Honey,

I was at the best Alanon meeting last night. It was a book study group and the book was "In all our Affairs Making Crisis work for you." (No the Affairs part is not A's) This book is awesome. I had to convince them to let me borrow it (they had none for sale) so I'll have to bring it back to the next meeting.

The sharing was real and deep in this meeting. I kept thinking Honey should be here! Well, the offer still stands if you ever get to Destin ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I go to see an attorney tomorrow to work out some details for a legal separation. It's scary but I'm just taking one step at a time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Stay strong Honey, you will make it no matter what.

Yep, thats one of my FAV Al-Anon books!

Hi. Just wondering if you would post the exact title and author of the book you recommended so I can find it somewhere. Thanks!

The name of the book is

... In all our affairs Making Crisis work for you

It's put out by Alanon Family Groups. I got a used version on Amazon (another source is half.com) or can get one from Alanon.

There is another book that this one referenced The dilema of the Alcoholic marriage

I dont have this one yet, but my sponsor said it was very good.

Hope this helps

God Bless,

D.

Thanks, been to 2 12 step mtings this week... and church and sunday school so far, and church again tonight for supper and adult study and kids study... agh... I need more nice people in my life, and that is helpikng , esp helps me make it through the nights as that is when I am very tempted to make contact .. also get tempted at work, when I want him to come meet me for lunch- well, I need to realize he just doesnt care... he has no money and according to me it is all my fault. So OK, you figure it out ws, I figure out my issues, you yours, and that includes a willingness to work on this marriage..

ok, vent vent.

Yes, I have the book, I have almost all the books except the new one.. in fact recently I bought 2 books that are the same by accident.. one being How alanon works. I go to a book study on that on mon. nites, it has childcare, so that is awesome.

My sun nite cosa mting has childcare.

see my h finds happiness in sf, alcohol and drugs... he is an unhappy camper without those 3 elements.

I am the nag alanon wife.

anyway, still feeling low, wish I knew the meeting topic - maybe it could cheer me up.. what did you read in the book that was so wonderful. I have read it several times , but need to dig it out. what is it that got you feeling positive, I need it! Tired of being down.

prob need my antid's again... money issues etc. really getting to me.

thanks, Honey

(((((((HONEY))))))))

It is hard to raise kids, work, take care of yourself, go to meetings, deal with the effects of a WH especially one who .....

see my h finds happiness in sf, alcohol and drugs... he is an unhappy camper without those 3 elements.

Mine too.

I am the nag alanon wife.

Change that to " I am the alanon wife "

anyway, still feeling low, wish I knew the meeting topic - maybe it could cheer me up.. what did you read in the book that was so wonderful. I have read it several times , but need to dig it out. what is it that got you feeling positive, I need it! Tired of being down. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

What was so wonderful was the group talking about the book. We just read the preface and a few short parts of the book. It was great to share about the issues brought up in the book. They were stories about how people handled thier problems, and used the crises in thier lives to grow and become better people. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I went to my first Alanon meeting 15 years ago when my WH had his first (fling, alcohol, drug, midlife crisis, A, went crazy) whatever you want to call it. I didn't stay cuz I didn't really get the program & what or who it was for.

Then the next time my WH did the same thing 3 years later, I didn't know what to do, so I denied it until I couldn't anymore and did an intervention and he went to rehab. Thought that would be the end of it. WRONG. He did it again.

Thank God this time I found MB. There is a lot that I get from these boards but I went back to alanon because of BrableRose. Not cuz she told me to (she did) but because I respected what she had to say and she had something I wanted. She had peace, self respect, clear boundaries, and program for living her life. I didn't have that. I tried to change my WH for years. I kept hoping (wishing, deluding myself, praying, etc. )that he would get better. Guess what - I went to alanon this time for me. For me to get better, to get over the thoughts that maybe this time ..... if only he would ... He should ...... you know the same lines and more.

Honey, do you want to end up like me? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I haven't really lived my life waiting for my wh to "get it" He may NEVER get it. But I want to live my life, experience happiness, joy, contentment, not matter what happens to HIM.

All of this is your choice, I 'll get off my soapbox now. My prayers are with you and your family.

prob need my antid's again... money issues etc. really getting to me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I too can relate - thinking of filing bankruptcy. I take a natural supplement " HAPPY CAMPER" that works great. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

God Bless,

D.

<small>[ August 21, 2002, 08:24 PM: Message edited by: WillGetThruThis ]</small>

Hi, just came from a wondeful... let me repeat WONDERFUL group of parents at my church.. we are doing a parenting of teens thing on wed. nites... I love it. I will be back, had dinner at church and it was awesome too.

I loved it, feel very good much like I do after those 12 step meetings... I think the depression is lifitng and that I am going to be OK without sf drugs and alcohol addictions in my life.. it is unacceptable and it was driving me nuts to live with it.

Anyway, thanks for your support , will prob. pull out that book tonite and take a look.. there are several on my bedstand... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hugs to u, thanks to u for thinking of me... doing better tonite.

HONEY <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Honey,

I was editing my post as you were responding to my post.

HONEY,

gOOD mORNING !

d.

Just wanted to thank you for posting the name of the book!

hi and thanks for the hello, will get through this... I like your name by the way <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I am a bit sad.. it is strange as I back off ws starts to tell me he loves me and etc. he is no where near recovery of alcoholism... and my many more meetings this week helped me to see this. hugs to you, honey

Hi Honey,

it is strange as I back off ws starts to tell me he loves me and etc. he is no where near recovery of alcoholism..

and my many more meetings this week helped me to see this

They seem to reach out if they feel they might loose you, yet probably do it out of thier own fears rather than wanting a healthy R.

I too made lots of meetings this week. Went to a Friday noon Alanon meeting that was awesome (again.) This group is soooo caring, so sharing and just what I needed. I have opened up to them and them to me. It feels really good.

Also, I have just about finished the book in all our affairs, making crisis work for you and have found some good insite.

I just heard a great story from a friend. He is a sober member of AA & has been for many years. He and his wx are getting remarried now after 13 years. The look in his eyes was heartwarming. He's learned and grown and so has she & they are both more realistic about what it takes to make a M work.

All of this really hurts, and lately have burst into tears like in the beginning, but am seeing my H in a new light. And that is a good thing. I can still really love him, and him not be good for me right now. That me separating myself from him is about doing what is best for me, not trying to manipulate him or get him to react or change. He may never get sober. I ask myself, if I knew that right now, how would I react? Would I keep expecting different results when he does the same things?

This morning at a meeting, I met a couple from New Orleans that were just what I needed and she said the same thing. Her parents had DV when she was 15-16 which is my daughters age. We were both able to share and gain isite from the others perspective. She had been in alanon for a number of years.

Honey, stay strong, you can do it. (what ever "it" is) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

like your name by the way

I tried to pick a name that would help me not decribe how I was really feeling. There are many times I find myself saying that during the day.

God Bless,

D,