Orchid,
Hi, thank u for responding back. i had a snoop software in my computer but diden't see nothing that really told me he was cheating on me. i had it in about 2 months but had to take it out due to my computer kept freezing up on me, i have a older computer and it kept saying there was not enough memory to run this program. or it said i was very low in resourses. when i first put it in the snoop software went to my outlook express and my msn hotmail which i was not aware of it going into my outlook express untill later when i was checking my mail there. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> it said ty for using the big brother. now i a'm afride my h saw that in my outlook express but not sure. as u know as well as i know he sure would not say nothing to me he would just be carefull of what he did on the computer. That is why i think maybe i never saw nothing in the snoop that showed he was doing nothing wrong. except for the porn he was looking at. HARD CORE. i did see that in the snoop oh and 1 outher thing i think i allready told u. that was this. all it said did u have a wonderfull weekend! now as i said before come on u know as well as i know u don't ask a man a question like that. and that was when he left over night to go to a gocart race but i saw this about 2 weeks later in the snoop. As far as the lies yes they are still coming, or at least i think they are about the porn. and probably more lies that i a'm not aware of. maybe i don't want to admit they are still coming i have a lot of insecure with in my self. i have alot of heath problems and i do have places to go now but no money again <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> and just can't have my family help me by buying my meds while i live with them. and i can not work now. my meds cost me over 400.00 a month. maybe that is why i stay and put up with the crap, that i hate. My dad is retired and does not bring in very much so there would be no way he could buy my meds even if hewanted to. and my uncle is working but does not make much at all. so as i said i feel like i a'm stuck between a rock and a hard place and will never get out. and it don't do any good to talk to my h b/c he just keeps saying that is not true or i haven't lied to u. so what is a person to do???????

Well Cathy,

You are on meds for a reason. Don't push yourself past your current state. In fact you should be doing whatever it takes to make yourself heal. Not more meds, better focus and progress.

Realize this:
1. You can NOT force your H to be good. You can force yourself to do what is good.

2. Right now, you can not even 'teach' your H how to be good. You can teach yourself or allow yourself to learn from others.

Based on the above, the meds will help you help yourself but you must learn to let the WS go. If it means plan B then so be it. Plan B is not a write-off on the marriage. It is a removal of yourself from all the pain and suffering you are being bombarded with. Plan B allows you to detach yourself from the A. Helps you stop enabling the A (for those needy WS') and helps you heal.

Whether the WS gets better or not is immaterial to plan B. Plan B is not for his healing it is for you. Plan B has put some Ws' out on the street, made them go bankrupt, live with the OW, end up sick, end up in the hospital, end up in jail, etc. Plan B has also taken a lot of the daily stress of the A away from the BS, gave the BS and family a hope for the future, allowed the BS to see that life is NOT a loss, opened new windows of opportunity for the family, even moving and starting a new life and career.

So what do you think of plan B now? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

L.