Hi, I've been reading on this site for quite a while but this is my first time posting.

In June of this year I discovered my H was having internet conversations with women from all over. They would exchange emails daily and he also gave them our phone number and they would call the house and he also called them and some of them live out of town. I confronted him about it in a non-threating way and told him how it hurt me and that I considered it cheating and I asked him to stop. He said it was nothing and that he would stop.

A couple of weeks later I found out he was still emailing these women and one woman that lived in our area had set up a meeting time and place for them however her email indicated that he did not show up. I approached him again and he lied until I showed him the emails I had printed off and the phone bill with long distance charges to one of the women he was talking with. He apologized for hurting me, we both sent off emails together to all these women and called them and told them not to send emails or call our house again.

Last week I have discovered that he has now moved to chat lines, talking to different women everyday all day. He stays up literally all night on the computer saying he's playing dominos. I also recently discovered he has been talking to someone in our area for the past two months. I have detailed billing and they have been talking while I'm at work for HOURS at a time. This really hurt. I approached him about it unfortunately in a unpleasant way and of course he lied at first unitl I showed him the phone bill. He says its nothing and that a PA has not occured.

I don't know if I should believe him or not because he has lied through his teeth so far. I ready to call an attorney but after reading alot of posts from this site I'm wondering if that is what I should do. I am in total withdrawal from him right now and I know that is wrong but I can't bring myself to even speak to him in a nice way let alone have sex with him.

I would appreciate any feedback.

Hi and welcome to MB.

In addition to reading these sites, have you read the concepts section above or any of the books such as surviving an affair? Also it may be beneficial if both or even just you could either counsel with Steve or Jennifer or find a competent MC in your local area. Steve and Jennifer do phone counseling.

My H went on the internet to chat. Eventually ended up with a true psyco who was out hunting for MM. It is NOT a safe environment. The fact that he will only come clean when you present facts shows that while he is moving in the right direction, he is not being honest with you and this is a sign of disrespect.

The benefit here is that many have undergone similar experiences and may shed some insight (WS babble and actions, etc.). However, you need to utilize all the tools available to help you first and him 2nd.

read and let us know what you think.

take care,
L.

I have been dealing with a similar situation and my biggest piece of advice. Get into counseling immediately. Statistic on internet affairs are alarming at best. My husbands started while on a game called everquest. His affair began as just a friendship thing, it eascalated into a PA with him planning on leaving me for her. These women become our mens recreational companions and run with it from there. Do not take this lightly. You need to be firm on the no contact with OW and start filling his emotional need for recreational companionship. Find things the 2 of you can do together and be firm on the no contact thing. Because it hurts your feelings. If they are meeting his needs, you can't. Does he have a self esteem issue? it is really easy for people to get sucked into a make believe world where thay can feel good about themselves. Can you set up an appt for counseling? Can you think of ways to meet his needs recreationally? Keep us posted and please read through the past posts on internet affairs. Very helpful.
Good luck and keep us posted,
Layli

Thanks for your reply Orchid.

Yes I have read Dr. Harleys concepts but I have not read surviving an affair. I'm having trouble following his concepts about LB right now because of my anger towards my husband right now. I figured it may be better to be silent right now rather than to talk harshly. We have not had a great marriage (7years), it has been alot of turmoil. We had separated for the third time in Jan. 02 and reconciled in Mar.02 went into counseling and it has been really good. I was finally starting to think we were going to make it and then I find out he's doing all these things behind my back. Its really disheartening.

I will read the SAF book any maybe that will help.

Thanks

Hi layli, thanks for your post.

When we reconciled earlier this year we have been doing alot of things together. I got us memberships to a health club and we've gone a few times, we go to concerts, movies, dinner etc. I have really tried to be his friend. I ask him over and over again why? He says he doesn't know. I asked him could I be doing something else, could I be a better lover, he says everything with me is fine its him and he can't fully understand why he would jeapordize our marriage at this point.

I don't know what to do at this point because he emphatically states he's going to stop and then continues the next day as if nothing has happened. I'm afraid if I don't do something drastic he will stop for a week or two then continue on.

Thanks

I think it might help if you guys do the recreational companion worksheets and maybe the emotional needs. get back into counseling asap.
It is awesome that you are getting on top of this before it gets out of hand.
Good luck,
Keep posting,
Hugs,
layli