Well, here I am with an update, not a very positive one as far as the M goes. WW is still fence sitting, some days she is hell-bent on continuing down the path she has chosen, other days she acts as if we are still married. Nothing I do or say seems to sway her one way or the other. She continues her friendship with OM and has no qualms about it, doesn't even try and hide it from me or the kids anymore, just waves it out there for everyone to see. WW is even attempting to talk to OMW and convince her that our kids and her kids should be able to be friends again. Things were going pretty good a while back, but now I wonder if I was really seeing things through hopeful eyes.

WW's latest thing is that she knows we can never work things out because of all the anger, hatred and rage I am suppressing because of the A. She says it is very apparent how close I am to completely losing it and can see me stewing over this whole mess every time she sees me. She also claims that she has so much anger and hatred towards me because of things I have done in the past that she doesn't think she can ever move past it. And, because she has been hurt by so many men (including OM), she doesn't think she can ever love again. Whatever. A couple of days ago she spent 15 min re-telling our M history and pointing out all the mistakes I made and how she had to fix them all by herself and how miserable she has been for the last 14 years (the fog seems to be back and thick as ever) I honestly think she has completely justified the A in her mind as being ok and that she didn't do anything wrong.

The other night, WW called me and as we were talking, I asked if she thought that since the A is over, I should forgive and forget. She said yes, that me, the kids, my family, her family, OM's family should all forgive them and forget the whole thing happened since now they are only friends. My reply was that with this attitude, I should be able to go out and have as many ONS as I want, since once they are over, she should forgive and forget (she has accused me of this very thing many times when I was in the service since it was so rampant). She said that with her, it doesn't work that way. Hypocrisy! I told her that to me, it is so sad she wont even try and make a commitment to work on the M. She asked why and I told her that if we tried and things don't work out, OM will always take you back, but if we don't try, I will walk away and never look back, and from what I see, OM will take you back but will never make a 100% commitment to you like I have and you will end up alone.

Financially, things are in shambles for both of us. WW and I have talked about me moving back home strictly for financial reasons, which is fine with me. The $800+ I spend every month on rent could be used for better things, like the kids or paying off some bills. WW has sold all her stock, used up all her savings and is now thinking of having a garage sale (which she wants me to do) to try and get some extra money. She is looking for a job but right now the market is really tight so she isn't having any luck.

I have gotten to the point where I have no feelings whatsoever towards WW, nothing positive or negative, just plain uncaring. The other day I was thinking about if I ever did get involved with another woman, what kind of qualities would she have, and quite frankly, WW has very few of them. I have to admit that she isn't the emotional basket case she was a while back, but she sure isn't someone I hold a lot of respect for either.

Bad as it sounds, I am actually doing very well. I have accepted my fate and am pressing forward. I am no longer controlled by what has happened and have dealt with my feelings about this whole situation. In a way, I feel that I have finally closed this chapter of my life and am moving on. Saturday was my b-day and absolutely nothing from WW, this coming Monday is supposed to be our 14th anniversary, but I am not expecting anything nor am I going to say anything about it, I'll spend the evening doing something for myself.

Guess I'll just have to see where things go from here. At this point, almost all hope for a recovery is gone for me. I hate this feeling of being alone, I would so much like to experience that special feeling only 2 people in love can share, but for now, it doesn't look like it is going to happen. Much as I would like to get involved in another committed relationship, I wont out of respect for my kids. They have been through way to much and I wont bring another woman into their lives until I know they have effectively dealt with the current situation I will be moving back into the house and staying in the guest room, hopefully only for a few months until I can get myself out of this financial dilemma. While I am there, I can almost guarantee that I will stay as far away from her as possible. WW says she doesn't understand why we cant just be room-mates now, says she could be comfortable living like that until the kids grow-up. WW just doesn't get it, so very sad.

hang in there, i really believe it has to get worse before it gets better, maybe yours is starting to get better. What do you mean, i wouldn't believe your story, you should live in my town. WOW WE HAVE THEM (INCLUDING MINE LOL)

IN EVERYTHING GIVE THANKS

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

LHS; Plan B?

They say the opposite of love is not hate, it is apathy.

You said:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I have no feelings whatsoever towards WW, nothing positive or negative, just plain uncaring. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are feeling apathetic towards your WW.

I am no expert, but it sounds very much like Plan B time to me.

Good luck!

ST

<small>[ August 22, 2002, 02:20 PM: Message edited by: Sad Tiger ]</small>

B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B

Better yet, you move back in, compel her to leave, then Plan B.

Hi LHS,
Your WW sounds just like my OW! Julie wants the kids to be friends again and "bond" (they are together right now on a "family bonding vacation" yuck)! It is sad that she doesn't get it and my heart breaks for you. I agree with the other posters, I think it is time for Plan B. I think of you often and want you to know that you are your family are in my prayers!

BH

<small>[ August 22, 2002, 02:47 PM: Message edited by: brokenhearted ]</small>

Yes, Plan B, I have thought long and hard about this, but not sure if it can be done right now, or if it would have an effect on anything. And even if I did, I'm not sure I'd be doing for the right reasons.

When I move back home, how can I do a good Plan B if we are going to be in daily contact with each other? Do I just go to Plan B now and see what happens, and if nothing, still move back in? Or, do I wait until I have been in the house for a while and then Plan B. Has anyone been in this kind of scenario, able to Plan B while still living under the same roof as the WS? To me, it just doesn't seem like it can be done effectively.

Regardless, I know one thing that I am going to do with some of the money I save on rent/utilities: try and have a monthly counseling session with the Harleys!

lhs - IMHO, Plan B cannot be entered unless a physical separation exists. Can't be done under the same roof. Period. It's hard enough doing it with young children AND being separated.

Regardless of Plan B, I recommend you move home. If you remember, I recommended you NOT move out to begin with. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

The hard part will be getting her to leave. Of course, there's an alternative in getting her into counseling but that may be just as hard.

I hope you seriously consider moving back home. Just the financial reasons are reasons enough. She cannot stop you. I'd tell her your intentions and if she protests tell her that if she can't live with you, she can leave. Then just do it and see what happens. What have you got to lose, other than your sanity? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

If you can maintain your sanity, then I see no reason why you shouldn't move back. But remember that your children might be affected if you decide to move out once more because of her lunacy.

BH-

Thanks for thinking of me, I too think of you often and pray that things go well for you and your kids.

Yes, that really is disgusting, isn't it. WW rationalizes it that since they are no longer physically involved, everyone should forgive and forget, that since they were friends before, they can be friends after. They just don't get it, but thats fine, I'm a firm believer that we all have to reap the seeds we sow at sometime in our lives. I've asked WW many times why she continues down this path with OM knowing darn well the pain it is inflicting on both families, her response is 1) she has a right to be happy too 2) she isn't emotionally ready to break it off or 3) no one has a right to be involved in her personal life anyway, so why is everyone so upset- WHATEVER!

Back to the Plan B question: I sure would appreciate some input on this from anyone who has been in this situation, basically Plan B while living in the same house, can it be done and what special precautions need to be taken? Remember that the only reason I moved out was because WW filed a RO on the grounds that I was planning on killing her.

Besides the financial reason, I also feel compelled to move back in to help my kids out. S is having a hard time in school and all of them need to have better quality time with me. Right now, the only time we spend together is when I have all 4 of them in my little apt, cant really consider that quality time at all. I know WW cant give them what they need right now. And besides, having me back in the house may put me in a better position if a D does get filed. I will just need to be sure that I have some firm boundaries in place and don't allow myself to be taken advantage of, which I know WW will attempt to do.

YOU move in your home ... WIFE moves to the basement where she wanted you to sleep!

Pepper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Ooops - I forgot about the RO.

If that's no longer an issue, move back in pronto.

If you resist, I bet Pepper will join me to "help" you.

Dave