Hello everyone, I have been lurking for 1.5 years but never posted until now. MB has been very helpful to me in my pursuit of a restored and happy marriage. My WS is very irresponsible and for much of our years together I have enabled him to continue this behavior in our marriage. My husband has exhibited angry behavior for as long as I have known him, but it has gotten worse, so has the gambling and the other behaviors characteristic of those involved in an A. I grew up in an alcoholic family and are a typical co-dependent.

My husband dislikes discipline/authority/hates to be confronted. He has left our home several times when confronted or when he didn't get his way. Of course not knowing any better, I would beg, plead and encourage him to work things out. I didn't know how to set healthy boundaries. It is so humiliating when the your family and friends witness this mess. He becomes a tyrant and I become a victim in the eyes of many (not his family). Of course my husband would lead himself and others that I am the one at fault. He is the only perfect person.

My il's (female) allow him to come and live with them rather than encourage him to be a man and handle his business. Of course they are also partners with him in his gambling activities. My husband (family to) are in a stage of desperation (close to loosing houses, apartments, cars, owe loan sharks, juice men, have pay day loans and owe family). Misery loves company. Not my company.

I have always made more money than my husband, and I am grateful to God that I am able to maintain our home, take care of my son, etc. My husband is jealous because I make more money than he does and I am educated. I do have a support petition in place now (2nd time/stopped it when we reconciled in Sep 01).

When I confront my husband about his A, he denies it. The first time he said they were just friends.

When we reconciled we didn't really have a plan for recovery, nor did we go to counseling. The honeymoon stage was great but it didn't last long before the disrespectful behavior resumed (anger, gambling, Suspected A. and irresponsibility).

Because I withdrawed money out of a joint account (money he owed me). While at our home (I was at the park with son and nephew), he left a voice mail threatening to physically harm me and destroy things in our home (mostly talk/but you never know). I called the police and they met me there. (He didn' destroy anything/took a few things). I let the police listen to a message and filed a report. I go to court soon to seek an order of protection. [B][/B]

The OP also filed an order of protection in June. She mentioned stuff like that my husband was stalking her. That her relationship has been verbally, mentally, and physically abusive. That she told him she needed time to herself. They have a two year order of protection in place. I requested to review the file and paid for a detailed copy of this report.

Although when I confronted WS about this when I discovered the court document in his car in June, he gave a different version of what I later found out in the detailed report.

Now, I am in plan B (no official letter this time/no contact). I feel like I have said it all and done it all. I am depending on God to continue the change he has begun in me, so that I will be able to set healthier boundaries for my life, marriage and my son, while trusting God for the results.

My husband is now civil when he calls. I keep the conversation brief and usually give the phone to my son. I still love him but my love has changed. I repented for the sin of idolizing and enabling him and giving him a place in my life that he should never have had. Thank you for reading.

May God give you all strength to suffer righteously in your ministry of marriage. This too shall pass.

God Bless you all,

Wisdom Rules

1. W-BS-40. H-WS-41.
2. Married 9.9 yrs. Known each other 24 yrs
3. 1-S-4
4. H put out 7/00 (physical/verbal abuse).
5. Back 9/00.
6. Left 10/00 (suspect affair)
5. D-day #1 03/03/01
6. Reconciled 9/01 (had no plan for recovery)
7. D-day #2 7/09/02
8. OP-34-Single. 1-S-19. Raising Neice-12
9. H-anger/gambling (met OP on Casino boat)
10. Verbal abuse (mostly), Physical abuse (some)

I let the peace of God rule in my heart and I refuse to worry about anything. (Colosians 3:15)