I don't know if it is because it is a Monday and rainy here, but I just have these negative thoughts today. For really the first time, I feel like just giving up on my WW. It has been over 3 months since DDay and almost 3 months since she moved out. Still no committment from her to work on marriage. Despite a good Plan A that I am performing and some signs of progress from wife, I have strong urge today to just give up and move on with my life.

I am tired of being in limbo. I asked her last night if she could at least tell me if she is moving towards moving back home and working on marriage. She said "Yes, you know that." No I didn't know that because she doesn't tell me that and doesn't give me any indication of this. Is this comment good news, or is she just continuing to play me.

I am tired of telling her that I love her, with response being "I know you do" not "I love you too".

Sorry about the rant. Just needed someplace to vent because I am starting to get fed up.

Hello 2510 -- I'm sure it doesn't always help, but I know EXACTLY how you are feeling. We've all been at that point where it seems like things aren't moving fast enough despite our best efforts. When they tell you that you will need a monumental amount of patience, they aren't kidding. If you had asked me at 3 months post d-day if I would still be able to do plan A at months 6 and 7 I would have had a hard time saying I could.

To put things in perspective....I believe in most cases, the wayward spouse either ends the A right away or the A continues for several months. You can keep doing plan A -- you've made it this far. Do you know if the A is still ongoing or if your WW is in withdrawal?

It is definitely not uncommon for either your WW to still be not ready to commit to your marriage nor for you to feeling this way. It is so hard.

When you hit these lows you really need to focus on you and not your WW. As hard as that is you need to go do something that you enjoy just for you. Some things I did/am doing a) bought tickets for concerts and asked friends, b) started exercising, c) went to visit my nieces and nephews - anything that made me feel good and took my mind off (at least temporarily) what WH was or wasn't doing. I often did not feel like doing these things, but once I went, I had fun. Several times when I was really consumed with it all I just went to the movies, any movie, by myself. This accomplished two things -- one, it got my mind of WH and two, I wasn't home when WH called and he always wondered where I was/who was I with. I always said I went to the movies (but never mentioned I was alone).

For the first time, I am feeling I want to start dating someone besides my wife. I love my wife very much and she is the one that I want to be with, but I have EN that have not been met for sometime and I am not getting them met from my WW. I know that I am a long ways from actually dating someone, but I have needs too. Unforunately, we live in such a small town, and it seems like everyone knows our situation, so I don't think I could ever do this, but sometimes I just feel like moving on. Just another vent.

I hear you.

When I often have those thoughts/feelings/desires I do what unsureheart said. Take a break, have some fun (just do it even if you don't want to.)

When this most traumatic experience of my life first happened, even when I was sitting in a movie theater I was thinking about my WW divorcing me and couldn't enjoy a good movie.

As time went on things got better, I have fun with friends, exercise, started an old hobby. Takes my mind off her, helps me be patient.

Remeber, actions affect feelings/emtions.

Also, lately when I think about this whole mess and why I should even bother continuing with Plan A and am considering Plan B, I remember this quote from this website:

"It's very important for you to leave her before you do or say things that will upset her. You will not be able to compete head-to-head with her lover indefinitely. YOUR TAKER WILL FINALLY CONVINCE YOU THAT YOUR HAPPINESS LIES ELESEWHERE. So leave while you still have the ability to express your care for her."

When I get the feelings you describe, I think to myself "oh it's that evil taker on my shoulder trying to stab the good giver on my other shoulder with his pitchfork!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />