OK...everyone...here is a link to my latest saga...I'll wait until ya'll get back....

Latest Happenings

OK....Here we go. Here is where I need advice.

It is becoming obvious that the WW is trying to dangle me on a string. Since the 3 day visit over 2 weeks ago, I haven't heard a thing. It is getting to be more than I can bear. I was pretty well into the indifferent stage of this mess, and stunts like this jerk me down really hard.

Living within eyesite of her is not helping me at all. But...I will get to the reason why a little later.

Lately, she has been staying out until 1 or 2 in the morning. I know, I know, ...but I can't help but noticing it. That is TOTALLY unlike her. In our 14 years of marriage (14th coming up in less than a month <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> ), she HAD to get at least 9-10 hours of sleep. Now she is lucky to get 3-4 before work, UNLESS she is sleeping whereever she is going late at nights.

I can't go on like this any longer. When she initially filed for DV on 06/04, she was determined to get the DV as fast as she could. Her and OM were really getting hot after she filed. The OM's W ending up pregnant has ending them. That, I am 99% sure of. When she is out, he is home. ( I am sure). On the second day of her frequent visit, we were scheduled to have a bifurcation hearing. However, she undoubtedly decided to forego that, as neither her nor her attorney showed up. Also, it was told to me by a reliable source that she was having a hard time deciding if that was what she really wanted. So..right now, the DV is going at a snails pace.

Other than the 3-evening visit, she has made absolutely NO effort to try to work on our M. This entire time she has basically maintained that we were over. During her visit, though, her opinion was 180 degrees from that. I thought the fog was lifting. Shouldn't have been thinking.

So...I am living here in our marital home, which is close to her parent's house, in which she is staying. The reason I am still here is because she walked out, and has not paid one red cent toward the marital debt. I would have to struggle to pay the mortgage, insurance, and everything else for TWO homes. That would strain me pretty hard. (Although I could do it).

For lack of a better phrase, I think I am going to have to smack her pretty hard. I did the plan B thingy immediately after her filing. In a 3 month period we only spoke twice, and that was on her initiative, and then only to quarrel at me.

So...since she has quit contacting me again, other than a "wave" while passing, I think I need to clear up some things with her concerning my emotions, but am thinking about doing it in a letter form such as a Plan B letter.

I intend to "steal" a lot of Spacecase's Plan B letter. Particulary the preface about the still caring and loving her and such. The biggest change will be instead of the "can't continue to see", it will be of the variety "I have decided to move on". Gonna see what that does.

Here is where it may get messy, and where I think I need some advice. Especially from H4F's point of view, and other WS's.

I do NOT want to burn any bridges. Although I am pretty well ready to handle whatever the outcome may be, I still want my "bridges" intact, or at the least, NOT destroyed.

So...I am going to inform her how I feel about her in that I still love her, and that I think there is still hope for us if we BOTH try. But I have to tell her that she is obviously, at least in my eyes, sending very conflicting signals. Then I have to get tough.

Like I said, she is not contributing anything to the marital debt. I need to inform her that since she seems to no longer want to be my wife, then she must understand that I am NOT going to keep carrying her end of the M financially. I am still paying for her auto insurance. I pay ALL the mortgage, home insurance, new auto payment, and a small loan or two that we have. Since I am residing here, I will make it clear that I do not intent ot try to make her contribute to the utilities.

Since she moved out and in with her parents, she has "free rein" on her money. Other than her gasoline, she has NO other obligations. This scenario is NOT getting me any progress, and is not letting her get a taste of DV.

So..I am needing to inform her that I think it is only fair that she start paying half the debt. And definitely ALL of her auto insurance. Welcome to the real world, WW. If you don't want the M, then suck it up and understand that you don't get the benefits of one, either.

But...I do want to do it as lovingly as possible. I am aware, though, that it may not be possible. That is why I need advice from everyone. I need a set of eyes on the outside looking in. I need experienced MB'ers to help me accomplish this. But I also know that after ya'll read this, it may not be able to be worked that way. You may tell me to just "get tough", after her charades, and let it fly. Let the chips fall where they may. Wake her up, and PULL her head THROUGH the fog on this situation.

My goal here is to try to do just that. Get my point across. I know that is a sour thing to say, but, really, she has me in a corner here. I actually feel sort of "trapped" in this sitch. But...I still want to try to do it in a way where possibly, just maybe, my readiness to finally move on, and then informing her to start coughing up her end, may "enlighten" her. I know we can't control the actions of others, but I want to quit "enabling" her, too. I just want to try to accomplish this in a way without it being a big LB'er.

So...there you have it. If you have any questions, fire away. I will tell all.

I just honestly want to let her know that it can't be this way any longer, my Plan B didn't work, so I am ready to have a life, a child, a home, WITH or WITHOUT her.

But...when I go, I want her to understand the wallet is "glued" to my backside.

Looking for a good discussion on this. I can probably make it until the first part of next week. If she hasn't made a move, some move, before then, I gotta do it for MY well-being. Sorry about the length.

HC2

Hcii,

Remember that plan B is not about teaching her a lesson. Her financial responsibilities are hers no matter what. Not part of plan B. Part of plan $$. Separate issue. In plan B you can outline this as a reason for communication other than that, she is on her own. Let the OM meet all the needs. Throw as much of her financial responsibility on her as possible. Do not meet any of her needs (financially or otherwise while in plan B). Use the time, $$ and energy on taking care of yourself, your home, etc. Get a new hobby, visit with friends, adopt a pet, be a big brother, etc.

This is not a time to teach her anything. Let her prove her words about it all being over. If the D was that important, it would have already been done but don't look to anxious about wanting her back. Remember in her current condition she should not look attractive unless you like being a doormat.

take care, Cadet's letter is good a bit long but good.

L.

Hmm, we're in similar boats in many ways... WW's are fairly "comfortable" in their present pose, not really wanting a Dv, but certainly not wanting the M, despite "distance".

On one hand, I might suggest some real, solid Plan A... not necessarily to win her back, but to help you lose more of your LB$ for her, allow you to feel like you've done all you can, learn to be the best you possible, etc.... but I think you've already achieved a lot of that already, having been forced through this process quickly. I think your LB$ is already dangerously low.

It's so hard to read these WAW... on the surface their "complaints" would imply that giving them attention and showing effective needs meeting SHOULD bring them back - that was their basis for leaving, right? Well, strangely it doesn't seem to work.

I agree that she was probably trying to make sure you were still "there" for her, in her visit. I think Plan B, with a letter, might be a good thing. I'm coming to believe that in my case also, something more than just "okay, I'll be over here waiting for you" is enough, though... they read that as "I can take my time, waste our $, play with OM if I like, while you wait patiently for me." NO GOOD! Your approach of something stronger might be more in line with Dobson's letter - setting her free completely. You know her best - what might work or not work.

The fact that she's slowed the Dv down to a crawl could be an ominous sign... that she's preparing to hoist herself up on the fence for a good long while... you might have to knock her off.

hc,

imo, let her do what she want to do. I don't think now is time to put in demands. Just do everything that you would do as if shes not there.

h2bp

Hi hcii,
I've not been nor done what you are going through and I am not a "Big Dawg" but I do have an opinion of your situation... I don't think it is fair for you to finance your wife's waywardness. What do you look like? Bank of America? While she--what? Plans to leave you? Are you going to pay (help) her leave you?

I'm not saying that is what it is, but that could be what it feels like for you and I totally agree with you that you have to draw the line and it won't seem pleasant. Our money is where our heart is and your heart is with your WS so it does seem conflicting, but it just is not right what she's doing. I'm in agreement with your decision to be firm yet loving.

I guess you have to sort of say it to her in this way--I love you AND you have to pay... I love you AND I refuse to pay... I love you AND I'm not paying... Because it's true, you DO love her and it's just not right. She knows it, you know it, and I know it--from the outside looking in... Good luck! You know your heart, God knows your heart and intentions. I will pray that your wife's heart is prepared for this news. Her parents are there for her. They will help her if need be... If any bridges are being burnt, SHE's the one burning them by not trying or working harder to save the marriage--at least that's what it seems like to me... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> This is not a time to teach her anything. Let her prove her words about it all being over. If the D was that important, it would have already been done but don't look to anxious about wanting her back. Remember in her current condition she should not look attractive unless you like being a doormat. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Orchid,

I know where you're coming from. What is getting to me is this...I had actually been doing a Plan A for the past 6-8 months. I had really tried to be a better person, and was for all that matters, and she even noticed. But...little did I know at that time that she was 1 1/2 years into a full-blown 2-year affair.

Even after I found out about the A, we maintained some pretty decent communications and togetherness during that time. Immediately after D-Day, she told me that the A was over, and had been for a few weeks. She was lying big-time though. It was actually even heavier, since she was no longer at home.

A month or so after D-day she called, like she had a lot, but this time to tell me that she had filed for DV. Bomb dropped! I mean...the OM is married with a child, and he had made it clear tp her that he was NOT going to DV his W. That's when he told my WW that he was upset for her leaving me. She STILL hasn't grasped that hint.

Then..enter in the OM's W's pregnancy. That conception happened a month AFTER WW left me. She had told him that if that ever happened, consider her OUT! She still can't see that writing, either. It is as plain as the nose on my face that he wanted her to remain M'ed to me, because she wasn't a threat to him. Then...when she walked out, he did the ONE thing that she had told him would end their A. Does fog really get so thick that she couldn't see that?

Anyway, when she filed for DV, Plan B was basically my only option. JHC agreed. I maintained the Plan B faithfully up until 2 weeks ago when she arrived at my doorstep with a gallon of tears at her feet. We talked for hours. She actually convinced me that she was beginning to see the error of her ways. Seemed (emphasis added) remorseful. Talked about our future. Spoke positively about it. Of course, I told her that I would still like to try to work this out, and it seemed like her knowing that after a 2 month absence, "filled" her needs. Once she was pretty sure that I still loved her and wanted her, well....Off into the sunset again. That made the SECOND time. It seems as though I can go dark, won't initiate contact, won't answer phone calls, either. But...when she makes the effort to actually come here, I tend to take her a little more seriously. Couple that with the dropping of the bifurcation, and I was beginning to see a little progress. Now, though, I think she may have spread some of the "fog" over in my face.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that Plan B does nothing for her. Nada, zero, zilch. After getting her "fix" from me, she can survive another couple of months, and revert back to the swinging single life. That, HAS to end.

So...I know its not to teach a lesson. The problem I am having is that Plan B DOES let me "detach" (I know firsthand, it DID work), but...after her coming here with the "false" possibilty of recovery, that put my LB$ back in the positive. Then...off she goes and my misery sets back in.

So you see, if she had not returned here when she did, I can truthfully say that I could have ended my M with very little resistance. Now, though, I can't. This rollercoaster that I found, is one Mutha' BIG one. Making me lose MY sense of "direction". Know what I mean?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> It's so hard to read these WAW... on the surface their "complaints" would imply that giving them attention and showing effective needs meeting SHOULD bring them back - that was their basis for leaving, right? Well, strangely it doesn't seem to work. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">J.R.,

Don't I know it! This woman is more screwed up right now than I've ever seen. I wish to h3ll that I could prevent MYSELF from "catching" her disease when she is around with that attitude.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I guess you have to sort of say it to her in this way--I love you AND you have to pay... I love you AND I refuse to pay... I love you AND I'm not paying... Because it's true, you DO love her and it's just not right. She knows it, you know it, and I know it--from the outside looking in... Good luck! You know your heart, God knows your heart and intentions. I will pray that your wife's heart is prepared for this news. Her parents are there for her. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">BtDt,

That is my "stickler" now. Really...I hope I don't get flamed for this, but I spoiled her. I really, really, did. EVERYONE close to her has told her that. Her parents have told her that. She is gonna be one pi$$ed off WW when the finances change. I can guarantee you that I'll have to go to court to get one iota out of her for the bills.

As to her parents? The ones that took me in more like a son than a son-in-law? They ought to stick with her. They knew about her A the whole time! That, my friend, is VERY hard to handle.

HC2 <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> (FKA HCII, new name sanctioned by 2Long) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

It sounds a little like you are afraid of her reaction to having to pay her own way in life? Sounds like she needs to grow up (take financial responsibility for bills she helped create)... It's only right. No more sugar daddy paying her way through life...

You sound like you love her so much... But she sounds like she is toxic to you! Unhealthy for you the way she uses you--stringing you by your emotions and sucking you in to her drama... Then, once you are sucked in, she tosses you aside. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Not coming home til 2am??? What is up with that? I mean, what is out in the streets til 2am??? Is she going to clubs, ya think? Oh well, try to remember that when you feel sad. I think it's time for you to get a little mad!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Ruuuuuuuuuuuuf! LOL! I'm sure...we're getting family pictures tonight and now I'm walking in to it thinking I'm a DOG! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I read your post last night but was sooo sleepy I decided to wait. My initial post would have been...Ummm, I don't know??!

After some sleep and some thought... I think you still have a good chance at pulling your marriage together IF the divorce doesn't happen first. She still sounds pretty lost and probably going through major withdrawl. Dropping by, spilling her guts and then walking away without any indication of further plans sounds like she's still far from understanding how to get a grip on her emotions. If there is any way you might get her to start seeing or talking to a counselor before full Plan B it might help get her on the right track. If she won't agree...well, then it's time her party is over.

Our situation was SO different. But the story about checking out of the marriage 2 years earlier sounds like rewriting history to me. So she noticed a lull for 6 months, met somebody else and fell in love. Of COURSE the last 2 years weren't much of a marriage to her!!! When I was in my resentment phase I rewrote our entire marital history. Focused only on the things that were wrong and ignored the obvious reasons!!!

You know, when H and I were in the divorce process that's the closest we came to Plan B. There were many times when I felt hope that we might not divorce and was even reading up on it...yet I never said anything or did anything to indicate that. I had to almost lose the marriage to drop the pride enough, and lose enough fear, to step forward and beg for another chance. I didn't KNOW what the next step was, so I avoided "the talk". Well, after H and I did talk and decided to try it one more time the next step was just to start...period...

Chances are your wife was just having a momentary realization of reality and then fear and the unknown took over again and she's back in limboland. It's hard to say for sure what it will take to get her out!

"I guess what I'm trying to say is that Plan B does nothing for her."

"So ... I know its not to teach a lesson."

"Plan B DOES let me 'detatch'."

"I wish to h3ll that I could prevent MYSELF from 'catching' her disease when she is around with that attitude."

(((HC2)))

If I read this correctly ... Plan B works FOR YOU !!!
1.You realize it is not for her education.
2.You realize that being around her attitude is contageous and unhealthy for you.
3.You realize Plan B allows you to detatch.

STOP SPYING ON HER .... what the h3ll are YOU doing awake at 2 AM ??????

You want to "smack her pretty hard" ????
I want to smack YOU pretty hard (with a soft waffle bat ... no bruses) !!!!

On the practical front .... she owes you $$$. Forward her personal debts to her via her parent's home .... let THEM pay her car insurance ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

These statements are interesting side-by-side:

"I don't want to burn any bridges." .... and
"I actually feel sort of 'trapped' in this sitch."

So ... build an alternative bridge or two....

Advertise for a room mate (are you near a college?) to rent a room in your house.

Do NOT be afraid of her responses her reactions her anger (which is just a load of foggy bullcrap anyway) .... when YOU decide what action to take based on what you fear her response will be .... she's GOT YOU trapped with your permission.

You make YOUR choices based on what is good FOR YOU and what is morally and ethically sound at this point. PERIOD.

What's worse than emotional reasoning???? Borrowing someone elses emotions to direct our emotional reasoning. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

You need to detatch..... my humble opinion.

(((HUGS)))

Pepper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> "woof"

hc2:

Well, though I'm not an expert in WS behavior (or I wouldn't need 2 be here!!), I certainly am something of a big dawg! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> (actually, more of a horn dog, a confirmed closet heterosexual, but that's another story...)

Pepper:

"Advertise for a room mate (are you near a college?) to rent a room in your house."

This is an EXCELLENT idea. I would presume, however, that you're NOT referring 2 a 20-something female roomate with a Tibetan lung capacity?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ August 29, 2002, 09:35 AM: Message edited by: 2long ]</small>

Trying to search deep within myself, I guess I am trying to sort out the best way to let her know this:

I am pretty well at my rope's end. I need to convey to her that I can move on, and am close to doing that, but I want to do that without messing up any future chances at a possible reconciliation. I say possible, because after all that has happened, a lot of times I am unsure.

I had said in my previous posts that the WW did more damage after the A was discovered, than the A itself. I mean, she DROPPED me TOTALLY. Never looked back. Made it a point to let me know that she wanted OM, instead of me.

Also, comments like " I had SF with you out of obligation, only", "It was hard to not think of him when we had SF". "I began to feel like I was cheating on him instead of you". Those cut me 3 ways -- long, deep, and continuous. Not to mention that she could walk into a public place where I was at, just a couple of weeks after D-day, and NEVER even acknowledge my existance.

Yes, Pepper, I had detached pretty well. I was truly ready to accept everything, and was positive I could go on without her. I have posted to the "ambivalence" thread earlier, and told a little bit more of my feelings. I was at the point of handling it either way.

On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being not wanting to reconcile, and 10 being positive of wanting to reconcile, I can relate it this way:

I would consider a 5 to be truly ambivalent. I was truly a 5-7. This knocked me down to a 3 or 4. I really didn't need that, unless there is a promising future. But...I know that there are no guarantees, and I can't ask for them. But I did let her "reel me in" a little.

As to the $ situation, she has no personal debts. Everything we had was held jointly. The way I see it is she helped create the debt as well as I. Actually, the big debts were "gifts" to her, but that is another story. So...I am paying the whole shebang. As to the auto insurance, yes, she should be paying that herself. But...the kink in that is the vehicle she has now, and the one she intends to keep, is paid for. In my name. In order for her to obtain her own insurance, I would have to transfer it to her. Of course, I could just drop the coverage. Her name is on the new vehicle, but she ain't gonna make that big payment. Since everything is joint debts, like I said, I am responsible, too.

As to the roommate? No...not a college very close. I have had offers of "dates", but...I'm married. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I really think that her really seeing me move on would make her think twice about fence-sitting. As to a Plan B, been there / done that. She just uses that as an excuse to enjoy her freedom. She gets the idea in her head that even though I offer no contact, she just KNOWS that I will be there whenever she needs her "fix" of her "safety net".

Basically, she just can't imagine me moving on. She really can't. Plan B does really help me, but does NOTHING to her in the case of our M. She is totally convinced that anytime she wants, I will be there. I fully understand that I cannot make her do anything, and that Plan B is not for that, but somehow, I need to enlighten her that I can and will move on. If she never sees that, my M has no chance. Because....if it takes her months to wake up, I can guarantee you that it will be too late. The A was bad enough...The comments after were devastating to me. Some may say that those deflated my ego, but, hey...they really hurt.

So....there is where I'm at. In the middle...ain't fun there, either.

HC2

hcii,

I am not a bid dawg, but this hit me in your thread:

Basically, she just can't imagine me moving on. She really can't. Plan B does really help me, but does NOTHING to her in the case of our M. She is totally convinced that anytime she wants, I will be there. I fully understand that I cannot make her do anything, and that Plan B is not for that, but somehow, I need to enlighten her that I can and will move on. If she never sees that, my M has no chance.

Especially the part that says "she is totally convinced that anytime she wants, I will be there"

Your plan b was working, BUT, YOU let her in for 5 hours. ( and then a few more times) That was YOUR choice, so even though you were in plan b, YOU allowed contact.She just swooped into your life, you let her in then she swooped out of your life. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Have you had any sessions with Steve or Jenifer? It's great to have them as a "tester" when and if WW swoops back in - you could say set appointment with the Harley's. The Harleys could then help to determine her sincerity and willingness to back up her words with action, consisten action. It's harder to do that when we are so close to the situation. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Just a thought .....

God Bless,

D

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Your plan b was working, BUT, YOU let her in for 5 hours. ( and then a few more times) That was YOUR choice, so even though you were in plan b, YOU allowed contact.She just swooped into your life, you let her in then she swooped out of your life. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WGTT,

I know. My bad. But, in defense of myself, I had been doing a pristine Plan B. She had called several times over the past 3 months, and I NEVER took her calls. The only time that we spoke was when I was gone on vacation (a vacation she thought I'd NEVER take), and I didn't know it was her. She just wanted to "interrupt" my trip, so I cut her very short, and wouldn't talk to her.

I had told myself that if she ever wanted to talk about rebuilding, I would listen. Isn't that what we would like to achieve after a Plan B? Get the WS to let us know that they have begun to "see the light"? She inferred that when she came here, so I switched to a short Plan A while we were talking.

She really seemed sincere. Oh sure, there was a lot of unsettled business, but...hey...you can't do it all in a few hours. I thought I was finally seeing some progress from her. That's why I broke the Plan B.

Now...looking back at it, I really think she is good at manipulating the sitch somewhat. She had discovered over the past 3 months that I would not accept small-talk with her after going to Plan B. So...what did she do? She got her foot in the door the ONLY way she was going to. The sad part is I think she really sees that now. I truly believe that she is aware of the fact that if I'm going to speak with her, it is going to be strictly about us possibly reparing our M. I will not do the chit-chat stuff. That will do nothing but cause me misery for nothing.

So...all she has to do is trek down the road of her seeing the error of her ways, letting me think that she is sincere, and wallah! She has my attention.

So now, I think I am going to have to somehow let her know that pretending recoveries which are fake, will not work. That, I think, is my dilemna now.

HC2

Well...so now...&^$&%* (*&$##)) ^$^$^ *& (E*$* W@*(#@N _@#* &$^%#* (I&$$ *&@)(! (@*@ ! !!!!!!!

Geez...that felt better.

Getting close to 200 posts! Let me introduce myself since I feel at home now.

Henry (People who love me call me Boo) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

hc2,

I think you are worried about the wrong thing. What do I mean? You are worried about telling her your feelings are changing and you think that you telling her anything will make a difference. Personally, the only thing she will notice is actions.

I don't know what state you live in but I would file for a legal separation that would separate financial responsibilty between the two of you. I would stick to plan b, but start to move on with my live, going out with friends etc. Take a vacation you know the drill.

But, hc2, it is clear that she needs to know you are moving on and it is clear you need to move on. You might even consider filing yourself. I know the recommendation don't do that unless you want it, but I think you are getting closer to that than you think. She has used you for 2 years, and she doesn't see any reason to stop now. I suspect her filing of the Dv, was to buy her time and space because it would paralyze you and it has. By pushing you away, you have grabbed on stronger, giving her the safety blanket she needs.

Time to rip the blanket off the bed and let the cold night air hit her, is my thinking on this. She may change directions and she may not, but you have done a good plan A, and you are now in plan B. She is happy with this, after all she has been thinking of OM for two years. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Hc2, per our discussion about plan B, I think it is time for you to show her you are moving on and begin to do it, one step at a time. I would see a lawyer, explain your situation and see what he advises. I certainly think you should see about separating your assets and debts.

Plan B is not only about no contact it can be and probably be about action when you are ready. No one is ever really anxious about starting down the path to Dv, when one still loves their spouse, but it may be time for the reality check.

I'll be interested in what others think and what you think.

God Bless,

JL

<small>[ August 29, 2002, 08:59 PM: Message edited by: Just Learning ]</small>