that in your wedding cerimony, at least mine was worded this way, when you exchange the rings you say to eachother:

"Take this ring as a symbol of my love and FIDELITY!"

Wow was that a hit upside the head. I watched my wedding video last night, missing DH while away on his trip, and I cried my eyes out when I heard those words. He has been so wonderful, and I tarnished our very vows.

Anyhow, just wanted to share that with all of you. I don't know how, but I will make those vows mean the world to us both again. Actually, we have discussed renewing them - I asked him if he would and he said absolutley. Thanks for sharing.

Hi Princess,

Sadly that's one of the first things that "hit" me when I first found out... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I know that your DH is blessed by all of your hard work and that he's proud of you, too... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Semper Fi,
RIF90

Princess,

I am having a hard time not calling you Tutter. I sort of liked it for its originality. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
I keep thinking of the Princess and the Pea. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> May have to start calling you Pea.

Let me say this to you. I think it would be neat for you two to renew your vows. But perhaps wait abit, for the 5 year, 10 year, or even 20 year mark. I do think you will make all of those marks and more.

What I would like you to recall that you are still very young. What I mean by that is that you will have many opportunities to prove yourself to your H. When you have children, it will be hard to pay much attention to him, but do that. When one of you is ill, it will be hard but stick with it. When you get older and are tired it will be hard to give and receive love as easily, but if you can remember your wedding vows then and stay in love with your H do it.

My point? Many things will happen to you and your H during your life, so good and some bad, and the least bad of them is getting old together. You will have alot of time to prove your worth as a W and a lover. Don't try to fix it all at once. Relax and enjoy this time together. Yes be aware of what has happened, and talk with your H.

But, take it from someone over 30 years older than you. If you continue to love your H,and you continue to take care of him, and enjoy life with him, you will have more than made up for your mistakes early in this marriage. There was many more things you promised in your wedding in addition to fidelity and most people have a hard time living up to all of them.

So go easy on yourself and settle in for the long run. I think you will have one. And if it is filled with good love, good loving <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> , good family, and healthy children, you will be blessed and have brought blessing to many people. Keep things in perspective Princess, your heart, your remorse, and your focus is in the right place. Keep up the good work.

God Bless,

JL

Princess/Tutter (Putter??)

Renewing your vows is great, but vows are only words. Actions, like what you and your H are doing and working on, are far more important. My W and I renewed our vows on our 20th anniversary, 4 years ago in Hawaii. I didn't know it at the time, but she was in full-on EA at the time and before it went PA. So, in retrospect, the renewal for us was meaningless. I'm still somewhat bitter about the whole thing, because from my standpoint it was one of the most magical weeks we ever had as a couple, and now the memory of it will be tarnished forever.

You guys are young and have a lot of work ahead of you yet. When the time is right for renewal, you'll know, and it will be more special when you can look back to see where you were and how far you've come.

One more thing...relax! You're remorseful, your H is forgiving...don't sweat the little stuff, OK? Take care.

Princess Tutter?

I think of it in these kind of terms, my parents, and 5 sets of aunts & uncles have all been married at least 53 years. What's a couple bad years out of decades? I'm sure each one of those couples has had their challenges. I suspect infidelity for one set. But, whatever, they have stayed together for half a century through their committments.

Even in my marriage of 19 years, what's 2 bad years? Just a small fraction of the total, really. We've already passed through 2 years of recovery to make up for it... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .

what does that little "m" in parenthesis mean in the subject line?

Thank you all for your replies and sharing this with me. I was overwhelmed with the kindness offered here. Heck I almost cried - maybe I'm just emotional today.

Anyhow, thank you for sharing my thoughts with me and for sharing your thoughts as well. I think this trip has been a stepping stone for us to venture onto the next level of rebuilding. It feels great. You are all so wonderful, thank you!

P.S. The (m) stands for "message".