Havent posted in a while been plan A'ing to death W filed for D on 6/11/2002 and we have not spoken at all in months except through email, although we do see each other in church twice a week, she has agreed to finally speak to me but only with the condition that we discuss D and the settlement of the M which is set for court on 10/16/2002. I have praying for the last 8 months for the opportunity to speak with her and just when it seemed hopeless she agrees. I do have a problem with the fact that she is putting conditions on what is discussed, I want to try to let her know how much I love her and miss her, however she still appears to not have forgiven me and is determined to go through with the D, my question is do I give in and agree to talk to her with the condition that the end result is discussion of the D, and the ending of the M. I know that I have suffered the consequences of my bad decisions to have the A, and hurt her bad. Any suggestions would be helpful do I give in for the sake of being able to sit down and talk to her, because I just want to be close and talk to her? Help she is waiting for a response from me.

I don't see another option but to agree to meet. Regardless of the "rules" for the meeting, you will have the opportunity to "present you case" for rebuilding the M.

In my opinion, remorse, acceptance of your mistakes and the willingness to change are your best weapons. DO NOT plead or beg or break down; those will likely not work.

Looks like I will have to discuss D, which makes me sick every time I think about the fact that it will soon be over.

She has the leverage, not you. Don't fight that, work WITH that.

Remorse, regret, desire, hope...

You have every right to be doing this...I made a huge mistake, I hurt you in a way that no H should ever hurt his W...I realize that and if I could take it back I would...I probably don't deserve you...if you have it in your heart to try to forgive, I will do whatever it takes to rebuild our M, to make up for what I did...

Just rambling here, but I'd say you don't have too many choices at this point...

Thanks Spacecase you are a Godsend I was thinking about going about it similar to what you have suggested but I guess was not confident enough until I could get someone opinion who was going through something similar. I have read the Harley book Surviving An Affair, Tough Love by Dr. Dobson, so I feel I am ready for this, not sure though if I read or try to memorize, any suggestions, what about flowers? Not this time maybe, but when we meet again? I am going to try to be positive that the meeting will go ok, I must remember that she has the control, thanks for everything.