I have been with my husband for 7 years married for three. In the very begining of our relationship there was an addiction problem on his end that I toiled and sacrificed and stood strong through...shortly after he joined the military, I was there through it all and he asked me to marry him our parents didn't agree so we did it on our own the same day that he had to go to his first duty station across the country. I stayed faithful and true while he left so I could get my degree. Almost a year pasted and I went to live with my husband for the first time (being married) he was different and mean going out all the time leaving me alone and then I found out he had an affair...needless to say I was devistated....he cried and we began going to church and for a while after I decided to stay things were fine but he started going out again to clubs and drinking....I started to turn to a friend at work for comfort I had nowhere else to go thousands of miles from my family I had an affair one night I told my husband about it a few months later when I saw a change in him I cut it off completely then right before he had to go on another 6 month deployment I revieved a paper in the mail stating that he may be the father of this completely other woman's child I was enraged and felt like i was going to die once again he cried and explained that it was a one night thing and he couldn't tell me and that he did it when he first got to his duty station..the next day he left on his deployment and wrote me and called me all the time, I decided as his wife to get him a lawyer and told him that this was it one more thing and I would be out the door....he was out there during Sept 11th and actually on the ground in Afghanistan I wrote him everyday sent him care packages and sent pictures took care of his daughter and made sure all the bills and lawyer activity was taken care of needless to say I wanted things to work. I worked and went to the gym everyday never going out never leaving the phone in case I could hear his voice...finally the day came where I could pick him up and we would be together all the time we were moving to a new place for a fresh start and I was excited and so happy. All the promises were so sincere and if anyone has been in love on here you know that feeling thatyou get in your heart. When we got our new place and settled the market was bad for my fields endless interviews caused me to stress but he was comforting and we did everything together fishing shopping walks and cooking everything we did we did as a team.....2 1/2 months into our bliss I found an email on his account from a girl I asked him who she was and he blew it off like it was just an email thing then he came down stairs where I was sleeping and told me that it was a girl he met overseas right befor he came home he said that they never did anything but when I talked to her the story was completely different yet identical to what the other two girls told me he was like. I left him and for the first 3 weeks (of the 4) I felt right and strong using my anger to keep my emotions under cover and start using my head and realizing that I didn't need him and I could do better. He claims to have started to going to counseling and calls me upset and lonely and apologetic...in the past two days he has gotten to me again and I have been crying every since. I see all these articles about why people cheat and that you shouldn't give up on a marriage no matter what...I am terrified of starting over and letting go of the only man who has had my heart for the past 7 years I am young people tell me and they say that I will find a man who treats me right....when in my head I know they are right my heart tells me that I still have hopes of my husband being the one to treat me right. I am not a fool though I have been fooled over and over I just hope to connect with others who have been through this.....I want so much to have a beautiful realtionship with a man that I see as having so much potential but I just don't know that my heart can take another beating.....PLEASE HELP

Wow... It seems as though you would not be able to trust him again. Is he still in the military?

Earth,
Ia'm soooooo sorry to hear this, I know and feel your heart breaking. Ido know one thing, and that is once the trust is broken in a marrige it is allmost in possible to regain it back. or at least it is for me. it seems like i a'm supious of everthing he does. Are u going to any sort of counceling? if not i a'm sure they can help u at least deal with what is happening. sorry i was not much help. but if u would like to chat somethime here is my e-mail address cathy_home@hotmail.com

Thank you for all your responses....In the dark _45 I amin one state and he is in another and we are both seeing counselors seperately.....it has been hard to trust him since the begining when I found out the first time.....always nagging and always wondering even when he was home. One thing people always told me is that if you want it to work you have to let go of the past....I did that twice just to find out that it happened again...now it is even harder because I see big changes in him but I will never know if it is just a ploy to get me back so I have is my prayers, my work and my family. I know it is crazy and normal women would have been gone a long time ago never dealing with what I dealt with but in my heart I still hope for a reconciliation.....it is hard to let go of a man who had your heart for so long I will let time tell I guess.

Thanks and you can email me too natclay12hm@hotmail.com