Just a short question.
For the A to lose its exitement it needs to become public. I feel that if I do it it will be a large LB. Does anyone have any ideas?

<small>[ December 18, 2002, 04:48 PM: Message edited by: MurphySLaw ]</small>

Without knowing more about the situation its hard to say.
An affair definately wouldn't be as fun if made public. Is she still involved with him?

Who would you make it public TO?

An affair made public would set the standards for full confession and radical honesty. As far as getting the truth, don't hold your breath. My stbx didn't tell the truth of physical affair for 6 months after I found out about the affair and he said it was only a emotional affair. So the lies started way before I found about the affair, and lies continued during the affair, and the lies are still there after the affair.

Making it public to friends, or family, is radical honesty. You should beable to express your feelings, to your friends and family. I was told not to by my husband, and this was a big mistake. I was covering for his adultery, and lies. He threatened me if I told anyone. So I didn't. But the hurt got to my stomach, and I eventually had to tell, or go in for major surgery. Therefore, I was put on anti-dep. and counseling.

To hold this hurt in, is not good for the human body. Sure they (the wayward spouse) had their fun, and think they found their soulmate, but in reality they only lived in deceit, lies, and dishonesty to the whole family, and the kids. This was not a union of love, just infactuation and lies. You need to let whomever you want to know, know the truth. There is no reason to hold information back, that someone may beable to help you in many ways.

So if the wayward spouse has to face bodies that may look at them with hard eyes. So what, they deserve it. They didn't mind hurting you and the family with their lies and deceit.

Being honest is the most important thing in your life. I was not honest with my family and kids and friends. For protection of my husband cause he asked for it. It got to me, and caused illness. Is this person worth the illness that one could get? NO!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Is this person worthy of being know for the truth of his betrayal and sins <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> God wants the truth, and God knows the truth from the start. So let it be known of their sins and betrayal. Honesty is the network of human kindness.

While I agree with Cry2much about the WS not having to look hard into the eyes of family and fiends. I see no point in telling everyone just to see WS suffer. All I would like is to remove WS and OP from the comfort zone they are in now.
What is the best way to achieve this without causing too many LB,s and undoing Plan A?
WS is still seeing the OM and talks about him freely. I do not suffer from jealousy of OP - my relationship is with WS, so it doesn't really upset me. WS also admits she has made a mess of things and doesn't really know what to do now, especially with 2 children involved. I believe the problem is that after a barrage of LB,s she expected me to leave her in the house with the children. I have told her I still love her. WS says that she and OP can't understand this at all.

Murph,

I am one here who believes in taking the A public as the sizzle as a way of disappearing very quickly.

My WW also expected me not to be able to "handle it" and file for an immediate D. But those of us BS's know there is a whole other side of the story and we're not sure what we will do until we get caught in our WS's nightmare.

The A is fantasy for them - covert, mystery, suspense, heart throbbing all the make up of the trash that is at the grocery store check out counters. They live in a "floating bubble" and feel there is NOTHING that can touch them. Well, pull the pin out!!!

When I broke silence of the A to family and friends, yes there were large LB's occuring and I was called many many things along with being asked, "how could I do such a thing???" How could I do such a thing????????????????

"Public" sends a quick dose / chill of reality to the "fantasy couple." It forces them into the real world where there ARE humiliation, embarassment, arguments, etc. Needless to say, a great deal of "the public" shockingly (unfortunately silently) do NOT condone infidelity!

In MY experience, I really think it was the going public that aided in ending the A. Of course this could have backfired and I was prepared for the consequences, but ultimately, it did have the right outcome.

If I am not mistaken, I think Harley also advocates "queuing" family and friends.

I hope this helps in your decision...

MITT