I know this has been addressed several times before, but I couldn't find anything that related to my specific situation.

For those who have followed some of my story, I filed for D and had WW served on 8/20/02. She cried a lot and has cried quite a bit during our conversations surrounding the D since this time. Quite a turn around from the almost cocky attitude before I had her served.

The main reason that I had her served is to keep her from leaving the state with our boys. She had thrown this out there enough times and I had read enough to believe this was a very real possibility.

She has agreed to rotating custody with no child support. Only has asked me to pick up 2nd mortgage on the house ($300 month) which was a result of debt consolidation in the past, which we both contributed to.

Although I am fully prepared to move forward with the D, I would still like a chance at reconciliation. She actually expressed an interest in seeing my IC to see if she can "find herself again, the person that she once liked". I set up an appt and let her know about it and don't know if she will keep the appt or not.

During one conversation she told me that since OM was married, that even though they cared about each other that there was nothing that could be done. I realize that the A will eventually die a natural death. I have told my attorney to slow things down in anticipation of a possible reconciliation. During the last conversation that I had with WW I asked her if this is what she wanted and she said "some days I don't know".

I have been tempeted and am on the verge of trying to install a spy software program on our computer, since a lot of their communication has occured there. To determine if things are subsiding or progressing. It will help me make up my mind wether to proceed with D and move on with my life.

Give me some input here folks.

Thank you and God Bless.

I would be happy to discuss the pros and cons of using spyware on your computer. Feel free to email me @ jdmac1@yahoo.com

jd

B; Here are some linke to spy and anti-spy software. But I do want to say that you should be careful about how you use the information you obtain.
First, it WILL be painful for you; fact of life. And you have to deal with that.
Second, confronting and accusing probably does more damage then good.
This is the opinion of someone who has done it all...

Some links to what I found:

Love this One! Cheating-Spouse-Software.com LOL!!!

Spy-Software-Source.com

Anti-Spy.com List and Links to Common Spyware

Anti-Spy.com

Hope this helps!

I guess my main reason for considering this is the fact that she gives me no real feelings of weather or not there is a chance for reconciliation. I realize when I back off of my emotions sometimes that she is still in the fog. With our D in progress and us both agreeing to just about all components this D could be final with in about 6-8 wks. I have (as I mentioned previously) told my attorney that I'd like to slow things down a bit in hopes of a reconciliation. I guess I am still in somewhat of a Plan A. During which I know that I'm not supposed to initiate any relationship discussions. Because of some previous discussions with WW she is of the mind set that I don't want anything to do with her, or at least don't want to spend any time with her. At this point it is difficult to be around her due to the fact that she is involved with OM and therefore I am the rejected one. I'm tempted to ask her out to the movies Sunday night so that she realizes that I don't hate her, just have a hard time being with my wife and knowing that she'd rather be with him.

I had snooped about a month ago at our home while she was out and found some letters that she had written to him proffessing her love for this guy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I realize that all of this is from deep in the fog.

I am at a loss as to where we are and what I should be doing at this time. Feel like sometimes it would be so much easier to just put this all behind me and just forget about any chance of reconciling. Those wedding vows just keep popping up in my mind and the thought that I can't justify in my own mind or to God that I've given this the time or chance to heal itself and possibly reconcile. If we eventually got back together at this point, it would be so hard to forgive, and put the feelings that I know she has for OM behind us and move forward.

Thanks and God Bless.

Hi Biscayne!

I used a program called SpectorPro and eblaster. They both worked well. Try www.spector.com.

They take pictures of what is on the screen, track email, keystrokes and webpages. Eblaster allows you to view activity from your place of work while your computer is being used at home. They were very useful.

However, you must prepare yourself for what you may find. It can be very painful. Whatever you do find, do not bring it up with your spouse. The best thing to do is to just lurk. The software will give you an indication of how truthful your spouse is being. Jsut gather information. Also, you want to have a window to their activity for as long as possible so it is best not to tell them or anyone else you are using spy software. Best of luck to you.
Forgiver

^

My view here is similar: I've installed a simple keystroke monitoring software at home. The upside was that a) I found out what was being played at all [before, I saw this big pink elephant walking down the street and thought - nahhh, can't be! The spy software gave me 100% proof, black on white and b) I could track the progress of the relationship. The downside was that it almost drove me nuts! But on balance I have to say it was a good decision to spy.

You notice, I'm using past tense here. During the past 5-6 months since D-Day I have confronted my WW a couple of times, sometimes it was more or less evident where my 'intelligence' was coming from. Each time, WW and OM would open new email accounts and carry on. Each time, WW would say: it's over now, don&#8217;t you worry. Each time, they got craftier and craftier.

Now, I'm at a point where I've "lost" them and don&#8217;t have any clear intelligence anymore. But based on past behaviour, based on her attitude, I have no real reason to trust her that this time she really dropped contact. That drives me mad, of course, but it does save me the pain of knowing the details.

In your situation, I would probably do it, but a) prepare for the worst and b) be careful & thoughtful what you will do with the intelligence.