I find myself wanting to post and tell my story over and over again. However, since I have wiped my slate leaving the ball totally in my WH court, I find myself with little to say or do. I am not complaining mind you, this beats the h@*l out of feeling bad about myself. I just look at him and see pity for the true torment he is in. Mind you he is getting what he deserves, paying the consequences but I feel nothing and really do feel so peace. On the days he wants me, I accept it for what it is worth. When he is moody and withdrawn, I accept that. I find myself in a eutopia called "I don't care anymore ville". I guess it is self preservation.

I hope that resolution may follow.

Big Hug to you, RNR!

Be strong, be kind, be better, be generous...to yourself and to others.

You will know when it is time for another act in your play, and we will be here for you.

Just having a place to vent is enough. I hope when my resolve is complete I will be of better help to others. The waiting game really is for us. It helps us know that we will be okay.

Thanks for the support SC. You always are there for us all <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

R,

I can so relate to where you are at!!! Hard to believe our stories are so different but so the same.

I am at peace with me and that I tried, it took a while to get here though. I feel pity for STBX and what he has allowed to happen with his life, he isn't in a good place and chances to lose everything, has already lost his family, but his job and self respect will be next!!

The saddest part is that he doesn't even have a clue that this is all to come. Wasn't there a saying "I pity the fool!!"

Keep coming here and keep venting, you are helping yourself and others, you brought a smile to my face today, knowing that I am not the only one at this spot!!!

Love and support to you!!!
Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks.

WH came home yesterday madder than a wet hen. I asked him once and he said "nothing". I am not at this point going to beg for openness. I just didn't let him get to me. He screamed at my D infront of her boyfriend, yelled at my other D and was totally miserable.

Mine too does not realize what he has to loose if he continues on this path of self dstruction. His children are getting so resentful. He takes his anger out on them now instead of me because you know he wants to work on our marriage. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
I can't stop him because it only accelerates. The kids are fighting back a little. I sometimes think instead of them begging me to give him another chance, they soon will be begging me to kick him out. I know that it will definitely mean divorce when I do. I am too emotionally drained right now to make any decission at all so I choose to withdraw.

I will be interested to see how the next month goes. Her divorce will be final and when life alone with 3 kids sinks in and my H is unwilling to commit, The pressure will be on. He thinks he is backed in a corner now, just wait. He is doing irreversable damage to our marriage. In fact that marriage is dead. Our only hope now is to completely start over. I am not sure I have the energy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

It is funny how addicted I am to this site. Nothing new to post just more of the same. I still feel the need to type something. I feel no emotion toward my WH. I went to the MC yesterday and basically he wanted to know what I want. I don't know so at this point no decission is the right decission. I am not emotionally capable to make a decission. Of course as confused as WH is he won't go. Doesn't need anyone to tell him what to do.

I kicked WH out and he came back. He had the perfect opportunity to leave and make me out to be the bad guy but he won't go. So there goes it. More babble. My mother died 11 years ago today. I hope she does not know the heartache I have felt the last 6 months. I hope she is only watching over me and will guide me with her unconditional love.