I have been d. since June 6th and still I feel like I am married to my xh. All of the problems that made our marriage horrible are continuing. I have tried no contact and that's ok until he uses it against the kids. I have tried to be friends, but now we're soulmates and he wants to work everything out. Problem with that is that I don't even love him anymore, there has been too much difficulty and I just don't see a happy future. I don't even have any faith that love even exists anymore and he wants to reconcile with me and it just kills me.

Do you have feeling for your H? Do you still love him? If so you both might have a chance, or at least you can say you try your absolute best. My W and I are still working on Plan A, but it has been hard. I was set on leaving her, but I really could not live with myself not know I tried to make this work. Have you and your eXH filled out the questionair and have you both seek professional help? Even though your D you might be able to savage something, at least your friendship. Give it a shot, you have nothing to lose.

Good Luck!

AV

I tried to be at least nice to the EX but it only turn around and bite me in the butt. I try to keep as much distance between me and her as much as possible. The straw that broke the camel's back happen a couple of months ago. I had gone to her place to pick up my girls. I rang up to tell them I was there.She said that they were not ready and if I would like to come up and wait for them. As soon as I walked through the door she tried to smooze up to me. I told her no that I belong to someone else now.She does this every time she breaks up with someone.To make a long story short she later called the cops and told them I had broke into her apartment and tried to sexually molest her. If it wasn't for my daughters I would have been in alot of dodo. GF was not pleased, so I don't even go into the building anymore to ring up. I just call them on my cell and they are ready and we leave. For me no contact works best. If you don't love him anymore than move on with your life. Dont worry about what he might or might not do cause he is going to do what ever anyways. If he uses it agianst the kids than he is a small man isn't he and besides he is only going to screw things up between the kids and him in the end anyways and he will have only himself to blame in the end. Keep me posted and good luck

231

I tried to be at least nice to the EX but it only turn around and bite me in the butt. I try to keep as much distance between me and her as much as possible. The straw that broke the camel's back happen a couple of months ago. I had gone to her place to pick up my girls. I rang up to tell them I was there.She said that they were not ready and if I would like to come up and wait for them. As soon as I walked through the door she tried to smooze up to me. I told her no that I belong to someone else now.She does this every time she breaks up with someone.To make a long story short she later called the cops and told them I had broke into her apartment and tried to sexually molest her. If it wasn't for my daughters I would have been in alot of dodo. GF was not pleased, so I don't even go into the building anymore to ring up. I just call them on my cell and they are ready and we leave. For me no contact works best. If you don't love him anymore than move on with your life. Dont worry about what he might or might not do cause he is going to do what ever anyways. If he uses it agianst the kids than he is a small man isn't he and besides he is only going to screw things up between the kids and him in the end anyways and he will have only himself to blame in the end. Keep me posted and good luck

231

sorry for the double post the computer hic up on me

231

<small>[ August 21, 2002, 10:44 AM: Message edited by: 231 ]</small>

I don't love him any longer, but I try to help him. He gets drunk every night and cries about what I have done to him and how I have everything now because I didn't give the children to him. I offered to take classes with him to help him from school, I offered to be friends and do things together to see how things would work, but in the end I always feel like I'm trying to save him. I just can't be in love with him anymore because he just has no positive outlook on life, everything is negative and I hate that this is what my children see. I just want to know what to do to help my os, he is only 4. My other son is only 6 mo. and doesn't know his dad.

O.K. girl I hear you but the question you are beating around the bush on is DO I WANT TO MOVE ON AND IF YES THEN HOW?If you tried and tried and you feel there is no future here then move on. I know you are trying to help him but he is using you as a crutch and when you don't catch him when he falls then you end up being the bad guy. There is an old saying "GOD HELPS THOSE WHO HELP THEMSELFS" What does your heart say and what does your brain feels is the right course of action.It wasn't a hard decission for me but for you it maybe but some choices in life are the most hardest to do.

231

Actually I feel really good about being friends. I have told him I do not feel good about a relationship and it bothers him. I have met some new "friends" since I started back to college and I guess I'm just trying to get him to meet new people too. There is no future, but I have been helping him for so long that it's hard not to, kind of like being addicted I guess. I am spending time with other people and it really helps.

Rainefall;
Well if you can make it work all the more power to ya. I know of people in your position that made it work. Looking at your thread I see that you are only 25 and I'm not knocking that but I'm 41 and see more and done more.Most of my freinds are either divorced or in some cases have passed on. You maybe right that it will work out for you in the end but like my GF who was in a similar situation as you her first priority is her kids and herself. She got lucky and so did I when we found each other and WE've looked after each other ever since but she is trying the same as you trying to be freinds and it is turning out badly for her. She has to relay on him to look after the kids in summer and all she gets is chain yanking. If he decides not to she screwed and he knows it so don't get yourself in that position.

231

<small>[ August 22, 2002, 04:34 AM: Message edited by: 231 ]</small>