This is a rant. This is only a rant. Had this been an actuall post, the subject line would have been immediately followed by a legitimate question, or other-wise insightful (or at least sensical) input. Again, this is only a rant.

AAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!! Some people have all the nerve!! Who does she really think she is??!! Nobody deserves this kind of treatment! I have done my best to be supportive, understanding, and appreciative of her durring this whole thing, but she just doesn't "get it"!! She thinks it is perfectly ok for her OM to call MY house while I am cooking dinner for her and the kids. Then thinks it is ok for her to get upset with the fact that this upsets me!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> She believes it is perfectly ok for her to "date" both of us because she needs to find out "who she is and what she really wants". Sounds like a bunch of BS (not betrayed spouse!) to me! I've got five words for you darling, FOG!!!! Ok, it's one word. But say it five times and you've got my meaning. She has even admitted that she is using both of us to get all of her needs/wants, and that this is ok! She won't even open up to me about her EN's, much less give me a chance to meet them. Then brag to her sister about how she's got her "booty-call"??!! What kind of s*** is that?? I want to save my marriage but this is ridiculas(sp). I have swallowed my pride and started showing her as much love, affection, conversation, and admiration (her top EN's as far as I can tell) without throwing out very many LB's, not an easy task!! I have even kept my promise of not "dragging her through the mud" by not telling anyone of the A's. This is really frustrating and I'm beginning to wonder what the point of all this really was!!

Ok, I feel a little better now. Folks, I'm sorry if you read this post expecting to see something really insightful or meaningful. Nothing more than the rantings of an immature 26 year old who would rather vent here than LB to his W. I appreciate being allowed the room to post here to vent my frustrations. If by some chance anyone does make it this far, I do have a legitimate question now. I have heard that A's "don't like the light of day", should I begin telling people of her A's? So far the only people who know are her and I (and the OM's). I don't want her name dragged through the mud, but I can't stand her fence-sitting like this, it's driving me bonkers!!@@## Like I said, I don't really expect anyone to sit through this whole thing (I probably would out of morbid curiosity), but if you do, just wanted to know about shedding light on the A. I haven't been at this very long, I know, I don't see how some folks make it for a year or more under these circumstances. My hats off to you folks, I hope I can be that strong if that is what it comes to. I just caught up on Spacecases' posts/situation and I must say, I admire you for having the strength to keep going this long. Hope I can be like that. Like I said, this is just an immature ranting and I don't expect anyone to read this, but I do feel better. Thanks everone.

Hey, buddy, it is not an 'immature' rant.

Your feelings are legitimate and real.

Your wife is doing/saying some really awful things. I'm sorry for you.

You are right to come rant here rather than at your wife. If you want to save your marriage, you are in the right place. You have a tough row to hoe, my friend. Your wife is in a bad place right now. What she is saying is totally fogspeak.

The only thing you can work on is yourself. Stop worrying about her and what she is up to. Focus on yourself. Improve yourself. Change yourself. Become an 'attractive alternative' to the OM(s). You have to change, somehow, and for the better. You can't tell her you've changed, it has to be for real, she will be able to see it. Women have highly developed senses about these things. You need to have the attitude that whatever she does/decides to do is just fine with you. That you support her and just want her to be happy. That can shake a WW up for the better.

As far as 'dragging her name through the mud,' she has done that herself. I am not saying it is the right thing to do in your situation, but as soon as I figured out my WWs A was going on, I told everyone, including and especially her parents. They made it clear to her that the OM would never ever be welcome in their house. There is no way I would have let this thing go on in secret, with me being the only one sucking it up. I made sure that whoever I told knew that I played my part in contributing to the environment that caused her to make such a bad choice. I did not bad mouth her, but told only facts. If her OM(s) are so great, and it is so 'right,' she should be proud to tell everyone.

Be sure to check with your Dr. about anti-depressants. They will help you to not obsess about the A and keep you from LBing. (I am like a broken record on this... sorry...)

Definately read His Needs Her Needs and Surviving an Affair. Both available on this site or at your bookstore.

Good luck, man!

ST

p.s. Get call block and block that slimey OM's number! Don't tell WW, wait for her to ask about it. Play dumb!

I feel sad for you to be going through such a difficult time with three kids at such a young age.

Which brings me to my next point. Aside from the affair, I see another serious issue that should be addressed as well.

Your wife has had three children by the age of 23.
At a time when most people are starting a life for themselves, really finding out who they are and what they want to do in life, your wife and you had to put those kind of things aside. I am not saying that this gives her a right to have an affair but I would bet it played a very large part in her desire to have one.

Please don't think I am lecturing. There are a lot of women out there that carry a lot of resentment and sadness that they had children so young and desire something "just for themselves".

Good luck to you and your family. You sound like a very caring husband and father.

Wow, someone actually had the patience to sit through my ranting. Thank you Sad Tiger, thank you Guinever. I appreciate the insight and advice. Thanks for the thoughts on "shedding the light" Tiger, I was afraid it might end up being the ultimate LB. For now I have decided not to actively go around talking about the A's, but I won't hide them any longer either. As far as I know, her parents don't even know we're seperated yet. That is a bad thing as her parents think VERY highly of me, as does the rest of her family.
Guinerver, I do understand your point very much. In fact, I've already taken that into consideration. It is part of the reason I have been able to keep so calm (except for above rant of course). She has a long history of being a victim of abuse; verbal, physical and sexual and was raped twice before she was sixteen. I have always been supportive of her and I truly admire her courage for being able to make it through life as she has. I have recently begun trying to get her into counceling/therapy, but she gets very defensive about it. Anyone have any suggestions on this one?? She has by no means had anything close to an easy/good life before we got married, and I have always tried to be supportive of her. I know this is alot to absorb, but I thought it may give everyone a better idea on what my situation is. Any thoughts from anyone on the therapy/counseling would be great, as I am about to my wits' end here.

Hm, maybe I talk to much. I just remembered something. Not very important, but worth sharing I think. I actually work with my W's younger sister who is 18. We had a conversation at work today about my M. It seems she is very upset with her sister for what she called "fence-sitting". Where have I heard that term before? She also said I should completely leave my wife and not speak to her for a month or so, just to make her see how she would miss me and not be happy with OM. Hmmm, sounds suspiciously like a Plan B to me. Not bad for an 18 year old, wise beyond her years maybe? Just a thought. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />