OK,<P>Sure wish I could come on here to have something positive to say once in awhile. Got home from work yesterday, argued with my ex for about 5hrs on the phone, he came over to confront me more, and now any hope of a future with him is gone. We started arguing over porn stuff. Seems that while we were still married, and I was longing for him to come to bed with me most nights, he was looking and chatting with nasty little bimbos out there on the net. I assumed this and he always denied it, but admitted last night while using Vocal tec internet phone one night, chatting and such, that a tramp sent her nude pic to him. He said he got rid of it. I am sure because he figured I would have seen it. I feel he should not be chatting with women on the computer especially using Vocal Tec with the web cam, because everytime I ever used it, men were putting on shows for me. That seems to be what it is used for mainly, so I dont like it. Allthough this incident was in the past, it just validated what I assumed all along. He then said I have been looking alot since you moved out, even though we still have sex from time to time, and still talk. I only desire him, and wish to God I was enough for him. I am in good shape with the exception of stretch marks from having children, and hopefully early this comming year they will be removed with a tummy tuck. Anyway, even though this makes me sick, this is not what killed my hope. My ex says even if we work past our problems, he will never marry me nor anyone else again. Just last week, I could have sworn he said he told me when that comment about marriage was made in earlier conversation, he meant he would not marry anyone else, not meaning me. He denies this, so I either misheard him, or he is forgetfull. He says if we get problems taken care of, maybe then I can move back in with him, but he will not marry me. He loves me he says, but will not go through the trouble again and it's only a piece of paper. He also admitted he only married me ever in the first and second place because he had to in order for me to be with him. So he did not love me so much that he wanted me as his wife. (wound from all his past stabs now reopened and gushing the blood). Then has the nerve to say in this state if we make it 10yrs I would be his common law wife anyway. That's really what I always dreamed of being, someones damn common law wife. Then he says if I thought marriage was that important, I would have been strongr than I was and never left the house, just toughend up, and dealt with his tongue slashing on me. I am sooooo confused, he loves me more than anyone in the world, and I am plent good enough to have sex with, but not good enough to marry again. Even though millions shack up together, I still dont believe in it, and I would feel like his live in whore. <P>I also bought harleys Give and Take audio book on Friday, and asked the ex to listen. Of course he even refuses that. It made so much sense to me, and just know it would him if he would listen, but I cant make him. And now that he will never have me for his wife again, guess it does not matter. He was stupid enough to say that the Bible does not state that people have to be married to have sex with one another if they had been married before and I need to get over it. Oh yeah, he said if I would have let us live together first in the beginning, we would have known if we were compatible or not. So let me see, you should shack up first, so you can see if you like the sex, if the other keeps house like you expect and such, Like a new car, must try it out first. I am not a damn car and said that is why you have lots of conversation, ask questions and be completely honest before you get serious with each other. He lead me on in the beginning, sang every tune my ear needed to hear to make me fall. All was lies.<P>What do you all think about all this. My heart is now completley broken. Will now just focus on my kids, and financial goals. I am bowling on a league on Fridays, and he informs me he will be up there everytime, just to make me see him, and so he can keep an eye on the other men he thinks wants me. Makes no sense at all to me. He feels I deserve the pain of seeing him all the time, being I am hurting him again by ending things because of him not wanting to ever marry me again. Always revenge on his part.<BR>
