My ww and I are going out of town together for a few nights this weekend. This was something that I originally planned thinking that she would be back home by now and I was going to suprise her with it. (This was one of her complaints, that I never wanted to go anywhere on the spur of the moment and be spontanious.)

Unfortunately, she has not moved back home yet, so I told her about my plans. At first, she was reluctant to go, and said that if we go, maybe we should just go for 1 night. But last week when I told her I had reservations for 2 nights and asked if I should cancel 1, she said that 2 nights would be fine.

Anyway, to the point of my post. I am struggling with my emotions about this trip. Part of me is very excited that I am going to be able to spend the entire weekend with my wife. But, their is also a part of me that is getting very fed up and closer to my breaking point because she is not back home and has not made a committment to our marriage.

It is getting to the point where I am seriously considering giving her an ultimatun to either committ to this m, or it is over.

I guess I am just torn with how to act this weekend. I have been doing a very good Plan A, and I don't want to ruin that, but I am really starting to get fed up with her fence sitting and possible cake eating.

I guess I just have some mixed emotions about this trip. I so want to go and show her that this is something that we can do a lot of if she comes back, but I don't want this limbo to go on forever either. I guess I am just looking for advice from anyone on how to act and things to do. I don't want to ruin it by bringing up negative things, but I don't want her to get used to this way of life (us being seperated without any resolution).

We really don't have any specific plans. I am sure we are going shopping because that is what she loves to do (she also mentioned that we need to get me some new clothes because I have lost some weight, at least she noticed <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ).

I am also looking for some romantic things to do that she would possibly like. Any suggestions would be appreciated. I sure hope that this isn't going to be our last "trip" together.

Romantic ideas. . . Ok, call the place you have reservations at and ask if they could have some champaign in ice waiting in the room with the flowers that you will have sent there (order some roses to have them put in the room). Bring some candles along, and maybe go out and get a nice new set of champaign glasses. Don't mention a thing to her about it.

I assume you are driving together? So, if you are then make small talk, like asking what she would like to do while on this trip, etc. Try to stay away from R and M talk. Use the weekend to be a sort of "courtship". If she brings up the M then let her know that you would love to talk with her, but that you need her to know that you don't HAVE to. Don't expect anything to happen. If she seems to be a bit uncomfortable thinking you might "expect" something, simply take her hand in yours and tell her to relax, you aren't looking for anything. Let her know you just want to enjoy your time together, even if that simply means that you cuddle and watch comedy all night.

Another nice touch could be chocolate covered strawberries. Plus, if you'd like maybe some nice bubble bath and rose pedals to put in the bath is a nice added touch. Quite romantic if you ask me.

Try not to think too much and just let the weekend flow. I'm sure others can help you come up with some more romantic ideas. Oh, one other thing, maybe you can check for a nice romantic restaurant and make reservations for dinner.

Hope this helps. I think you will do fine. Just relax, don't expect nothing, and enjoy the time. Take it for what it is, and "allow" it to go it's own path. My best to you. Good luck, and keep us posted.

Be yourself and have fun

One thing that I just thought of as a possibility. When I proposed to my wife almost 5 years ago, I did it on a horse and carriage ride in Downtown St. Louis (this is where we are going this weekend). I thought about maybe taking her on a horse and carriage ride again.

Would this be appropriate? I don't want to force this on her, but that was a magical night for the both of us, and maybe that would bring back some of the love that she says she has lost for me. Any thoughts on this?

Also, if anyone is familiar with the St. Louis area, please share your ideas on some fun & maybe romantic things to do during the day.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Carefree and confident.

Best of Luck! ~Marie

Carriage ride sounds great!

It seems to me you are being a little too impatient about your situation.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't want to ruin it by bringing up negative things, but I don't want her to get used to this way of life (us being seperated without any resolution).
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If you bring up negative things, you will ruin it. There is a time and place to discuss your relationship, and this trip is NOT one of those times. (Unless she initiates it - even then, be nice, ignore all fog talk - just listen and nod your head!!! Tell her that you know that she knows best what is right for her.)

I know your current situation is driving you crazy. Believe me, I know! But you have no choice in the matter. This will be resolved on her time frame, not yours. If you push too hard, she will cut and run.

Spend this trip *ONLY* having fun - only being lighthearted and carefree. Save the relationship talk for later, when you get back. I made the huge mistake of blowing my stack on a trip with my WW early on after D-Day. She has not forgotten the mean stuff I said, and that has delayed our progress. She damn near left me for good after that one. She *did* move out for a month. Now, all she remembers about that trip is how I chewed her out for an hour. Let your WW remember only fun stuff about this trip!!!

Shop till you drop!! Chix dig that! Go get your nails done with her. You can get a manicure (don't worry, lots of guys do it!) while she gets a spa pedicure. Chix dig that! Buy her ice cream! Chix dig that! Just be sweet and nice, pretend that she is a new girlfriend and you must be on your absolute best behavior!

Don't drink too much if at all... Alcohol will make you run off at the mouth and you will regret what you say later. (Been there, done that.)

Good luck, man! I know you can pull this off!!!

ST

p.s. Don't try to fix your relationship in one weekend. Don't smother her with 50 romantic things. Don't get upset at all if she doesn't want to do something. Showing her some romance is like watering a dry patch of ground - if you just pour all the water (romance) on at once, most of it runs off and very little soaks in. If you pour the water (romance) slowly, the ground (WW) is able to soak it all in.

I am totally serious about the nail thing! Do that if you get a chance! Have fun picking out a color with her. You pay too!!!!

<small>[ August 28, 2002, 09:38 AM: Message edited by: Sad Tiger ]</small>

I agree, the carriage ride sounds wonderful.

Remember, enjoy the time for what it is and don't expect anything.

Also, here are a couple of sites that may help you find some other fun things to do - hope it helps.

http://www.bissellmansiontheatre.com/

http://www.goldenrodshowboat.com/

http://www.actualstlouis.com/attractions/index.htm

My best to you. Good luck, and have fun.

Thanks to everyone for your fantastic advice. I will try and do my best this weekend. The more I think about it, I just want to have fun with my wife and not even bring up any of the negative things.

Princess, I breifly checked out those sights that you included. The mansion theatre things sounds pretty cool. Maybe we will try that.

Sad Tiger, unfortunately it sounds like we have too much in common. I too went on a trip with WW almost a month after DDay. We went on a weeklong vacation to Mexico. This had been planned well before DDay and was already paid for so we went. For the most part, we had a very good time together. Unfortunately, on one of the last nights, I too blew up at my WW for a while. (On the public bus of all places). In retrospect, I definately don't want to ruin this weekend like that. I also see that your wife's OM was a coworker. So is my WW's. Unfortunately, my WW and OM still work together.

Anyway, thanks for all the advice and suggestions. Feel free to offer some more.

Dear 2510: Romantic times and places in St. Louis? Try Soulard Farmer's Market (just south of downtown) then a stroll through the Soulard area, south of the market. Many old homes and some good resturants.
Pick up a picinic lunch and go to Laumeier Sculpture Park (cool modern art and a nice place to wander around) in Sunset Hills.
Old town St. Charles or Kimswick for funky touristy shops.
The Galleria for expensive shops.
Laclede's Landing for clubs. The Hill for good Italian food.
Also try www.stltoday.com for entertainment listings.
Muggles
Just a few ideas.

2510-

I don't remember, but are you on anti-depressants? If not, please check into them. They have helped me tremendously to avoid LBs.

They won't kick in by this weekend, so wait until you get back to see your doctor.

Don't you just love that co-worker stuff? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I was surprised that OM got himself fired or whatever. WW has no secret e-mail accounts, and I see cell phone and home phone bills, so I would know if contact had started back up. So, this may be a defacto NC situation. And I had *nothing* to do with it, so she cannot 'resent' me for breaking them up!!!

It really burns me that all this hanky-panky is tolerated in the workplace. If I were the boss, I would bounce them right out onto the street!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Sad Tiger, unfortunately it sounds like we have too much in common. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hey! I resemble that remark!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Actually, since I am may be seeing some light at the end of the tunnel, it may not be so 'unfortunate' for you to have things in common with me!

Keep your chin up!!! Get that manicure with her!!! I'm serious!!! It will blow her away!!

ST

Charles Muggles, all great ideas. Thanks.

Sad Tiger, thanks for putting a positive spin on this situation. Since you are seeing the light at the end of the the tunnel, I hope I will someday soon. I am not sure about the anti-depressants, I am afraid of what they might do to me.

<small>[ September 04, 2002, 03:06 PM: Message edited by: AD ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I am not sure about the anti-depressants, I am afraid of what they might do to me.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What do you think they will do to you?

I'll tell you what they do. They even out the highs and lows of your mood. They keep you from feeling like s$%^. They do NOT change you fundamentally. They do not make you go crazy. They allow you to be a little more objective about your feelings. You still have the feelings, but they do not control you. You no longer obsess over the A.

I was very reluctant to go on them myself. I was just at the doc's to get something to help me sleep. She recognized depression, and told me she was putting me on a *mild* anti-depressant. Celexa. I was hesitant, but I really trust this doctor. I can tell you it was the best thing I ever did. After about 3-4 weeks of being on them, once they totally kicked in, I can completely control my LBs.

Check into them. You will not be disappointed.

Be COOL this weekend!!! I know it is tough.

ST