Ok, DH just sent me another e-mail. Oh, it was so good to hear from him.

Anyhow, he writes: "I just got back from lunch with the sales rep. It was pretty cool."

So, I am starting to freak. Does he really mean "I" or was it him with his dad and the other guy from his work. Plus, was this sales rep a woman or guy. Is he trying to make me think?

I e-mail him back: "Is this Sales Rep the [guy] running the class? How is it you [guys] end up having lunch with the sales rep? Funny." I tried to stay light hearted and sort of present it like - out of all the people there how is it you guys had lunch with him. Plus I threw in a couple of key words to try to find out if it was just him and if the sales rep is a guy or woman.

I am a bit stressed right now. I know he would never cheat on me, but could he be trying to make me squirm a little? Keep cool! Keep cool!

Ok, any words to help me along would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.

P.S. He also wrote that he hope everything will be fine when he gets home. I responded that I don't see things any other way than fine - except maybe fabulous. Then I reassured him that I love him, miss him, and will not hurt him again.

OK stay calm you are looking for things to go wrong he called you princess - he loves you - you two have worked so hard to make this right... Relax - if he was cheating which he isn't he would never have told you that he went out to lunch with the person... Do not worry relax - You know in your heart everything is ok..... Breathe and thinking about he wonderful homecoming you will have when he gets home - You are his princess and no one can take your place - remember that.... Good Luck

Thanks Maw, I almost cried. It's just the anxiety of it is getting the best of me. I know he is not cheating on me, but the thought of him having lunch with another woman drives me insane. Could he just be testing me? Testing to see if I'm going to freak or be cool and not read into nothing?

Deep breaths, deep breaths - Oh damn anxiety, go away!

Thank you again Maw, for responding. It did help, and it made me feel good. You are right, I just wish I could control my anxiety better. You're a gem.

AAAHHH! He blew past the cues!!! He replied with a simple miss you and love you lots. That's great; it's wonderful; I should feel fabulous and happy; but, why can't he just reassure me. Ok, calm down - maybe Tutter was more fitting (crazy blue mouse from Bear in the Big Blue House). Anyhow, I'm going to try to just let this be, but part of me wants to inquire at some point just so to put myself at ease. Is that wrong? Thank you all for reading and helping.

Hi Princess,

You're doing great... your H is doing great... Don't let your imagination get the best of you! I can tell you that if I were going to "cheat" on my wife, I definitely wouldn NOT e-mail her and tell her that I had lunch with another woman... I wouldn't even say anything about having lunch...

If you really feel the need to ask him if he had lunch with a woman, then I think you should just ask him.

I know that I would feel flattered if my wife asked me... it would show me that she cared about our M and that she was willing to be open and honest with me about her feelings.... And isn't that what both of you are striving for in your "new" marriage?

Semper Fi,
RIF90

Thanks RIF. I think I will try to find a nice way to ask about it tonight when we talk. Kind of, so who was this sales rep guy? Where's he from (if it's not the instructor)? Glad you enjoyed it and had the chance to get away from dad and other co-worker. These should come across as innocent and get some sort of justification as to my questions in my mind - i.e. was it a guy or woman and were you with dad and other co-worker too?

Thanks for the reply. I too don't believe he is cheating in any way, just think he may be testing me a little. One of his chief complaints is how I react to certain things (fly off the handle so to speak). I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I have anxiety problems sometimes and that I just don't know how to handle things at times. I'm going to do my very best.

Thank you both for replying. It helps so much to have a place to go and cool down and start to be rationale again. Thank you so much for caring.

Semper Fi

Prin - have a beer and calm down.

WAT

RIF is right princess, if he were cheating he most likely wouldn't have mentioned it at all. Relax. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> If you do feel the need to ask him about it is to much, do it politely and calmly with NO acusations. That would only cause him to get defensive and perhaps bring up what seems to be an unhappy moment in the past. It seems you two are on the road to recovery. I envy you, my WW and I have a long way to go. If you feel comfortable about it, my situation is much like yours (i am BH) and I would like to chat a bit to see what helped you and your H get to where you are now. Good luck Princess!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Princess,

You and I both know that he wouldn't say anything if he was trying to hide something. The fact that he was filling you in on the details of his lunch was his way of trying to involve you in his life while you two are so far apart.

Instead of the "STINKIN THINKIN" that you are doing, why don't you try and come up with something special that you can suprise him with at his homecoming. This way you can be constuctive, productive, and worry free while he is away. Maybe it could be a special dinner, or some flowers and balloons waiting with candles on the table......

Just a thought....

Princess,

You and I both know that he wouldn't say anything if he was trying to hide something. The fact that he was filling you in on the details of his lunch was his way of trying to involve you in his life while you two are so far apart.

Instead of the "STINKIN THINKIN" that you are doing, why don't you try and come up with something special that you can suprise him with at his homecoming. This way you can be constuctive, productive, and worry free while he is away. Maybe it could be a special dinner, or some flowers and balloons waiting with candles on the table......

Just a thought....

WAT, Madley & Kily - Thank you for your replies.

I'm not a real beer fan, but maybe some wine to calm with tonight.

Madley - As I said, I may have to bring it up to ease myself (politely of course). Yes, I would love to chat some time and offer what I can. I don't have internet at home, so maybe tomorrow we can start a thread.

Kily - I never thought of it that way. Including me in his life while apart. Thanks for putting a new twist on it for me.

You are all so wonderful. Thank you for helping me. I'm going home for the day (actually Lasania at mom's house - homemade), but I will be back tomorrow. I will update everyone then. Thanks again to everyone. I truly appreciate it.

Well, last night went pretty good. Had dinner at my moms. When son and I got home he started being rather difficult. I finally got him to talk to me about what was bothering him. He started to cry because daddy wasn't home. I got him to calm a little, and then offered him a popsicle which worked. Shortly after all that daddy called for the goodnight. We talked about our days a little. I asked him what about lunch and if the sales rep was the instructor. He said no, he's the guy who sold us the software. "He's" "Guy" - yeah, no need to ask questions. So I continued on and asked what he was like etc. Uneventful, no LBs and I got my mind put at ease. I also learned in the conversation that it was him, his dad, and the other guy from work. Today they are supposed to go lunch with the instructor.

He left for dinner and I watched our wedding video. It made me cry and feel awful for what I have done to our marriage. I was hating myself some last night. DH called at about midnight. I was in serious tears. I had tried to reach him and couldn't and I missed him so. He consoled me and talked me through my tears and anxiety. He told me how he misses me and how he hates being there and can't wait to get home. He said, now if I can just get home safe. I stared to cry again and said you have to get home safe I need you! He talked me calm again. I then changed the subject and asked about his class, what it was like, etc. I asked what the instructor was like and he started to give a description. I said, I mean personality. He said, oh, he's pretty cool. "He's" - another guy lunch, YEAH. Then he went on to tell me that there is only one woman in the class. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Gotta love him!

So, later in the conversation I made a joking comment - don't go run off with some spanish girl, come home to your Cleveland girl. He said, don't worry I will. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> We had a great conversation. I talked to him for a short few this morning, mostly so DS could say hi before we left for school and work. I miss him so much.

Thank you all for helping to keep me calm yesterday. It's a rough week for me. DH seems to be doing well with the being apart w/ regard to A issues. I ask him how he is doing a couple of times through the day. He seems to really be doing ok. I think the hardest part is just being apart. However, it may do our rebuilding a world of good actually. Thank you all for being so wonderful.

Hey Princess,

Glad to hear that everything worked out for you...

You and your H seem to be taking this separation well... hopefully it isn't for 6-7 months like mine was when I went to Kosovo last year.

Keep up the great work!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Semper Fi,
RIF90

Oh, that would suck tremendously! Actually, I handled it better when he was in the military. I think I was more used to it. Plus, not only did we not have a child then, but I was still living at my moms. Sure, it was hard, but we talked regularly and wrote when he was in Norway. I still took the leaving very hard.

Anyhow, fortunately this trip is half over. He will be home 11PM tomorrow evening. I can't wait. DS and I are picking him up at the airport.

There are I can think of 2 main reasons this separation is so hard: 1) in the last 6 yrs. this is only the second time we are apart overnight. The first was only a few days too, but I had a hard time then, enven though it was tail end of A, that was not yet in the open. 2) We are rebuilding and the M is so real and beautiful that every second apart is another second we are not together. If that makes any sense. I would just rather continur our progress strong without any tests. However, I think this is a good test. It's bringing out a lot, and I think it may help my husband see how much he really means to me, and it may help us into a new era of our rebuilding. It hurts like hell being apart, but I think it just may help us too.

Thanks for sharing with me RIF. Semper Fi, all the way!

Hey princess - I am so glad things are going your way - that damn anxiety will get you everytime - but you shouldn't let your mind run. You two are doing great and have been through many ups and downs and have decided that your marriage is what you both want. So ease up on yourself everything is going to be fine and enjoy what you two recovered and make your marriage better than it has ever been. I love a success story... Unfortunately for some of us it goes the other way - but someday I hope to happy again... Good Luck to you both and have a great homecoming !!!

MAW - Thank you! I just can't help but think of what I put in jeopardy. I can't help but thing of that time in our marriage that is lost and we will never get back. I look at the video and see that it was never supposed to be this way. I hate how I left him alone at times to go out. I hate how I made him feel unloved. It hurts so much.

We are doing good, especially with this trip. Success, yeah, I guess we are. I wish that everyone could be at this point sometime. Better than ever - yes it will be, and forever too. I just have to learn to let go of what I cannot get back. That's a hard one. Anyhow, I am concentrating on today and tomorrow (so to speak - now and future). I know our love is strong and our R and M is a beautiful thing.

Thanks for checking in on me and sharing this with me. This place has been such a life line many times. You are all so wonderful.