My WH and I move to Utah on Friday. The OW takes over the business here in Houston. I have told my H about the NC letter, but he hasn't wrote one and I don't think he intends to. But he has said that he will not talk, write or see her again (atleast while we are married, he still thinks we have no chance). I guess what I am asking is do I now start an offical Plan A? Can i ask him if he has made contact each day, or how do I ask that without LBing? We have fill out LBQ and ENQ, but I don't really have a plan for Plan A. Can someone help me out PLEASE. This will be the first time he will be away from OW (they were involved for over 1.5 years and he has worked with her every day since D-day), so i know that he will go through withdrawl. I am worried that he has only given himself 3 months to get the "romantic feelings" back for me, and I don't think that will be long enough. He is starting up his own company, and I am just not sure how much time he can/will devote to US. Any suggestions? Is it bad for me to have "reqirements", for lack of a better word, to enable him to regain my trust? Any suggestions on what these should be?

I know this is alot of questions, but I am very nervous of how this will be after he can not see her anymore, she is his "soulmate" and he loves HER. Please help, I adore my H and want us to be happy again. I have screwed up so many times that I am afraid that I will again. Thanks for listening!

hi- thinking of you and your questions.. cant type a lot now, but will come back later. hugs, honey

Hi pq -- From reading your other posts, I understand that you've been having a hard time not lovebusting and so haven't had a great plan A so far. But, I know you can.

First, when you get to Utah you need to really kick plan A into gear. You have a significant advantage that you are moving. You are right that your WH hasn't given himself enough time to "fall back in love with you". Regarding no contact letter. You cannot make him do this and trying to will be a big lovebuster. If you have asked and he has refused, I would let it be for now.

You are going to have to dig deep for some patience right now. It's going to be hard with moving and all the stress that comes with that. I would suggest you read the BrambleRose post/thread that's here on GQII called "do you want to be right or be married". It really helped me. I know it is hard, but you need to NOT ask questions of your WH right now about the OW, your own relationship, etc. and see what happens.

My WH only became more willing to talk, open up and spend time together (and it's far from recovery still I would say) once I completely backed off. I still checked the cell phone, etc. to see how I was doing and whether he was in contact with OW -- but I did not confront him with the information. At first I did and all we did was fight about it and hurt eachother even more.

Set a time frame and do the best plan A you can. Focus on you and do not focus on what he is or isn't doing. Once you feel stronger you can check on contact again, but leave it alone for a while.

You know that I know exactly how you feel and what you are going through. You can be strong. You can refrain from lovebusting and you can focus on you.

A book that really helped me if you can find it is "When a Mate Wants Out" by Sally Conway. It is essentially plan A but goes into more specific examples of women that have done plan A. See if you can find that or order it from Amazon.com

I will be pulling for you and hope you have a safe move this week.

Thanks for the fast responses!

Honey,

Are you coming to lunch on Tuesday??? If so, we can talk more then! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Unsure,

Thank-you for your insight! I DO know that you understand what I am going through. I am going to check out that thread and the book! Thanks for the support and keep your finger crossed that I don't screw this up! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Shameless BUMP.

I would really like to hear some more responses! Thanks in advance! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thanks PQ for waiting... sorry I did not get back as soon as I sd I would. I have been in my little pity party and stressing over my own dilemma.. my spouse who does not want to work on recovery.. the only real way that I personally have found that works.. is major plan a.

Do what you did back befor e you married... all those little things that made him love you... be nice all the time.. no lbs/ Hav eyou read his needs, her needs, SAA, or love busters? If not, add these to your library.. they help a lot.

It is hard, when they are hurting you not to lb. but dont if you want your family... we can do anything for a short time, right? No lbs... so until he starts to fall back in love dont talk about the relationship or requirements.

Be thanksful you are moving with him away from ow. I know that is a blessing.

See you at lunch, HONEY <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hi Honey!

Sorry I couldn't make it to lunch, some things about selling my house came up at the last minute! I have done REALLY well not LBing for three whole days! That maybe a record for me! I had to bite my lips so hard today because he was suppose to come home and help pack and finish fixing some stuff in the shower, and he called and said he would be working late... with HER! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I just said "Okay, let me know if I need to pick up your suit." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> And then when he got home, I fixed his pants for him (I am not a Susie Homemaker AT ALL). He was very impressed and just came in and gave me a kiss goodnight! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> YEAH!! Maybe I can do this smile while gritting your teeth routine!
HUGS!

Well I am shutting down the computer right now. Packing it up. I will talk to all in a week from SLC! Wish me luck, I will probably need it!
HUGS!