Hi

I had an extremely stressful weekend finding out about OW#2. Feeling much better now.
WH has been facing a lot of misfortune this week. It's like the world is collapsing on him.

His business has been struggling for a while. Now the only worker resigned, plus other troubles at work. His health is going into pieces, according to MIL he hardly sleeps and is shaking and sweating at nights. Yesterday he got some sort of poisoning from a spiky palmtree. Stabbed his head! Today he messaged me I can go to my home country with our kids if that's what I want. That means to the other side of the world. I do appreciate this offer, but I am not rushing to go for it. I am also hurt, it felt rejected in a way, does he just want to get rid of us?When the heartbreak is not on his face, he's quiltfree?He can get on with his relationship with OW#2? The kids still need their dad, he hardly sees them at the moment, but that can change. I'll see what the situation is around Christmas.

FIL had been talking to H and told how much I do love H. FIL said it touched H. I am thankful for
FIL's support. Now FIL and MIL suggest I should offer some help H in his business. I have got a few spare hours every week. But...H having OW#2... I really don't know. Of course I would be happy to do it in different circumstances. Emotionally I would find it hard seeing H so often.
Just last Sunday H told me he wasn't coming back, and didn't have the same feelings for me. (Still after DDay#1 hasn't told me he doesn't love me) So I probably need to ask myself the pros and cons in this.

The pros would be: I could have a good chance to plan A, would show him I still care no matter what. OW#1 works very close and she would see me with H.(OW's worst fear was H going back to me) Then she would go even more psycho and that would make H think is it really worth risking having any OW!!!(they always start up as perfect ladies for him!!!) I don't think OW#2 would put up with it very well either, especially her knowing I still love H.

The cons would be: It would be emotionally hard. I would have to face H, who's in cloud nine thinking he's fallen in love again...!!H would have a sort of an having his cake and eating it too advantage.Him having an OW, I should be in plan B.

What do you think? Should I help him? Should I let him really crash on his own?
I am scared if I offer help, he'll answer no thanks, and then it would feel like one more rejection.

Thanks

Whoa~~~

The little hairs on the back of my neck stood up when I read this:

"Today he messaged me I can go to my home country with our kids if that's what I want. This means to the other side of the world." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Has your H ever contemplated ending his life?

The statement of his is a typical pre-suicidal housekeeping remark!

I don't know what to tell you ... except that my internal alarm rang as soon as I read that!

Why don't you go pay him a visit?

Pepper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Reading Pepper's post, it makes sense to check. Perhaps MIL/FIL might be asked to check?

I don't know all of your history or situation, but was going to say that you could approach him and see if he's willing to do something(s) for you if you help him? Could be an opening for NC with OW...? Thinking out loud.

I hope I didn't frighten you! When people start to think and feel "the world would be better off without me" ... this is sometimes a prelude to suicidal ideation (especially in MEN).

Call H up and say:

"I am calling to see how you're holding up. I thought you could use a friend about now. I just want you to know that the kids and I love you so much ... and we are comforted in knowing that YOU ARE HERE if we need you too."

Write down his response to this ... see if he feels you are better off with him in the world.... or not.

Pepper

Thanks Pepper and SC

I just dropped off OS at school. Was tempted to stop on the way back and see H at work.
I really don't know what to do. Decided to check here first.

This has happened before. When OW#1 came in to the picture, I was back at home. H was meant to travel after us, but got involved with OW instead. Called me telling it's over, and said I can just as well stay where I was. He basically was so wrapped up in his new life with OW. And then he could have just told everyone I left him.

He has talked about suicide twice, 8/00 and 11/01, both on low points and OW around.
Told me he couldn't do it because of the kids. He's got 5 kids, the oldest is 14.
All his children are very precious to him.

I'll visit him today at work, and see what's the situation. Looks like just have to take one thing at the time. No way a good time for major decisions.

I ended up not visiting H. I dropped off some boxes of stuff at his parents on the way. MIL had talked to H and seen him at work. H was fine, cheerful. No need for me to go, after hearing this.
I decided not to offer any help at his business. Came to a conclusion, it's not healthy for me.
He would have possibly said no anyway, so why bother. I think he has to sort his life on his own. Let the OW#2 hold him up and fill all his needs. I am not offering anything.
He has to finally understand I am not part of his life anymore, even if we have kids. H had told parents I am letting him down! Can't win, all these justifications like two years ago...goes on and on. Well I plan A'd my butt off from Jan until end of June. Helped him move out of his house, cooked and cleaned for family of 7 (his older kids live with him) And now he tells everyone I let him down. I feel worn out and used.

I started D proceedings last Friday, I was emotionally upset, I know, but I still don't regret it.
I knew I had had enough. The M was long gone. I don't know if anyone else has felt like this. Still not 100% sure of not wanting WS back, but sure D needs to happen. I love him and I'm Ding him, am I mad?
What choices have you got when someone says after 2 years of separation they are not coming back?