New member needs input from other W's with H's who gamble and are not yet in recovery. H is highly-educated, 60, mild bi-polar (non-medicated), obese, hypertensive (medicated) and binge craps player (6-7 yrs.), workaholic prior to that. No close friends, no outside hobbies-- typical profile for gambler. M for 34 yrs.w/4 grown kids, 1 at home (H.S.) H is semi-retired and working at casino as dealer till Soc.Sec. kicks in (can't gamble there yet plenty of other venues nearby). I'm ready to throw in towel, going to alanon and gamanon for support. He has gone to private counseling (under duress), has been held 36 hrs. in psych. ward for evaluation via coroner/sheriff. We tried a failed family intervention to help seek treatment, Retrouvaille for us, and got him to a few GA meetings but amazingly, H. still in denial, binges and plays craps with secretly obtained credit cards after I cut up the last batch. Divorce lawyer says I've been through hell , predicts more suffering on the horizon and wants me to file, even though I have secured my assets the best I can, but in my heart I don't want to--we still provide for each other's EN during good times and besides, Catholic teachings dictate otherwise. Lost big past few weeks. Want him to give GA another shot and see a psychiatrist for starters but H in desperation stage, presently begging me for $1000 stake so can have one last fling and then says will use will power to stop because its "too stressful" to gamble. Not going there--heard that one before the last time he crashed and burned. Everyone says he must hit the bottom before he can admit he has a problem. What is the bottom for a stubborn old guy like this? He tried to move out several times but back after few hours. Have read all MB's, know it can work, but it appears that addictions and mental illness need attention first before marriage issues can be addressed. Any thoughts or ideas?

<small>[ August 24, 2002, 01:17 PM: Message edited by: Psalm 121 ]</small>

Psalm 121.

I really don't know what to add, it sounds as if you have tried everything available. The wife and I have the same story, except we are younger and (unfortunately) do not have kids. The only advice I can give you is to get H out of the casino. No job is more important than a family. I spent 7 years in that environment, the only thing I learned is that gambling is an addiction. It is the same as alcoholism, drugs, sex, porn or anything else you can think of. Your H working there is the same as an alcoholic working as a bartender, sooner or later he will slip. As for as "rock bottom" everyone is different. For me the bottom lasted a week. I had two cars reposed (Nissan Maxima & Mustang GT Coverable) filed for bankruptcy and my Wife left me. This also had a lot to do with why I am know a BS also, but we have forgiven the past and are happy again (how do you make a smiley face).

Do what you have to do to try to save your marriage. I understand that completely, but I'm sure you have realized this problem will devastate everyone involved. My communication skills need some help over the net, I hope I haven't upset you. If you would like email me at Yimies@aol.com. Good luck, I hope your H realizes what he is doing.

Christian

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