My WH has made the committment to end the affair and moved our family to another city. He continually appologizes for the affair and makes every effort to make things right with us. I love him but the thing that is hard for me is that I constantly wonder if there is communication through emails or telephone calls while he is at work. He is a wonderful man and is very attentive to my needs. At times I do so well, then I hear a song or read something that really knocks me for a loop and I hurt all over again. I know I just need to get off my pity pot and work with him. We have a wonderful family of 6 children and we've always had a wonderful marriage (I thought)16 years. He always said so too but now I double question everything he says.

Can we really put this all behind us and have a secure future? Someone please help.

Wanttobelieve,

It will take you around 12-18 months to recover from this, so just be patient. Everything you feel is absolutely normal, you are not being overly insecure, but reacting rationally to a grievous betrayal. You should NOT trust him now. You would be crazy to trust an untrustworthy person. He has to PROVE himself to you before you can trust again.

One thing that probably saved my marriage was putting spy software on my hubby's computer. That way I could independently verify that he was being truthful to me and wasn't contacting other women. This reassured me immeasurably because I knew that his word was not reliable. But seeing it with my own eyes helped me trust and live him again.

So anyway, just hang in there and get ready for a long rocky road. With me, I would build up anger for several weeks, talk it out AGAIN, then relax for a while. And then the cycle would start over again. This went on for about a year and now I feel completely restored. I no longer worry about him but I still check his computer from time to time. I will never ever blindly trust anyone again.