My story was posted a few pages back.....short version is my husband and I have been married for 3 years and he has cheated on me 3 times that I know of.....he is in the military and we have been together for almost 7 years...I am young and with this last occurance (overseas that I found out after we moved to our new duty station where everything was wonderful) I left our new home and newly found happiness (or so I thought) to move back home and seperate. Since he has come back to our home town every weekend beging me to forgive him and know that he loves me wanting me back he started counseling about 3 weeks ago and it seems to be doing some good. I am a young smart woman degree and all I had my first therapy session and it literally tore me apart....he basically said that my husband was no good (go figure) and that he was dragging a good person down. I miss him everyday more and more...even though the A's were one night stands mainly when we were seperated for long periods of time the lies are constant and I am not sure of anything right now. My heart is broken and at times I feel as if I am drowning....after everything I still love a man who could be so decitful behind my back....but the good times is what makes me feel the worst...How can you have so much fun and laughter and closeness with someone who could do something so awful there was nothing I wouldn't do for him and even at this moment I feel sad when I think of him at our home attempting to cook after a long day at work and eating alone my heart and mind are in a constant battle.....I just would like some input and honesty is appreciated.....Thanks

People can change. But it has to be something he wants to do. The fact that he is in C is a very good sign. I don't have a lot of advice to give, I feel for you. You don't have to make a decision right away, you can keep working on you and he can keep working on himself and that's okay.

Earth,

Your feelings are normal. Some of us have to fight to even get to that point (WS way way out there kinda thing). Maybe knowing this might help. You may also want to visit a doctor and let him know what you are going through. Depression due to an A is hard and may require medical assistance.

You are right about some laughter bringing pain. See if you can setup an appointment with your MC or Steve Harley/Jennifer C., they will help you get past this pain and work on recovery. That is where you'd like to be right?

L.

I know what you mean about your feelings...it is almost like two different men. One who you built a life with and the other who is the antithesis of everything you hold sacred. I too have moments of sympathy for my husband these bouts turn to anger and then back to sympaty. I guess my heart still loves the man whom I married but am sickened by the man who brought me so low. I was also told by counselor(s) to end my marriage...that my husband was destructive and although he had potential to change I was young, smart, pretty, etc and should move on. Well I stayed. He is a different man now, not because of me only because of him. If I could go back would I have left him?..the woman I am today would leave...but then I think about the man he is today...Truly the ideal husband...sometimes he is so good to me I feel guilty accepting his overwhelming kindness and support because I still at times harbor anger towards him. No two situations are the same. I just came to a point where I have to reconcile that the good man, the man I married has won out over the evil, hateful, liar, and I love that good man. But the monster's shadow still frightens me. Just know whatever you choose put what is best for you first. Focus on yourself...only he can change himself. I finally accepted the fact that no matter how good I was as a spouse he was the only one who had control over his behavior. This realization was the peace I found and the strength I needed to survive.
I will keep you in my prayers. ayslyne@yahoo.com