BB,

Just wanted to say that I've been reading your thread - and dispite your claim of much crying, you sound like one very tough and smart cookie. Keep up the good work.

Spacecase,

I wish you would come over to my thread and give me some advice too. You sound like you know what you are talking about.

-AD

Spaceguy - I am doing okay....

AD - thanks for your kind thoughts - they mean alot to me right now because I am sitting on the edge of just falling apart....like the view on the sane side, though......

Update - Friday night, WS went out on a drinking binge for 5 hours. Came hope screaming and yelling at me as usual. The only big difference this time was that he accused me of causing his bipolar disorder!!!! Hey I know he thinks I try to control him, but having access to the chemicals in his brain is a real fete!!! I finally took the baby, got in the car and just drove around until he left the house. He went to a hotel.

He called on Saturday morning all apologetic (again) and asking if he could come home and talk to me. When he got there, he told me that he could not stay in our house with me - he needed some distance to get his head together. He had two possibilities: 1) go to England and stay with his family (which, conveniently, is only 45 minutes from OW); or 2) check himself into a hospital. I told him that I certainly could not stop him from going to England, but if he was looking for my buy-in or support, I could not do that because I know the real reason he would be going is to see OW. He denied that..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Since I didn't buy that, he was just going to have to check himself into a hospital. I said, "Fine, I'll drive you there if you want." He paged his C who advised him not to do either - told WS that the real reason he was going to England was to see OW and that was NOT a good idea. Also pointed out how expensive a hospital would be. Asked WS to wait until he could see him today. C then asked to speak to me and asked me whether I could handle allowing WS to stay in the house until Today. I said yes. He also said that if WS's drinking is as bad as it sounds, maybe he needs to go to AA or a rehab clinic. I told him I agreed, but that WS had refused those options in the past. C said maybe an intervention is in order. I said that I would leave that up to C. I did ask C, though, whether he told WS that it was understandable why WS remained in contact with OW like WS claims. C said ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! C then asked to speak to WS and told him that he should stay in our house until today. WS asked him whether I should come to today's appointment and C said, "Yes."

The rest of Saturday went great. We went out to dinner and had very nice time.

Yesterday, the baby and I went out to run errands (grocery store, etc). Came home to find WS gone. He called to say he was on his way home - he went out for a few beers because he needed some time to himself. HELLO??????? Time to himself? He was all by himself in the house for several hours?????!!!!!!!! Anyway, when he got home, he proceeded to drink two, full, bottles of wine and, then, attempted to start in on me again, by asking whether I was stressed out about seeing C today. When I said no and asked why I would be stressed out about that, WS said that alot of **** was going to come out on the table today and was I going to be able to deal with it? I asked him what he meant and he said that today we were really going to get down and dirty and get everything about our relationship out on the table! I told him, no, that is not what my understanding is - that this was to discuss his drinking and that there was a very good chance that the C was going to recommend a rehab. His response was that he would go to rehab, but there would be no marriage when he got out! He then proceeded to tell me that if C recommended that he cut off contact with OW, he would not do so and that I have to just accept that she will be a part of his life and that he will keep in contact with her and have relationship with her for the rest of his life!!! He also stated that he doesn't understand why working on our marriage and putting our marriage back together must be contingent on his cutting off contact with OW. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I then removed myself from the situation by going upstairs, at which time he passed out on a kitchen chair.

This morning, I asked him whether, now that he is sober, he meant what he said about continued contact with OW and was it just the alcohol talking. He stated that it was not the alcohol talking - he meant every word of it. I am now at the point where I no longer want to work on this. I am physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted, drained, distraught, etc. I will go to today's session for the sole purpose of helping the C understand the extent of WS's drinking problem and for telling WS to use the money in his bank account to go out and get an apartment. I will try a Plan B, no contact, but I don't think it is going to make a difference...

I will update after our session with the C - not holding my breath, though.

A very sad, but resigned, Brit's Brat/BS-41
WS-43
DS-10 months
Status: Very deep fog - ready to run aground.

BB,
All I can say is Whoa. What a roleer coaster you have been on. I don't know how you do it and find the time to post on my thread and help me out. You are an amazing woman. I think you are perfectly justified in the actions you have been taking. He definately needs help with the alcohol. I hope he gets it. I think you should definately schedule an appt with Steve. I just think it helps talking to him since we spend so much time on this site, trying to impliment his teachings. he just seems to have such confidence. He really gets whats going on with these situations and has the most amazing way of understanding the people he counsels. I say one appt with him wouldn't hurt.
Let us know,
Hang in there,
You are in my prayers,
Layli

Hi sweetie, I know .. I know.. I know... these types can be so oooo lovable, but sooo unlovable. sounds as if he has drinking problems... have you tried alanon... my h has lots of problems with the drinking which I think have been part of the whole big A thing... and the low self esteem and that they need admiration from someone who expects NO RESPONSIBLE behavior from them? Are we dealing with rebelious 13 yr olds or what?

I cant wait to see you tomorrow.. hope I am not be4ing to o harsh.. I know that you love him.

Some of the aggravation in my h's drinking issues and A issues is coming out here... please dont take my sarcasm personally. Hugs to you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Hugs, HONEY

BB;

How did the session with C go?

Hey Spaceguy...I think I am moving over to Plan B (not by my choosing) or Plan D - the next few weeks will tell. For the first 1/2 hour at the C's, we talked about WS's drinking and the counselor agreed that WS has a drinking problem and needs help - preferably AA. WS seemed take it well and accept what the C was telling him. Then, we got on the subject of our R. Long and short of it, WS resents the very sight, sound or thought of me, including who I am, the person I am, my successes - you name it, he resents it. He says that I treat him like a little child, give him no credit, discount his opinions (this was a BIG one - it seems as though if you don't agree with him on everything and anything, you are discounting him), try to control him and am just an overall B**** BUT, he said he was willing to keep working on our marriage. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Then, came the BIG issue - OW. The C made very clear that WS had to cut off contact with OW in order for us to properly work on our marrage. Interestingly, when I mentioned the Harley principles, C was familiar with them and cited the names of what he called excellent books by the Harley's!!! Long and short of it, C said that WS should take 24 hours to make a decision re: cutting off contact with OW.

When we walked out of the C's office, he asked if I had called an attorney. I said, "No, was I supposed to?" and he responded well, I thought you would at least do that. I then replied that I told him I was going to go to the C session with an open mind and an aim toward putting our M back together and having an attorney involved was not supportive of that. I then told him that if he did not choose to cut off contact with OW, he would have to move out of our house and would have NC with me until he was ready to cut off contact with OW. He said he understood. I did not hear from him again until 4:30 when I asked him if he was going to pick up our son from the sitter or should I? He said I would have to because he was coming out of downtown and was stuck in traffic - WS does not work downtown and would have no reason to go there, so I asked what he was doing downtown and he replied, "Oh, I just needed somewhere different to walk around and think." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> I asked if he had gone to INS to renew his green card that expire on 9/9 and he said no. It just now occurred to me as I was typing his that he may have, actually, been seeing an attorney?????

Anyhoooo, picked son up from the sitter only to find that he was sufferring from an allergic reaction - huge welt-sized, beet red hives all over his body. Took him to the ER. Called WS on the way and several times while we were there. I had left for the ER w/o a bottle, food, diaper bag or money because I was in such a rush to get son to the ER. WS never returned my calls - he claims that his phone's battery ran out, but I think he did what he usual does, which is to just not answer or shut off phone when I am calling. Since WS never called, son got really cranky because he was hungry - the best I could muster w/o leaving the ER while we were in the process of being seen, was to feed him Cream Soda and Twinkies - real nice, huh? Got home at 8:30 and WS came in shortly afterwards, drunk as a skunk. Made a big production out of taking of his wedding ring and putting it on the counter. I asked him if he was trying to let me know that he had made a decision regarding cutting off contact with OW. He then said that if I wanted a decision, he would give me a decision. I told him that he was supposed to take 24 hours and if he needed that time, I was certainly not pressing him for an answer at that point. He said, no, that he was going to give me an answer - He can not cut off contact with OW. At that point it degenerated into yelling with my asking him to leave the house and come today while I was at work to get his things. He refused and just kept taunting me. I screamed at him to leave the house and, yes, literally stamped my feet like a 5 year old (I know, I know, BIG time LB's). When he refused to leave, I packed up 3 bottles, a sleep suit and diapers and left the house in my pajamas and went to a friend's. Stayed there until 6:30 this morning. When I got home WS was gone (neighbor/friend says he was still there at 1:00 when she went to bed). On the chair in our game room was a note that read:

BS

I will be back in this country on September 8. When I return, I hope that we can reach an amicable agreement regarding putting the rest of my things in storage.

WS

Checked the redial on the phone and the only person WS called after I left the house is OW. So, my friends, there it is - WS has gone to England to either be with OW. I am going to prevent him from having any contact with me, whatsoever, after I send a Plan B letter...Let's see what happens. Last time he went to England, he was stir crazy after 4 days because he missed his gadgets, toys, and other conveniences (including bars that stay open until 2:00 a.m.) Also, if he stays at WS's house, he will be living in an 1800 square foot flat with OW and her two early teenage daughers (both of whom OW says are in puberty <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ). My WS couldn't live in an 1800 sq. ft. apartment when he was single without going crazy - how, how, how does he think he is going put up with this???? I guess love will do that to you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> The other thing is, when he returns, he will not be allowed back in our house. He is wasting all of his money (which is actually about $2300 of our household money which was supposed to be used to make our house payment and credit card payments)to go to England for 2 weeks - wouldn't you think he would be using that money to get an apt., furniture and utilities - Oops, there I go thinking again!

I have an appointment with an attorney on 9/17. I will decide from there whether I will remain in Plan B or go to Plan D.

So much for now - off to have lunch with the Houston MB's.

Brit's Brat/BS-41
WS-43
DS-10 months
Status: Plan B/Plan D <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Hi BritBrat,

Your WH seems to want to force the issue&#8230; it's sad to see them heading for disaster, isn't it. Anyway - plan D or not is another question, but it sure looks like plan B for you now - at least until he gets sober, for your and your child's sanity and safety.

May I suggest
- You write him a nice plan B letter, basically telling him that you want to continue but only under 2 conditions a) he stops drinking b) he stops contacting OW. Please post your draft here - you'll get good feedback
- You call in a mover & dump all his things into storage & leave him the key to the storage somewhere. No need to see him just for that, or to give him reason to stay with you
- Upon his return, if he wants to see the child, arrange it through a third person. Best is to have him supervised during this period(s)

Good luck,
Nick

Brit,
I am so sorry it went to that level. I hope your son is doing better. I bet he comes home with a different attitude after seeing what it is like to be without you and your son for awhile. I think as long as the alcohol and OW are in the picture, plan B is the only hope.
Hope the lunch was great, wish I was there.
Keep us informed,
Hugs!
Layli

Hey BB,
Just to let you know that I've been thinking of you after our lunch, hope things went well in your meeting.
You know where to find me if you'd like to talk.
All the best!