Was just wondering how the WS feels/thinks when they are in an A & are seperated & see their W or H.
My H had a friend & vowed thats all they were it caused such a strain on our marriage that H said it was nothing to do with this friend but he didnt love me any longer hadn't for 2 yrs.

I was so upset distraught you name it i was it I said well i will have to go then ( I just could no longer live under those circumstances any longer, the way H spoke to me snappy & harsh & the gentle way he spoke to her just did my head in) I LB left right & centre just couldnt help myself.

Anyway to make a very long story short I left H & I weren't talking & I gave him a plan B letter because he was breaking my heart... Went to live at sons for 6 weeks didnt tell H where i was going. Our business etc was all divided legally by lawyers. What happens I come back to the village & the friendship is a full on affair! (H had said to me b4 I left don't come back to this village as you have too much going for you to rot & waste here & dont ever come back thinking that we will get back together because it will never happen I don't want to be miserable for the rest of my life we just can't live together, when i loved you i could overlook the way you were but now i can see you for what you are!!

So anyway here I am back in the village have a flat & a job to pay my way in life & have invested my money am having counselling with SH he has put me back into plan A... Any contact I have with H is to be plan A but if I run into the 2 of them together I am to go into plan B mode & not acknowledge them. As i said when i left H & I were not speaking the only contact we had was via text messages on our cell phones when lawyers were sorting our stuff out & it all got a bit nasty.. So nasty in fact that H wanted nothing to do with me at all.

Anyway Steve said if i can keep plan aing H that his feelings for me will change in time (well i am 44 so i guess i have 30 or so yrs to plan A hee hee) well this is what has happened so far..

But I just wondered what the feelings of the WS were when they are in the same area as the BS & in a full on A (h never told me about this I guess he feels that because h is no longer with me that it was not necessary i found out from our son who was talking to his dad & said OW & he were just friends but it's more than that now.

I often wonder if he feels guilt, shame etc he is so busy running around telling people how happy he is now. I have sent him text messages just was thinking about you have a nice day types of messages on the advise of steve & recieved no reply which steve said not to expect but a couple of days ago I sent H an email just a message letting him know how my mum was getting on with her cancer treatment & just a little bit about how much weight i had lost & stuff i wanted to get into doing just a very light hearted & funny letter although it was serious about my mum at the start I just added some humour, I never mentioned Ow or any R issues. was not expecting a reply at all but I got one the very next day that basically said sorry to hear about your mum. Then he said he really needed the last 3 months relaxing, that his business was starting to get busy & that his holiday would soon be over & that because he hadn't been working he had put on weight H never mentioned OW or our Relationship so I was really pleased just to get this email... I had thought of replying back in a few days some stuff about how well i believe his new business is going to go you know sort of admiration stuff but not too heavy so as to build up a friendship (cause I know H is worried that it will not do well) etc what do you all think??? I would wait at least a week b4 doing this as don't want to apear too needy pushy etc ect....Baby steps.. I am feeling more positive about this as we have gone from him putting up a total brick wall to feeling that I just might have loosened one of the bricks & I do so want to be the best option when the whole wall comes crashing down, but i also want h to know that i wasn't sitting up the road just pining away for him..