AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I have been gathering information to file for a legal separation and I get an "anonymous" phone call today "LET THE MAN BE SO HE CAN BE WITH HIS WOMAN" It was refering to OW2 (She has had friends do this before) I know childish but that's what she does.

Now, just to get her, I feel like hanging on and not do anything, just to know that she's sqirming. It is obviously driving her crazy plus who knows what WH is saying to her .... maybe something like this "She won't give me a divorce, it's against her religion" We have NEVER talked DV or Legal Separation (not yet) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

The other side of me says to let it go, let him go (legally separate) and go on with my life. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Has anyone else been through this?

D.

WH and I are in recovery, sort of - see my post. But....when we were going back and forth every other day, I told him that I was going the file for D the following Monday. Then, after, I thought about it, I figured out that, since she is in another country, she cannot work here without a work permit. If WH and I were to D, he could bring her here on a fiance VISA and, then, marry her so that she can stay. If I didn't D him or took my good sweet time doing, it would be all the longer before she could come here and live with him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> When I told him that, he asked me (hold on to your hat): "What did I ever do to you to make you so bitter toward me?" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I know exactly where you're at!!!!!!

Brit's Brat/WS-41
WH-43
DS-10 months
Recovery??????

NO ... I have never been through anything like that!

BUT , if I were you ... I would change my phone number and make the new number unlisted.

Pepper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

BB-
Sorry for your situation - some recovery !

I know exactly where you're at!!!!!!
It's good to know that I am not alone in this .... but this stinks .....

I know what I need to do is to focus on me and the kids and do what is best for us. This hurts too much to live like this. I don't want WH the way he is now. OW i believe sees a sucessfull business man (WHAT SHE DOESN'T KNOW IS WE ARE CLOSE TO BANKRUPTCY) she sees that he has plenty of money (WELL HE'S AT THE END OF IT - CREDIT CARDS CHARGED TO THE MAX, BUSINESS DEBTS OUT THE WAZOO, WITH VERY LITTLE NEW BUSINESS TO REPAY AND SUPPORT 2 HOUSEHOLDS, A BUSINESS AND WHATEVER)
I think WH has been very good at "keeping up appearances" but it is all smoke and mirrors.

Pepperband -
It's my work number so I can't change it - too many customers and potential customers have the number <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Thanks for your replies,

D.

It is against my religion to get a "D".
But God grants divorce for being an unfaithful spouse... in other words... having an "A".
Guess what?
She is getting her "D".
In my State, if a person calls three times in one day and you have it on caller ID... it's called harrasment.
You may want to check out your local laws concerning this.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

I'd get a phone recorder or get the phone company to start keeping track or the calls or even just have caller ID and log the calls and what was said - if you can, have the answerng machine pick up.

This is harassment, and should be documented just in case it gets worse..... and maybe you will have to use it in court one day.

I'm sorry that you too have to deal with a crazy person/people, but when emotions get involved..........

Protect yourself and don't let it get to you - I know easier said than done - but they are the ones making fools out of themselves, not you.

K

I normally would give my piece about the subject of your spouse leaving you for someone else, but this sounds very close to home for me.

My wife was discontent and desided that our nieghbors could make her happy. At first I fought the whole issue, and could have been bitter or even angry. It wouldn't have stopped her from making a mistake. So I let her go, even helped pack.
I quess the whole of it is, you can only change things you want changed, not your spouse. Talk with them, and agree on something together.
I hope this helps

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by WillGetThruThis:
<strong>AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I have been gathering information to file for a legal separation and I get an "anonymous" phone call today "LET THE MAN BE SO HE CAN BE WITH HIS WOMAN" It was refering to OW2 (She has had friends do this before) I know childish but that's what she does.

Now, just to get her, I feel like hanging on and not do anything, just to know that she's sqirming. It is obviously driving her crazy plus who knows what WH is saying to her .... maybe something like this "She won't give me a divorce, it's against her religion" We have NEVER talked DV or Legal Separation (not yet) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

The other side of me says to let it go, let him go (legally separate) and go on with my life. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Has anyone else been through this?

D.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well Wgtt, does it count if the WS was in the background telling me to take the WS back and the Ws was at her house on the phone crying to come home?

More babble. When the OW used to call my house (whenever they had a big rowe), after I would get over the immediate anger, I learned to let the phone sit and make her wonder. Really made her nervous.

I learned that the OW grew in power the momment she felt she had control of ME. She already felt she knew how to pull the WS strings, zipper, whatever but when I removed myself from her power, it strengthened me and made her weak. Shriveled up like the wicked witch in the wizard of Oz.

So you are right to let the phone hang, record it even. Even if you can't use it as evidence whose to say that you can't make them think you can? I had mine ready to play back to the OW when she called again but she didn't. It took a long time for me to find the strength to stand up against the OW, but when I did, it was worth it.

JMHO,
L.

ORCHID,

Thanks again for your response. OW calls every few months, not all the time. I do have a recording device & will have to figure out how to use it! I am not mechanically inclined <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I learned that the OW grew in power the momment she felt she had control of ME. She already felt she knew how to pull the WS strings, zipper, whatever but when I removed myself from her power, it strengthened me and made her weak. Shriveled up like the wicked witch in the wizard of Oz.

I was already going to file for a legal separation & let WS know shortly. After OW2's call, I am conerned that she will think she has the power and that I filed because of her phone call. Any thoughts, ideas?

These boards are so helpful, as I can actually see this as a good thing in that WH is not telling her the truth, and that she is getting antsy and probably LB'g her A@# off.

I don't think (could be wrong) that he has any intention of getting a DV, I think he just tells her that I won't do "it" and that's his excuse. He has this fantasy that he is a good husband that he is sacrificing for his family and someday he'll be able to come home and live in our dream home. He just wants his cake and eat it too. Surprise !

Thanks Wallace
Stay Strong!
This is exactly what I need to hear.

God is in Control,

Protect yourself and don't let it get to you - I know easier said than done - but they are the ones making fools out of themselves, not you.

I know I need to protect myself and the kids but have felt almost paralyzed lately. There are some important steps that I need to take and find myself not doing them. Tonight I went to the best Alanon meeting that I have ever gone to. Afterwards, I asked another member to hold me accountable, that tomorrow I report to her the progress that I have made.

They do make fools of themselves and I know you too have been dealing with a lot lately. Thanks for your support.

fairbanksd,

you can only change things you want changed, not your spouse

That is so true. I think of the Serenity Prayer -
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change everyone else The courage to change the things I can only me and the wisdom to know the difference. Wisdom -
that's what I need !

So I let her go, even helped pack.

I stopped plan A and was doing a modified plan b and Steve Harley confirmed that direction. I have not pleaded or begged because I truly do not want him back as sick as he is. WH is involved with a lot of crap along with his A and is someone that I don't want to share my life with. Now if God changed him like he did Paul on the road to Emaus, then I might reconsider.

God Bless,

D.

Wgtt,

You got it. Just needed a nudge of support. Taking a look to see things as they are. Good!

Now let's help keep you there. The OW kept calling our home for 14 months after the WS came home the first time. Of course he subsequently went to jail, lived with her for 10 days and then came back home to stay actually 1 year ago. The contact went up to the last phone call from the OW this past June. So we have been techically OW free for 2 months. Not long but it sure feels good. I have my moments where I need reassurance and I am mastering the look and he starts checking his pants, his nose or hair to see if something is out of place. Then he asks me what is the matter in a caring way. Big improvement from the insane alien of last year.

The point to my story is that the OW will eventually get tired of it. How is your H with needing your needs? I put the onis on the WS to make me feel better, not me make him feel better. I already proved I had our family's interest at heart.

JMHO,
L.

Orchid,

I was already going to file for a legal separation & let WS know shortly. After OW2's call, I am conerned that she will think she has the power and that I filed because of her phone call. Any thoughts, ideas?

Any thoughts on this one?

Actually, I have tried to focus on me & not them.

How is your H with needing your needs?

WH has a lot to learn. A lot. He's not teachable in his present state (fog, double fog) I also don't know if he ever will be, but I 'll stay away until/if the real man emerges.

The point to my story is that the OW will eventually get tired of it.

I don't have that long. However, I do believe that OW2 will drive WH crazy with her immature acts. Plus I know that she won't meet half the needs that he's got. She wants his money and the fun party stuff.

Thanks again for your support.

God bless,

D.

<small>[ August 19, 2002, 11:17 PM: Message edited by: WillGetThruThis ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by WillGetThruThis:
<strong> I was already going to file for a legal separation & let WS know shortly. After OW2's call, I am conerned that she will think she has the power and that I filed because of her phone call. Any thoughts, ideas?

Any thoughts on this one?

D.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Then twist it. Let her think you have something on her and the legal work you need to get is a restraining order. Let her and the WS run their imaginations wild about what you might be up to. I took a walk through the family court here in our area. I consulted a lawyer, learned how to do the paperwork myself, got legal advice and had some help from someone else in the same profession. Talked to a few who did their own D and those that used a lawyer. I participated on a divorce site (can't remember the name) and it showed the options for each state. It was good. I did a US search on the OW. Used what I found the legal way. Didn't divulge all I knew about the OW until it was to my benefit or needed or due to other legal reasons. Made the WS and OW sweat about what my next step would be for a long time. Was nice to know that their conversations included them spending quite a bit of time trying to figure me out!!! LOL! That gave me strength. I now had the option to make them squirm and I did. OW got made and left several messages with the WS about how much my supposed actions were bothering her. I had not done anything but her over reactive imagination in her demented mind had me doing all sorts of stuff. None of it was true but it drove her bonkers.

Do I regret it? Nope. I basically used their A skills to my advantage. It gave me back the strength that they initially zapped from my soul. It gave me back my life.

JMHO,
L.

As I recall, the calls I rec'd from the OP (Other Pig)were about the same.

The reason you get a call is because you are a factor in their relationship and he is making you a factor.

If the OP felt secure, and only he can make her feel that way, the you factor would not exist.

I am not saying anything here about fog clearing or recovery or even sep/div. The you(W) factor can be used for any screwed up infidel purpose they so choose.

Maybe you can find some humor in someone so stupid and insecure. Why don't you ask her what's wrong between her and her man next time she calls.

BTW, I can't stand that "my man" stuff, it's so TOW board. I know I'm in big trouble for saying that too.

IS

InShock,

WOW, you've been here a long time ! Thanks for responding with something I could laugh about! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

the OP (Other Pig)

Thanks so much - this made me laugh. Basically it's true ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Maybe you can find some humor in someone so stupid and insecure

It's through these boards that I can do that <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> (after the inital rush of adrenalin that hits) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

BTW, I can't stand that "my man" stuff, it's so TOW board. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I can't stand that either but then again that's what OW2 is like. She is soooooo different than I am. I met her at my WH's Mom's funeral and I felt like I was looking into the eyes of Satan himself. She even asked what the fish pin was on my WH's lapel.

God Bless,

D.

<small>[ August 20, 2002, 01:23 PM: Message edited by: WillGetThruThis ]</small>