or is it just the slow painful disintegration of a relationship damaged by infidelity and neither of us know it yet? regardless of how many books we read, how many counseling sessions, how many long discussions that seem to lead somewhere, we inevitably end up back at each others throats, tearing any progress apart and ending up where we started over a year ago. i just don't know how much more i can take. and i'm the one who cheated. neither of us have been perfect in our five year relationship and i certainly have my valid complaints, but if its truly worse for the betrayed than the betrayer then i have no idea how or why she would continue like this. our health suffers, we can't work well, other important things get shoved aside just to deal with this constant state of turmoil. at some point, someone just has to call it quits. its no longer about what happended before or after, or who is at fault. its about having some kind of sane life with a direction. when do you finally say "enough is enough"?

Unfortunately fights are part of a relationship, even ones that are not touched by infidelity. Try to remember that two steps forward, one back is still progress.

I know how you feel, as many times in a heated fight I felt like all of our progress had been lost. It's not so. Try to concentrate on communicating without yelling. Try to remember to listen, I mean really listen. Also, here are some links to parts of my past year, they may help you see you are not alone and there is hope.

My Story First Told
Sharing Info.
Two Steps Forward, One Back

Unfortunately fights are part of a relationship, even ones that are not touched by infidelity. Try to remember that two steps forward, one back is still progress.

I know how you feel, as many times in a heated fight I felt like all of our progress had been lost. It's not so. Try to concentrate on communicating without yelling. Try to remember to listen, I mean really listen. Also, here are some links to parts of my past year, they may help you see you are not alone and there is hope.

My Story First Told
Sharing Info.
Two Steps Forward, One Back
A Down Point
Parade With Rain
A Look At Progress
1 Year

You have to ask yoursel if you really want this. If the answer is yes, then there really is no giving up. I don't know how long your affair lasted, but it takes just as long if not longer to rebuild. Be patient, and remember to ALLOW it to happen. If you try to rush and push it tends to take longer.

I hope this helps. My best to you, take care.