Hi All,
Doing pretty good today, trying to stay strong with all the lies that has been thrown at me! My question is I have tried so hard to belive my H on things he tells me, but having a very hard time. It seems like everytime i just say to myself ok i a'm going to try and trust him i catch him in a nother LIE!!!!! I confront him abut the lie and he either tells me that is not so, or gets really angry, and it throws us into a fight, or he starts to BABBLE and really gets me all confused. We have been to counceling before and what happened there was he turned everything around, got me so confused i diden't know weather i was coming or going. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> As i have said before i want this marrige but..... i can't handle these lies, been going on for a very long time. And i have tried to talk to him about it and i seem not to get no where with him. Please what a'm i supposed to do from here????? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Cathy,

Sorry your thread got buried! I think it all depends on when the lies started.

For me, I think my H has lied from childhood right on through adulthood. I don't think this kind of habitual liar can be trusted.

You say your H has been lying a long time - how long is a long time? Has something happened in your marriage (EA or PA) that could have brought on the lies?

What has your counselor suggested?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Can you trust that someone who has never lied to you (that you know of) will always tell you the truth? No, not really. Given the right set of circumstances pretty much anyone is capable of a lie. Obviously if someone has consistantly lied to keep themselves out of trouble, or to hold a secret life intact, it would take lots of action on their part to regain your trust...and probably therapy to discover why they feel the desperate need to always hide things.

But to say that someone will ALWAYS lie is as inacurate to say that someone will NEVER lie.

I don't think you're supposed to just decide to trust him and move on. He's supposed to EARN that trust. If you're still catching him in lies then any trust given by you is misplaced. Figure out what really needs to happen in order for you to regain your trust and do THAT. Fessing up to everything so you don't get any more big whammy's would be a realllllly good start.

inthedark,

Liars can and do change their stripes. So yes, they can change their ways and become trustworthy individuals if they WANT TO. But you shouldn't trust someone who is untrustworthy.

Ty,
all for the posting. If i can't trust my H due to his on going lies then what? As i said i want this marrige but can't trust him as far as i can throw him. Out of the 11 yrs we have been together, he has lied to me from day 1. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Can't get through to him. We was in counceling awhile back but i left b/c all he did was make it look like my fault and turn everything around where i did not know if i was coming or going. and got me so confused in there all i could do was cry. I don't want to go back to any outher kind of counceling, as he will do the same thing to me and i can't take that right now. i had a snoop in my computer and i saw allkind of PORN and when i confonted himabout that he look right in my face and lied to me when i knew he was looking at porn. now i have not let him know yet i saw that in the snoop,b/c i a'm afride of letting him know there was a snoopin my computer. how i know he lied about the porn was i walk in my computer roomwhen he was looking in one of those sites and he closed out really fast but i was still able to see what he was looking at. that is when he said no i was not looking at porn. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> plus i get about 5 e-mails a day on hard core porn. Cathy