no my STBX & I are not getting back together but in some discussions about many things the following statement was made to me, this statement was in reply to something I said to him last wk. Before I get to that a little/a lot of background.

MY STBX once made the statement to me "YOU use to be pretty, you use to be smart, you were someone who could talk about anything, you were interesting." According to him I did nothing for all the yrs I was a SAHM. I shut down, etc. all statements made to me about why he had A. It was my fault, I drove him to it, etc.

Today in an email I get the following "while I had problems with you, most of the problem were iternal with me. ....You are the strong one, if I had been as strong as you, we wouldn't be in this mess>"

It was what tryied to tell him for 2 ys before he left to live with OW; he has been living with her for over a yr. The WS may not come back but they will eventually see the light.

<small>[ August 21, 2002, 01:20 PM: Message edited by: sing ]</small>

OK Sing you give me hope - after everything that I have been through and the blame has been put on me - I really am hoping one day my husband will come out of his fog and tell me the truth about everything that has happened - and that he made the biggest mistake of his life. He had it all and threw it away for nothing - what a single life??? Lonliness??? Good luck to you...

wow <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks for sharing, sing. It is amazing, isn't it? I have heard a few gems like that myself since my XH broke up with OW.

You are a strong one, and he's crazy for giving you up. Hopefully he'll really realize that.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

sing---

Isn't there an old saying something like "too smart, too late"?

Appears to apply here.

E

<small>[ August 21, 2002, 01:44 PM: Message edited by: Elad ]</small>

oops double post...

<small>[ August 21, 2002, 01:46 PM: Message edited by: Elad ]</small>

Wow sing - I know it must feel good to hear that. Perhaps this will help your future interactions regarding your sons. Try not to rub his nose in it and maybe he'll open up more. I hope to someday hear similar words......................

Dave

Sing; I imagine it's a bittersweet "victory" for you to hear that. But encouraging nonetheless.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Then did you email back

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> YOU LOSE <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

E

sing,

Sweet words to hear I am sure, just too late!!!

I am so there with you, right now!!! Am glad to know that the fog does lift at some point!!!

Have you replied back yet? What do you want to reply back with?

Got to go!!

DAwn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by justthewife:
<strong> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Then did you email back

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> YOU LOSE <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

E</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Now why am I not surprised that E would say the above?!?!? LOL!!

Well Sing, his memory banks have not been wiped out. He may never recover the most precious person in his life that helped him create his 2 boys but he will have the memory. How he chooses to work with that piece of info is up to him and how you choose to acknowledge it is up to you but at least I know you will be happy to see him regain his sanity.

I remember when my WS was trying to recall our happier times (after I had been told we had none), I was so angry (more like very sarcastic) or just plain hurt, I told him.....'naw we didn't have those happy times, you just imagined them, you told me I did when I told you about them..... remember the OW is your soulmate, you have a lot in common with her so you need NOT to remember those real happy times because they never happened.'

I recall he looked real puzzled and hurt. He walked away and said 'you don't remember?' I said, not if you don't. I was on the edge and ready to cry so I left him standing there by himself and went off to cry in my room. He came after me and held me. We both cried together. I told him it was time he go to the OW because she would get mad if she knew he was hugging such an ugly, short and hateful person. Awh...... he said, she's a liar. With that he left.

I felt some relief. Saw some sanity which I later told him I appreciated. Inside I was also quite gleeful that he called her a liar because that is what she really was/is. But it came from his lips not mine.

Good Job Sing. You are my hero.

L.

maw64 I'm glad it gives you hope. I hope you don't have to wait as long as I did.

Faith1, they are nice to hear aren't they. Now your X & mine STBX should know one thing GRITShave backbones of steel. Guess mine missed those lessons as he spent his 1st yrs in MI, but his parents were from the south.

Dave & Elad, remembering back to spring of 2001 who would ever thought I hear those words. Dave, we do interact very well about the boys. He backs me pretty much in dealing with strongwilled OS.

SC, bittersweat but honey to my ears.

Dawn, I replied back but very bland. There was a lot more but it dealt more with our religious believes, I bascially told him if certain things happen I help if he wanted. Do I think our marriage still might be saved at this late date, no. He really really really have to want it & then I don't know if I could go there again.

E, I didn't do it but I sure wanted to send [i]I TOLD YOU SO[i/] about a trillion times. But I kept the LB fairie in her cage & hid the key.

Orchid, me your hero, I am wordless. You are one of mine.

I meant to reply to your thread last week when you first wrote it... but got busy with other things (I'm so scatterbrained at times... this month is one of those times! LOL).

Sing... wow!! I'm truly amazed to see that your H admitted to some fog. I hope you have found even more peace now that he's said those words to you... basically, that it's not all your fault.

I also wanted to take this time to let you in on something that I don't think I ever have. You are one of MY heroines sweetie!!! When I first came here to MB, it was YOUR story that I was most familiar with. I was reading everything you had to share, and was thinking of you when your H came home for those few days/weeks, and worried about you when you moved back to the U.S. (b/c you KNEW that it would signify the end of your M).

I was afraid to post to you back then, even just to give a little encouragement. I'm not sure why. I think it was b/c you had SO MANY wonderful people helping you out step by step (like Sheryl and WAT).

I just wanted to tell you (FINALLY!!!) that I admire your strength and resilience through all of this A stuff. And the fact that you've been around to help me out in my trying times amazes me all the more.

So, thanks for being such a great person sing. I'm glad that your xH stepped out of the fog a little to credit you for it too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Karen

p.s. I'll also never forget how you posted to me on the first anniversary of Andrew's passing (Sept. 11, 2001). That's means more to me than just about any other post I've ever had on here. That and the fact that you ate some chocolate cake on October 25th!! (Andrew's birthday).

Sing,

Bittersweet is right. How that must have made you feel.....
I'm glad that he was big enough to say it to you, though.

Sing,
The words your posts brings to my mind are "if only". If only your H had not blamed you, had realized it was his internal problems, maybe the outcome wouldn't have been different, but perhaps it wouldn't have hurt you so badly.

You are strong. And now he recognizes it. To ever be your partner again, he would have to be equally strong, or at least working on it. You would recognize it if you saw it.

Thanks for posting this.