here - but that's at least what my experience has taught me so far.

What's your gameplan now? Are you living together? Are you negotiating with her re. No Contact? Have you put yourself a 'deadline' for plan B?

2L; I know you've been hanging on to this "report being delivered" as a milestone of sorts, the "final" contact...but in all likelihood, that will not be the case. Your W is not there yet, as mine isn't either. It is not a failure on your part, it is just the way it is...for now.

Stay stong, try to find ways to make it "bearable" for a bit longer, until you are ready for Plan B for real, until Steve has a few sessions with you. Then you will be able to have a "rest" from that pain, as I am having now.

Nick:

Yep. Like I've said elsewhere, I'd bet large sums of cash that, if my W had gotten to NC on her own, she'd be bragging to me about it. So, though I haven't heard anything about contact, except the receipt of that report via email last week, I am working under the assumption that it continues until she proves otherwise.

My game plan? We're still together, and have been except for that week I moved into our guest house last month. I have only spoken with Steve once, over 3 weeks ago, and still have to get my homework done. He wanted me to drop discussions of NC for now, so he can learn more about my situation and maybe talk to my W himself. Last week, I started a marathon couple of tasks at work that won't be done until Tuesday next week, then I have an interview out of state for a GOOD job on the next day. A lot of my game plan hinges on that interview. As a family, we talk about either all of us moving there, or just me getting an apartment there and keeping our house here. My W doesn't talk about separation or DV, but I do think about that possibility.

I'm not so much worn out right now as I am apathetic. I guess the "Vitamin P" has helped in that regard somewhat. At least I don't feel panicy lately. Anyway, thought I'd see about this job offer, which should give me a couple more months to make a decision as to whether to accept any offer that might come. Also might give me some leverage with NC, if my W is told that one of the options I'm considering is separating and going there alone.

SC:

yeah, you're right. Only I don't fret so much about the contact continuing. I certainly don't EXPECT it to magically stop when the report is done, either. If that were to happen, that would be one thing, but she's also got to be open and honest with me, and that's going to require either giving me her hotmail password or eliminating the account AND proving THAT to me. Neither of those outcomes are very likely anytime soon.

I guess all I can say is that these things (ending contact, giving us passwords, etc.) are part of a process. I know we all want them to happen NOW, but they just don't.

So we can either "live with" the process, and know that they are going on, or we cannot, or the process takes too long, (Hello!, Mrs. SC!!!), and we are "forced" to remove ourselves physically from the source of the pain while an outcome is reached.

But once we accept that it IS a precess, and that it won't just happen immediately, that is the first step. And you've done that. But remember also that nobody else has been telling your W that this needs to happen, except you. I had Steve pounding on her for months! And even so, she still refused, apparently up until now. A very wearing process, I know.

It would be great if you could get her to C with Steve!

So, yesterday when I got home, WW said that Rat Meat's CD with figures got "lost by Fedex". Do I believe that? Well, I guess it's possible, but I KNOW that Rat Meat is a liar and a cheat. Do I believe him? I don't have to. But it doesn't matter whether I do or not. What matters is just how long will my W believe that Rat Meat is any better than Rat Meat (like Mouse Meat, perhaps? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )

I seem to respond to my own posts a lot! Maybe I should change the title of this thread to something more eye-catching, like: "Jesus is coming soon, and boy is he pi$$ed!" But that would be a ripoff of a bumper sticker I once saw.

Today, I helped my W with some text she was working on. Had to email it to my laptop so we could print it. Used her browser to get to my email, and saw that "hotmail" is in her "history" column for the past several days. So, she's been communicating with Rat Meat for several days now, at the least.

I've noticed I can tell when she's "talked" to him. Yesterday, she ranted and raved about something the contractor said the other day, but didn't seem to have a problem with it the day he brought it up. I knew she'd talked to Rat Meat earlier that day, because it was after she told me about the CD allegedly being lost in the Fedex system. Bull feathers.

The secret second life continues, folks. I wish we didn't have such a complicated house situation to deal with for the forseeable future. I'd get out.

And now, a vent:

Rat Meat:

I know I'm not supposed to say anything bad about you, so I won't. I know I'm not supposed to call you names, like you're a lying sack of sea-goin' salty salmon $hit, steadily sinking somewhere south of Seattle, so I won't. I know I'm not supposed to "interfere" with the ending of your A with my WW, so I won't say stuff like back the he!! off, @$$hole! I know that, even though your middle name begins with an "A", I'm not supposed to then call you Rat @$$hole Meat, because that wouldn't be nice, even though it might be accurate and is certainly descriptive.

So I won't say any of those things.

Let me help !

I curse you RatMeat ... may your crotch be infested by a million mites ... may your skin itch, scab and flake off in sheets of dead skin the size of pancakes ... may your head be filled with tinnitis ringing to the level of Notre Dame's tower bells ... may your bunions throb and swell to the size of tennisballs ... may your teeth ache with rotten cavities and your infected gums bleed ... may your ill-timed volcanic flatulence be mighty and powerful and make you unpopular as a companion to all who know you ... may your incurable onion breath be chronic ... may your voice become nasal and irritating as your adnoids swell and create purulent exudative post-nasal drip with a viscosity so great, it cannot be coughed up.... want more???? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Heck yeah, Pepper. Tell me MORE!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

2L, Pepper - I think you guys are being way too kind. This situation really bites, 2L. I'm so sorry.

I have never been able to say anything bad another human being, but if I could, I would say to Rat Meat:

May 10,000 painful parasites take up permanent residence in every orifice of your body, causing continual oozing of a smelly and gelatinous substance... may your genitals fall off on national TV...may your body contort in such a fashion as to cause cranial-rectal fusion...maybe I better stop!

Great stuff, guys! Keep the suggestions coming!

The situation really does bite. I can't tell whether SC is right and I really am just protecting myself from further hurt, I'm apathetic, or I'm just addicted to Vitamin P. I really don't know. I really do think that I'd go to plan B, in another state with another job, if it weren't for this house and the many unsettled issues with it.

Yeah, I'm currently rather busy with work, but I also have had some time to do that homework SH asked me to do, and I find I just don't want to. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I *DO* want this crap to be over. And that CD being "lost" yet AGAIN is not helping me with my attitude one bit.

Hey, what happened to our "teary" gremlin?

YOW!!! I know the feeling my friend. And I'm sorry it's flared up again like this. Not much more to say, I guess.

Many times during this apparently endless saga, we are forced by circumstances to wait to make the decisions we need to make, and many times we cannot do what we'd like to do, what is right to do. But we play with the hand we're dealt, and make the best of it. And I think you have. Now, there appear to be new avenues for you coming up, and perhaps as you take them, you'll see the new path. And perhaps it will be better than the previous one. Have faith! This too shall pass.

Vitamin P? I thought that's what Pep took for...something!

Oh, the teary gremlin went away with the upgrade we had recently...I guess the new rule is "There's no crying in baseball!" (I mean at MB!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ August 20, 2002, 07:57 PM: Message edited by: Spacecase ]</small>

SC:

I think Pep was referring to Prozac. At any rate, I liked that Vitamin P reference, so I kyped it!

Yesterday, just before I had to pick up my W from her first day teaching (didn't want to fuss with parking on the first day), my MIL came over and told me how frustrating it is for her and my SIL with my W not talking to them. My SIL has been out of work for about 6 months now, and is going to have to move from her rental, as it sold recently. My W had offered to let her stay here with us, but we ALL know how they get at each other easily (long story, but they're so similar that they fight easily). I suggested she move into the guest house with MIL, but she doesn't even think that would work. MIL started crying, and doesn't know what to do.

I wish my W would stop talking to Rat Meat and start talking to her own family, for Rice Cake. When I picked her up, she was pretty cheerful, and we had a decent evening together. She did complain once or twice about having too much to do. I was tempted to tell her to quit the job and focus on the teaching and her research property, but I really fear that she needs to get this hotmail acct for Rat Meat out of her system on her own. I just hope she does it before I REALLY don't care WHAT she wants to do. And depending on what happens at that interview in one week from now, that could be soon.