(the internet infidelity saga continues)

Of late, my husband has been playing online much less. In fact, if he is online, he has actually been playing with me. We have been doing other things.

However even the few times when he is online without me, everytime he types something I worry. Last night I asked him if he played on another server so he could be with OW. He told me no, that he had not spoken to her in over a month. I believe this might be true because I checked the website to see if a character was being played and hers had not been on that server. He then said Are we going to have a problem again? I said not if you don't make it one. (I meant not if he stops the online behavior). Then I dropped it. I just am not sure what else to do. I have been clear about how I feel about these relationships, I have been clear that they are inappropriate and that I cant live sharing him with online women. Problem is, that he is still so secretive at times. I also dont know if he is being truthful. In other areas, we get along great, spend alot of time together and have been sharing intimacy and talking about issues. It just seems that this is one issue he will not help to resolve. It may be that his behavior has stopped but yet if I ask for evidence, it is me starting a fight. I have been trying to come up with a non-lb way to suggest ways he could reassure me. Thing is, he doesnt think he needs to reassure me since he will not admit to breaking my trust. Still in his mind, what he did is harmless.

He is very good at making me feel guilty for asking questions. He has even been better at telling me what he is doing all the time so I dont worry. I explain using the I feel XXX when (whatever behavior is displayed). I have been open to discussing issues and have not been emotional even if it hurts.

As you suggested, I told him that one way he could prove to me that he isnt hiding anything is to give me all his passwords and not lock up his computer. He balked at that. He feels it is an invasion of his privacy. I said, well if you have a different suggestion, I would be willing to hear it. He didnt. Did you have to convincce your husband to allow you to do this, or did he volunteer?

My problem is, my husband does not take responsibility for breaking our trust. He thinks I am just being paranoid and that is what causes us to have arguments. When I bring up that I have reason not to trust him after what I read. He then says that I know how he feels about online people and that its all bull****. I do know that he treats online people with little respect. He does kinda throw them away when he gets what he wants. Given this, at times he has admitted that his relationship with Kit was wrong and inappropriate but he also feels that it is harmless for he has no plans to leave me for her. He has also said he will not stop his online friendships. I said, friends are okay, but what I read did not represent friendship. We go around and around on this. Even if his affair with Kit is over, I feel like given his attitude that hes not hurting anyone it leaves the field open for any other online woman to step back in.

One day we were playing and I told him how I deal with people who hit on me online. He says well if you have the best, why do the others? I said, well how do you feel about me? He says you are perfect for me, I love you and I would never leave you. I said, Yes, why use secondary substitutes when you have what you want at home.
It was after this conversation that he began playing less and less online. I get so many mixed messages from him. I don't think he sees any of his online activities as "soulmates" He sees it as just "harmless fun". I use opportunities I can to point out that this is not true. I have told him that in many cases online relationships do move on to real life affairs. He knows this is true but he feels that he is invulnerable to that because he loves his wife, more than that actually likes his wife and wants to spend time with her. I'm stumped. At times, it seems like he understands and modifies his behavior, at others, he seems to "rebel" and accuse me of trying to put him in a box where I control everything he does. Im not trying to control him, I am trying to resolve this issue so that we both agree on the solution.