To all of you who have given advice, its appreciated. I posted here as cloudyday in spring. I have been hanging in there plan a'ing. I have done pretty well. We have had one fight. (it was a doosy) We agreed that come labor day he would have no further contact with her or would leave me. At the time it seemed like years away. However here we are. I feel (i no longer know because i have stopped spying) that he is still seeing her, and that he still loves her (OW). She recently called my home at midnight to cry on my H shoulder so to speak. and i managed (with valium) not to totally LB and eventually he told me what was going on. But at this point i honestly don't give a d*** about her and her troubles. We agreed no contact or else on labor day. What should I do. Continue to suck it up and plan a or move to plan B. My head says if i let it go past labor day it will go on forever because he will think I will never put my foot down. What do you all say???????

Please advise. thanks
I need objective opinions i feel %&*(&#&(

HELP HELP

I don't know what to do.

IMHO, I think you need to talk to your WH about your boundaries that you both set. Explain to him that you feel like it has been crossed and you need to follow through with the actions you had planned. Try to sense what he is like during this conversation and decide from that. I don't think that you HAVE to kick him out, but man this is a tough call. I hope you get some input from others that are lots smarter than me. Wishing you the best!

Thank you for the reply. I wish i could just stand my ground. I may anyway. I am not sure there would be any love lost between us at this point.

Bump up please help

Here's a few questions I think you need to ask yourself:

Q: Do you feel you've done "enough" in your Plan A. Has he acknowledged any changes in you?

Q: Is your love bank nearly empty? You don't want it completely empty - you need to have enough to "suffer" a bit longer while in Plan B.

Q: Have you had any recent "non-charged" R talk with your H that would indicate where things are heading? Is he still fogged in and unwilling to budge? Is there any framework for change?

Q: Do you have your ducks in a row for Plan B?

Q: Do you get the sense that he's cake-eating? If push comes to shove and he uses Plan B as an excuse to not come back, can you accept that?

I'd think the answers would play into what your next moves are... IMO

I agree about the boundaries thing. I have been dealing with my situation since memorial day and here it is almost labor day. I think, after reading surviving an affair, if you don't set boundaries or if they don't agree to NC immediately a situation like this could go on indefinately. They get to cake walk as my wise fried hope4future is always telling me. They are feeling no consequenses for their actions so they have no desire to change. I think if he doesn't comply with your request more drastic steps might have to be taken. Have you talked with the Harley's or are you in counseling?
I am preparing my plan b and it scares the heck out of me so it is scary to have to give that advice to someone else. Good luck and keep us informed.
Hugs,
Layli

Thanks for your post, JR and Layli ( <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I will try to answer your questions maybe that will help, i really don't know where or what to do now. I think this thing could go on forever.
posted August 27, 2002 01:20 PM
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Here's a few questions I think you need to ask yourself:

Q: Do you feel you've done "enough" in your Plan A. Has he acknowledged any changes in you?

*** He says things like, he is happier than he has been in a long time. We have sf, anyway he wants almost anytime he wants, (that is his reason for the A in the first place i think, and we never saw each other, he worked nights and i worked days)

Q: Is your love bank nearly empty? You don't want it completely empty - you need to have enough to "suffer" a bit longer while in Plan B.

** it is empty. This morning while i was getting dressed for work he asked me directions to our sons classroom, next door to mine by the way and he didn't know which classroom was mine and i have had the same one for three years. His mother teaches at the same school across the road. ( there are only 12 hello) and he said, your no good at giving directions. All i wanted to say was i am not good enough at anything for you so leave. I think im on empty.

Q: Have you had any recent "non-charged" R talk with your H that would indicate where things are heading? Is he still fogged in and unwilling to budge? Is there any framework for change?

***I have not had any relationship talks persay, he is making plans for our future. He asked me which family i wanted to help this Christmas. He wants to dress us up as Santa and Mrs Claus. That one threw me for a loop. I have backed so far off the relationship talks because i feel like " what relationship, i do all the giving he does all the taking and thats the only way it is"
Q: Do you have your ducks in a row for Plan B?

Q: Do you get the sense that he's cake-eating? If push comes to shove and he uses Plan B as an excuse to not come back, can you accept that?

*** accept that, heck yes, its better than where i am now, he sees her everyday, and i have to pretend that im ok with that, or act like i don't know which is what i have been doing as it is easier. By the way, its not like he sees her at work. He waits until she is on her way to work and they meet somewhere (she is a stripper, living with another man. #5 or 6 i have lost count of the number of times she was married) He doesn't know.

I quess i am venting pretty hard, huh. I could give him a break but i have been for a whole year, D-day December 11, I suspected it about the first of September last year and ask. He of course lied. i am emotionally drained. And i know her life sucks, but when you make your bed, thats where you sleep so she can just sleep like the Wh*r* that she is. And at this point i am thinking that since he loves her so much maybe he should just sleep on over in that nasty bed. Sorry for the vent

I NEED PRAYER AND HELP. Will i ever be able to forgive.