I'm not new here as far as reading posts but new to finally posting.Its a lot like AA meetings here{I would know, I just stated going too late to save the marriage}Anyway I just needed to vent today. It will be 10 months that my WW left our house to live by her Mothers and to be with her new love {A mutual friend of ours who is divorcing his wife of 20+years} Thats what brought them closer together, his so called whacked out wife and me the beer loving, lovebusting control freak. Before anyone starts I am concentrating on my sobriety and my taking care of me but you know it is'nt easy but life should'nt be or we get lazy and take things for granted like I'm guilty of. WW filed on 6-25-02 and she waited to have me served until 7-23-02. We dont have kids together but I have custody of my 13 year old daughter. Wife was like a mom to her. She never suspected dad was a drunk and she never saw me lose my cool fortunately. WW and I talked were intimate until 4-02 but I would LOVEBUST when I would find out more details and feel lies coming out in the open. Since then we have talked only about financial disclosures, our future after we divorce {How I feel and how she wants to be friends}.Am I the only one out here who feels like this would be impossible because of the betrayal and how much it would hurt to see the woman I wanted to spend until death do us part with? I'm not looking for simpathy for I know what horrible things I did to cause this and I have been giving the chance to know how much of a loving person I can be sober. I will continue to keep coming back cause it does work if you work it. WW and I talked 2 days ago and she said she needs the disclosure soo. We are doing this uncontested. She said this could be over with by October. She said she is 95% sure of this divorce and will be giving me a letter why it would be impossible to reconcile even if she wanted to come home. Thanks and any comments would be appreciated.

Nighthawk,

It was kind of hard to read what you posted as it was all in one paragragh, so I highlighted parts of what you said so that they could be addressed.

First of all, I m not clear on whether or not you want to save your M, if it's possible. ??? What do you really want, forget what you think you can get, what do you really want?

Its a lot like AA meetings here{I would know, I just stated going too late to save the marriage

Just a question - why are you in AA? For your wife? To save your M? For yourself?

Forstarts I am concentrating on my sobriety and my taking care of me but you know it is'nt easy but life should'nt be or we get lazy and take things for granted like I'm guilty of

That happens to a lot of us - we take things for granted. In my case I realized that I didn't know what is took to have a good R. I started drinking when I was 14 & never matured after that. I got sober at 36 & felt like I was 14 again ! I read all I could to learn about healthy R's in addition to working the steps, getting a sponsor, going to meetings and asking God to keep me sober and thanking him at night.

Am I the only one out here who feels like this would be impossible because of the betrayal and how much it would hurt to see the woman I wanted to spend until death do us part with?

I'm not looking for simpathy for I know what horrible things I did to cause this and I have been giving the chance to know how much of a loving person I can be sober.

You may know the horrible things that you have done, now, what have you done to change that? What are you doing differently? Are you working the program? Are you plan A'g your stbxw?

I will continue to keep coming back cause it does work if you work it.

MB, AA, or anything else only works if there is action. The key is made a decision to turn our lives over to the care of God as we understand him. The action is God's will for us.

Have you read the promises?

Actually how long have you been sober, maybe I am throwing too much at you right now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

She said she is 95% sure of this divorce and will be giving me a letter why it would be impossible to reconcile even if she wanted to come home. Thanks and any comments would be appreciated.

Right now she is in a FOG, that's the way most WS's think.

If you want her back, work the program of AA (really work it) and plan A your stbxw. Just keep it simple.

God Bless,

D.

WGTT, I am the one in AA for my sobriety. I am the alcoholic. Do I want to save the marriage? More than anything but she is moving the divorce process right along. Next she wants the financial disclosure form in the next couple of weeks. She said that way it can be over by possibly early October 2002. The last conversation we had on Wed, she said even if she wanted to come back it would be impossible. She is writing me a letter to explain why its impossible. I have plan a'd and B'd. Ive started AA on Oct 7 2001 made it for 6 months and had a set back. I'm trying to get to as many meetings as possible but I have been working 2 jobs to possibly be able to keep the house we bought last June 2001. She wants me and my daughter to have it as well as our pets who need a big house. As for the other man he is already talking about marriage to my WW. Sorry about my jumbled posts. Im not the best computer user. Thanks for any response. Its nice to know there are a lot of people in similar situations.

Hi Nitehawk,

WGGT
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Just a question - why are you in AA? For your wife? To save your M? For yourself?

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">nitehawk

am the one in AA for my sobriety. I am the alcoholic.

The reason that I asked you why you were in AA is that over the years I have seen many who come in to save thier M, to get their spouse off their back, because court ordered .... you get the picture. Most who come in for those reasons don't stay sober. If you are in AA for you, really you, to stay sober and live the life you have always dreamed of, then you'll not only stay sober, but the right thing will happen with your wife.

Somewhere in the big book it says that we can stay sober man no man, or woman no woman, job no job .....

As you get healthier in AA you'll learn how to have better relationships and realize that either this woman is good for you and people do remarriy after DV, or she's not and move on with your life.

I have been sober in AA for 10 years now. My WH went to treatment 10 years ago, did not stay sober & Is out doing all kinds of "stuuuuuff" Recently I started to go to Alanon (only took me 15 years to figure out that I needed it.)

I have plan a'd and B'd.

Can you post what you did during plan a & b? How long did you do it? What things worked, what didn't?

Ive started AA on Oct 7 2001 made it for 6 months and had a set back. I'm trying to get to as many meetings as possible

Just keep comming back as they say. It can be tough to get to meetings - there is a saying that meeting makers make it.

Sorry about my jumbled posts. Im not the best computer user.

You are doing fine. It would be easier to read if you break up the words in paragraghs instead of all one lump.

Thanks for any response. Its nice to know there are a lot of people in similar situations.

There are a few of us on these boards who admit to being sober alcoholics and probably more that lurk here.

Do I want to save the marriage? More than anything but she is moving the divorce process right along.

Have you told her (maybe in a letter) that you don't want this DV, that you want to work it out?
Keep in plan a mode, keep working on yourself and going to AA. By the way, have you checked with an attorney?

You may also want to post on the divorced / divorcing board. There is not as much traffic but there are others ion similar circumstances.

nitehawk, if you want I can link your post here so that you don't have to rewrite it.

God Bless,

D.

<small>[ August 25, 2002, 03:25 PM: Message edited by: WillGetThruThis ]</small>

WWGTT, I posted a response on Divorce/ Divorcing.Still need work on my paragraphs. See AA and marriage

Nitehawk,

got it, actually saw it there before I saw this one.

God Bless,
D