This is the first time I've ever posted anything on any website...although I've vistited them often.

A brief summary of where I am at...my H left a high paying position last November under some weird circumstances - nothing to do with OW. He and I enjoyed several months together - home alone while the kids were at school (we have 3; 17,9,8). In May he took on a temp. position in another state which we agreed would be difficult but not impossible and would greatly increase his ability to find a position. He left 5/25 and we cried in our driveway as he left. He returned home for two weeks in June...that's when it all started with OW - but I had no clue. When he returned to the other state - she had gone as part of the "team" also and was then with him. He dropped several hints and when I would confront him he always made up a convenient excuse...but I still trusted him then. On July 14 I found an email that said it all. He could no longer deny it and came home that Friday to spend the weekend here. He promised that there would be no more between the two of them and said that she was kind of crazy anyway. He had to return to the other state for another 3 weeks to finish out the business there. Over that three weeks his moods were so up and down...one minute he'd tell me he loved me and the next I was a "pain" and calling him too much. I did call a lot because I wondered where he was!I do believe that they continued to see each other - he denies it though.

Now he's home after this position...seems angry and self absorbed in his "feelings" - i don't feel he's addressed properly just what this has done to me or our children. He claims that he wants to stay with our family and work things out - so far we have attended three MC sessions - our therapist is on vacation for another week so we've been left "unattended" awhile. He gets angry when I try and talk about some of my issues and instantly turns it into how I'm hurting him because he's at rock bottom "dealing with his own personal demons". I think now that he's back in "reality" with his family he is missing what she brought to his life - although it was just a fantasy life. When will he snap out of missing her and get with the program? He refuses to touch me or be affectionate with me.....

I also wonder if I'm being set up for a divorce...I have taken many precautions to protect myself and the children - most of which he is unaware. He keeps insisting that he wants to see me happy again...doing the things I always used to do with my friends..although I've told him that I'm not ready for that yet..does my happiness somehow help him in a legal battle to show I've "recovered" from the affair?

I want desperately to believe that he wants our family...I just am in a state of confusion and would like to hear what someone else would do or what they think.

Hello just wanted to say hi and that I hope all works out. You seem to be in the right direction Im glad to hear you are thinking of your children. I am a woman who cheated please dont hate me i am a nice person and it happened long ago when my husband wants't the most attentive husband, but I have always taken the resposibility of taking that horrible step. You my dear are the one who has been wronged. Yes it takes circumstances and two, but he made the choice the final decision to cheat was his. I personally think you should be holding the cards, not necesarilly to abuse him for what he did, but he doesn't seen to act like your pain is more important. Every person goes through hard times and they are no excuse to do what he did. He should set all things aside for your marriage. Please dont think of me as a hypocrite, I may have made a mistake, but I have sought forgiveness and never repeated the crime, and I also have not lost all sense of morals, Ive never said or thought what I did was the right thing. I will always have the pain of hurting my loved one. You will be in my prayers and stay strong, say a prayer for me too. Also hun I dont know your husband personally and if he is truelly regretfull i apoligize Take care.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by State of Confusion:
<strong>Now he's home after this position...seems angry and self absorbed in his "feelings" - i don't feel he's addressed properly just what this has done to me or our children. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">SoC,

Ease up on the relationship talk. Yes, he's self-absorbed and probably depressed. He's fogged in. Affairs are like a drug; this is his withdrawl.

If you haven't already, read all the stuff under the concepts, Q&A, articles, etc. And get the book Surviving an Affair. His Needs, Her Needs, wouldn't hurt, either.

If the affair is really over, Plan A until it hurts, and then Plan A some more. I hear that eventually they do come in out of the fog.

Not that I would know that from personal experience yet. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Thanks to you both for your kind and supportive words. I'm very happy to let you know that last night he emerged from the "fog"...he had contact with OW and because of the kind of person she is (very manipulating and cruel) she turned on him and is now threatening him in ways he never dreamed. He came to me last night and begged forgiveness - realizing that his family was the most loving and supportive people he could ever hope for. He asked for my support in dealing with what she had thrown at him and for the first time in months he was honest and open with me.

I'll keep you posted and thanks again for your support!