Has anyone suddenly, for no apparent reason just felt so much hate for their WS. I have been feeling so much love from day 1 for my WH and doing all the plan A I can, then BAM! all the sudden today, just this afternoon, I feel so much hate for him. It has just eaten me up tonight. I don't like this, I know it doesn't hurt him, only me. Is this common? I hate hating him almost as much as I hate loving someone who doesn't seem to feel the same way. This whole thing SUCKS.

u-

Thats pretty common on these boards and I know I have experienced the same thing. They say the opposite of love is not hate but appathy.

This whole thing SUCKS.

I couldn't agree with you more. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Sorry that your in this position, but you've come to a great place.

God Bless,

D.

Boy do I hear you on that. In my case it usually passes after a few days, sometimes less.
I was almost to one of my hate phases when Dr Harley actually predicted it was going to happen.
His reasoning was that I was spending too much time focused on WS and neglecting myself and my feelings.
Do you think this might be the case?
Hugs to you,
Layli

Yes, anger is very natural. You are on the emotional roller coaster of your life, you will have emotions to the extremes that you never thought you were capable of. Make sure you vent here, the worst thing to do is to act on your anger, it does cloud our judgement. So hang in there, I always find doing the stuff I hate while I'm angry helps (cleaning, mowing, etc)!

Hi,

Anger is part of the grieving process. Actually it is a progressive step but a dangerous one. Uncontrolled anger can lead to acts that could endanger ourselves and others. Could even ruin our lives. So while it is a progressive step toward recovery, it is one that must be navigated through with caution.

If you get a chance find Red Hat's thread and click on his sig line on the thread about the 5 stages of grieving.

L.

Hello I was the cheater and hope you understand it was long ago and I am a very remorsefull person and never repeated my offense again, getting that out of the way, I want you to know that I used to let myself be consumed of hate for the way he treated me and it led me down the worst road in my life, i mean really i hurt the one man I truely love more than anything. It is awfull this hate thing! My prayer for you and others is that you dont let it consume you, I understand your pain from both spectrums! giver of hate and reciever!!!! It is a natural thing to hate, but Love is a decision. if you wake in the morning decide to love your spouse for his good and bad points, it will make your day better, make the choice and even though hard times may hit you keep strong with your decision, and the next morning make the decision to love your spouse faults and all, and the next morning wake up etc.... Imagine if you choose to be angry and hate your spouse today, it will just make it harder for you, control your thoughts where your thoughts go you go dear. This is not a perscription just hope it helps it did for me, will pray for your mind and soul say one for me annonamously too

Best of wishes

HI,
Thanks everyone. I am still in the hate mode but I am determined not to let it get to me too much.
I don't want to hate my H but things just look so bleak. I am thankful my situation isn't as bad as most I've read on this site, maybe I am a wimp. I think hate is a great defense mechanism. I have often said and thought that this would be so much easier to deal with if I hated my H, and was glad he left. Unfortunatly that isn't the case, I want my M to work, but am so afraid it's over. It is a hard thing to face, I guess hate makes it easier temporarily. OUCH!!!!!
LOVE TO ALL
S

You are NOT a wimp! I think anyone who commits to this MB program for dealing with an affair, or even just attempts it!, is very strong. it is HARD- if you've read any of my posts you prob. know i am wrestling daily with the "unfairness" of it- he cheats, gives me a cold apology, may still be cheating with OW, and meanwhile I cannot show anger to him and must be sweet and loving. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

You know the ironic part? if I was the WS, I don't think my husband would ever do something like this. According to him, the self-help psycho-babble is pretty much women's stuff. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

the hardest part for me (and I realize my sitaution could be much worse, too) is that it's hard for me to remember why I am doing this in the first place. Hard for me to remember why I loved him, or what he was like "before" this happened. Also he swears I did nothing wrong, but it doesn't make me feel better. I must've done something, but since I don't know what it was, I can't work on making it better for him!

Anyway, just wanted to let you know I think feeling hate is normal, too. Find a place to vent, because it is NOT healthy holding it all in, and I think Plan A (I know you are not SUPPOSED to bottle emotions in this plan) makes it easy for you to do that.

U,

YES,YES,YES, I can go from feeling good to <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> in a hartbeat, and it might be nothing, dont know where I am sometime's. Take long breath's and stop what you are doing, I think about being on the farm when I grew up, I settle quick.

Stay calm, best wishes to you.