My husband and I have been married for 12 years. 2 years ago he began to completely withdraw to the point of where he would only kiss me on the forehead or cheek. this lasted a few months. I wasn't able to say anything because he would jump down my throat and I didn't want to fight in front of the kids. In November H said he had a business meeting with his boss and wouldn't be home until about 9p.m.(this was his birthday). When I asked why on his birthday he said it was an important meeting and there was no other time to do it so he had to go. My daughter asked him why he didn't want to be home with his family and he said he couldn't help it. 2 days later he came home and said he canceled the meeting and would be home but seemed distant. I then confronted him about an affair and he got angry and said absolutely not. Within the past 10 months we have argued and alot of lies he was telling me came out. Prior to this I found he was surfing porn sites and he said it was no big deal. He said he had fantasies about a woman he worked for. Part of the fantasy(sexual) was she was telling hn to leave me and stay with her. He mentioned other fantasies too. He admitted to being a sex addict and has started 12 step. There have been so many lies I'm not sure how far it really went. I know I should forget about it but he has away of trying to control, also passive agressive. I need to know the truth to heal. He said he has given me the truth but he has said that alot and more things came out. I'm the type that needs to know. Truth will hurt but it will also heal. Lies will only destroy! Where do I go from here?

Hi,
I know how u must be feeling on the lies your H has told u. My H has lied to me soooooooo much, i can't belive him any more. My H also looks at porn but the very hard core porn. and iknow this b/c i see it in my snoop software i have in my computer. not sure really what to tell u as i a'm at this very moment trying to deal with it to. But i can u u some advice everyone has given me in here.1 u can't change him no matter what u do. 2 u have to try and not let this get to u, i know oh how hard it is so hard. 3 read read all u can that is on this sit. 4 come in and VENT when ever need to, that helps alot. 5 reply to outher post that are in here to try and get your mind off of what is happening. oh and Orchid that comes in here is very wise in reply's to people's post. I hope this helps some. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> not to good at this when my mind is messed up as well.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> but i do try. and if u would like to chat sometime here is my e-mail address maybe we can help each outher. we seem to have alot in common with our H some what. cathy_home@hotmail.com

I am so new to all of this that I am sure I am not one to advise anyone of anything. But I do hear both of you and your pain. I thought that my position was awful and my H isn't involved in porn and hasn't put me through years of this (just months...ha..ha <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> ) I have learned that everyone has their own limits, and when you reach them, I think that you will know. I used to say that I would be gone in a second if my husband cheated on me. The truth is that I can take more from him than I ever though possible. But what has helped me is writing in journals and really looking at who I am and who I want to be. I am determined to put all of my effort into my marriage, but at the same time, I won't settle for less than what I know I deserve.
I don't know how to offer you any help, but just know that you really are not alone:). Good luck and God Bless