I am on my second marriage, got married in April, and am beginning to think this was a major mistake.
I am 47 with two teenage girls, he is 51. I have a professional job and earn a good income; he's never settled in any type of work for more than a year or two.
He was out of work when I met him; but his work was seasonal and he expected it to be heavy during the summer. I lent him money to keep him on his feet, bought a new motor for his van, bought him a motorcycle (now he was living with me and not paying for rent, he could afford to make the motorcycle payments.)
Now I've lent him thousands of dollars. He was laid off in July, got a delivery job in August, expects to start getting paid in September. He has promised he will start paying me regularly then. In the meantime I'm giving him money to meet his car payments and gas bills and insurance...almost $3000 this month already.
I married him because he was sweet and affectionate and a good companion.
I am livid about this money situation. Assuming that he does in fact start paying me, I don't know whether I can get over the serious resentment I'm feeling towards him. He's brought down my and my kids' standard of living. I have to pay for braces and college soon and he's just a leech on my finances.
Any suggestions?

Sunshine;
This is not an unworkable situation but you are married to him and lets face it doesn't matter who pays the bill or how much each of you make it all comes out of the same pot. Yes you may need to suggest a job that is not seasonal and yes he has to pay his fair share, but thats what life and marriage is all about, the good and the bad. We both work but I make twice what she does and now with plans for a marriage I try to help her make ends meet and she makes sure I have enough to live on. Right now money is tight(read my post on the subject) but we are working together. She even has cut way back on some things she does just to weather the storm.

231

It's hard when you add someone new to the family and our whole standard of living goes down -- but his goes way up. He's dragging everyone else down financially. And he has a history of this; he owed his mother $18,000 because she'd been helping support him (on a retirement income) before I came along.
So, what do I do if I can't afford him? I understand about marriage and commitment and all that, but do we lose our home because of him? How much should my kids have to suffer because I'm helping him out? If I got laid off, there's no way he would or could reciprocate. It's not just a question of we're all family and we're all pulling together; I feel like I'm doing all the pulling and I really resent it.
If he would, for example, pack his lunch instead of insisting that he has to buy all his food out, it would help. This is why I'm giving him $300 a week for gas and food (so he can work). Then it's $1200 for a new motor for his van and $245 for electrical work for the van and $1500 to cover his van payments and his bookkeeper and his other expenses and $350 for his insurance and who knows what else and the motorcycle payment ($212.98)(I bought the motorcycle for him; I'm carrying the loan) and motorcycle registration. I have to borrow all this money at credit card rates to keep him going because I don't have it.
I would feel better if he were doing extra work around the house -- mowing the lawn, going to the dump, going to the grocery store, whatever, but he's changing a few lightbulbs, sleeping sometimes 12 or more hours at a time, watching TV, riding his motorcycle. but I'm carrying all the finances and all the work at home and all the care of the kids (his contribution is to complain that they make too much noise. They don't like him or respect him.)
How do we achieve balance here? I don't want to make him go away, but I don't know how to fix this. He says when he starts getting money, he'll give me $100 a week to cover the motorcycle payment and the credit card debt that I've run up for him. Last time he was earning money, I got nothing, because he said he was catching up. If I see money, it'll help, but I'll believe it when I see it.
I don't have an issue with earning more money than my husband. I don't have a problem with paying all the household expenses and groceries. I just need him to take care of his own personal expenses. I think if I continue to fund him, he will continue to take. I don't think he's like your wife.

Sell the bike. It's a luxury item. He'll be around more and be able to help you out around the house. What's more important; braces or bike? That extra $212 (not including insurance) could go to much better things.

I know this doesn't scratch the surface of your problems, but i really don't see how a bike is a necessity when your standard of living is going down.